Things to do in Salem When You're Dead
by lowdergirl
Summary: How will Brady and Chloe deal with her illness? COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
  
  
1 Chapter One  
  
  
  
It has to be the ugliest word in the English language. Cancer. Like a thief it steals the life out of any sentence that it is in. You have cancer, Chloe. The statement hangs in the air, sucking the life out of the room. The same way my illness is sucking the life out of my body.  
  
I hear someone's cell phone ring, sounding remarkably like a church bell. It is my death knoll. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.  
  
I look at the people who have just delivered my death sentence. Craig's voice echoes through my mind. "Chloe, we got your blood tests back today. And, they aren't good. Colin and I ran some additional tests, and we have finally learned why you are still so sick."  
  
I just looked at him. I tried to comprehend what he was saying. "It's my anemia, right? That's what's wrong with me."  
  
Craig's eyes looked so sad just then and I knew that whatever he had to tell me, it wasn't good. I looked at Nancy, and then I realized that she had obviously been crying, and was valiantly trying not to cry now.  
  
I looked back at Craig and straightened my shoulders, steeling myself for bad news. I tell myself that I can take it. I'm used to bad news. The story of my life.  
  
Craig swallowed and leaned forward to take my hands in his. "Honey, you have leukemia. It's a type of cancer that attacks the cells in bone marrow…"  
  
He went on to describe various treatments, including a bone marrow transplant, and I have completely tuned him out. I'm sitting in my chair in a kind of hyper-aware state. Kind of like that head rush you get when you stand up too quickly. Or sometimes, when you're lying in bed at night and you get this sudden sensation of flying, like you're spinning head over heels. I am aware of every minute detail, from the ticking of the brass clock on Craig's mahogany desk to the muffled chatter of conversation in the hallway behind the closed office door.  
  
I look at Craig and Nancy and I want to laugh. I see their actions in slow motion without sound. I just sit and watch their absurd pantomime, expecting to wake up at any moment. Nancy gives in to her tears and bawls "my baby! my baby!" which kind of contradicts Craig's "you will get through this" speech. I chuckle when Craig puts his arm around his sobbing wife never once letting up on the professional doctor guy routine.  
  
I stand to my shaky feet. It's weird; it's a relief to know that there's something really wrong with me. It's nice to have a reason for the tiredness and dizzy spells.  
  
Nancy's small voice floats up to me. "Honey, where are you going? We need to sit and talk about this."  
  
I don't even reply as I walk out the office door. I hear Craig's strong voice behind me. "She needs time, Nancy. She's in shock right now."  
  
I somehow make my way down the hospital corridors. I haven't gone far when I hear Phillip calling to me from behind. "Chloe! Wait up!" I roll my eyes and keep on walking. He's not the person I want to see right now.  
  
I need to see Brady. 


	2. Chapter Two

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Two  
  
I can't even remember how I got here. It's such a blur. I vaguely recall walking out of the hospital, having just gotten the shock of my life. Craig's voice plays over and over like a skipping record. "You have Leukemia." All I know is that I had to come here.  
  
I watch the floor levels on the elevator light up as I pass them on my way to the Basic Black offices on the top floor. I have come to see Brady. I don't know why – I don't even know what I'm going to say. I'm like a robot programmed to go to him whenever I'm damaged. It's always been that way.  
  
I step out of the elevator into the nicely furnished lobby. I'm still impressed every time I see this place. I remember when it was just a bare, vacant space, last summer. I remember something else from last summer. Brady singing to me, for me, opening up himself in song before me. It was such a magical moment and it made me feel…  
  
I shake away my train of thought when I see John. He smiles warmly at me, with just a hint of a smirk on his face. He does that a lot lately, especially when Brady and I are together. Like he knows some kind of secret. Come to think of it, I've seen that look on a lot of faces: Belle, Shawn, Craig, Marlena, even Brady's old nanny Caprice. Do they know something I don't?  
  
"Hello, Mr. Black. Is Brady in?"  
  
Again with the smirk, what is going on?  
  
"Yes, Chloe. Go right on in." As I leave to enter Brady's office, I can feel John's laughing smile on my back.  
  
I knock softly on Brady's door and slowly walk in. He has such a nice office! I quietly wait for him to finish his phone conversation while I look around. He sees me and his blue eyes light up and I can see the boy within. For one second, he resembles a child on Christmas morning. I never noticed that look on his face before. Maybe, I've been too self- absorbed to notice before. I clear my head and try to hide my anxious thoughts from Brady. I still don't know how I'm going to tell him, or even if I'm going to tell him.  
  
He hangs up the phone and smiles warmly at me. I love that smile. It makes me feel special, like I'm the most important person in the world to him. He comes around his desk to give me one of his bear hugs.  
  
It was a mistake to let him hug me. The moment I feel his arms wrap around me, my defensive walls come crashing down. I melt into his embrace as my shock wears off. Tears slide out of the corners of my eyes and I begin to tremble.  
  
It has just hit me. I have cancer. Oh my God. I have cancer. I can't breathe as sudden panic sets in. People die from cancer. All my happy plans for the future flash before me and I realize that it will never happen.  
  
I can feel Brady's concern for me. "Chloe, what's wrong?" I can hear it in his voice. I can't answer, I'm too afraid. I cling desperately to him, shaking within his strong arms.  
  
"Chloe tell me what's wrong. Is it Phillip? Dammit, what has he done now? I swear I'm going to kill him." He mutters angrily under his voice and I can't help but laugh at the thought of Brady beating up Phillip.  
  
I reluctantly pull out of his arms and dry my eyes. "No," I sigh, "It's not Phillip. I meant it when I said that I was through with him. I'm not going to give him another chance to hurt me."  
  
"Then Chloe, what is it?" Brady reaches out and gently caresses my cheek. His thumb wipes away a stray tear. His ice blue eyes flicker over my face and I can tell he's studying my appearance. He takes in my tired eyes and the dark circles under them that contrast my unusually pale skin.  
  
I give him a small smile. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"  
  
He grows serious, his face a stone mask. "Sure" he answers cautiously. "Just let me tell my Dad." He buzzes his father over the desk intercom and tells him he's taking a lunch break, and then we head out the door.  
  
We're silent on the drive to his loft. I know he's very worried about me, but I'm still trying to find the words to say. I step into his loft and look around. I love this place. It's so…Brady. From the comfy worn couch to the Hulk figurine on the mantel; everything here just fits him perfectly.  
  
It's also very peaceful here. I feel safe here, like someone's watching over me. I can't describe it. It feels like home.  
  
Brady is staring at me now, his blue eyes wide with fear. He can tell that there is something very wrong. I have to tell him. How will he take it?  
  
I'm racking my brain, trying to figure out what I'm going to say, when I see her picture. Isabella, Brady's mother who died shortly after he was born. She had cancer too. Oh God, I can't do this to him. How can I remind him of his pain, of everything he's lost? Absentmindedly, I reach toward her face and pray for her strength.  
  
"Chloe?" he gently prods.  
  
I drop my hand and turn to face him. I settle on the couch and he sits down beside me. Our hands find their way to each other and our fingers intertwine. I look down and marvel at our joined hands, they fit together so perfectly, like joined halves.  
  
He gently cups my chin and looks in my eyes. I return his gaze and squeeze his hand.  
  
"I got some bad news today, Brady."  
  
His face hardens and I can tell he's preparing himself for bad news. He swallows down the lump in his throat. "Okay."  
  
"My last blood count was very low, so Colin and Craig ran some other tests." I blink back the sudden tears burning my eyes. This is going to hurt Brady so much.  
  
"I have leukemia, Brady. I have cancer." 


	3. Chapter Three

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"I have leukemia, Brady. I have cancer."  
  
The blood drains from his face and his tanned skin is now a sickly gray. He stares at me, his blue eyes portraying utter disbelief.  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
I cup his face with my hands. "I have cancer, Brady. It's why I've been so sick."  
  
"No, I…I thought you were getting better. Craig said that your blood tests were improving."  
  
I know what he's feeling. It's what I felt when I first found out – what I'm still feeling. That this can't be happening, that somebody's made a mistake. I'm only seventeen years old. I'm too young to be dying.  
  
"I know. But now my blood count has gone back down. He and Colin have run and rerun all the tests. There's no mistake." Despite my attempts to keep my voice strong, it wavers and breaks and I feel the hot tears on my cheeks. "I have cancer."  
  
I see the exact moment when the ugly truth sets in. I see the understanding in his eyes. Slowly he gets up from the couch and begins frantically pacing the loft. I can tell that his mind is racing as he starts asking questions.  
  
"Okay, okay. What are the treatment options?"  
  
I haven't even begun to think about treatment. I can't even think beyond the next two seconds. I've never been so terrified. I shake uncontrollably on his couch as I try to answer him.  
  
"I…don't know. I think Craig said something about a bone marrow transplant."  
  
"It could take months to find a match, if one can be found. Is there some kind of medication you can take to hold off the disease?"  
  
"I don't know." My head is spinning and my vision blurs. Cold terror overtakes me and I can't stop shaking. I'm going to die. I'm never going to go to Julliard. I'm never going to sing at the Met. I'm never going to fall in love. The last thought makes me saddest of all. To die and never know love, true love.  
  
"How long have you had it? How- how much time do you have?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" I scream out as a suffocating panic washes over me. I can't breathe. I'm crying full force now and I can't catch my breath.  
  
I feel his arms wrap around me as he pulls me close. His deep voice is calm and reassuring in my ear. "Sssh. It's okay, Chloe. Just breathe, breathe. I'm so sorry Chloe. Just let it out, it's okay."  
  
I clutch his chest and cry into his shoulder. "I don't know what to do, Brady." I cry out through choking sobs. "I'm so scared."  
  
"I know, I know. I am too. Just let it out." I hear the tears in his thick, raspy voice.  
  
I cry so hard my entire body shakes. I have never cried like this before, not even when my parents died. My heart breaks and I cry for all the things I'll never get to do, never get to experience.  
  
Brady just holds me even tighter to him and he gently strokes my hair. He murmurs soothingly in my ear and rocks me gently. I can't tell how many minutes pass – it feels like an eternity in his arms, safe and secure. My sobs quiet down but my tears continue to fall. Poor Brady's shirt is drenched.  
  
I can't remember moving but now Brady and I are stretched out on the couch and I'm lying on top of him. I've finally reached the end of my tears and I am completely drained. I haven't had much strength lately anyway and now I am exhausted. His arms are so warm around me. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat pound steadily in my ear. My heart gradually matches his rhythm and our two hearts beat in time. Contented drowsiness crawls over me and my eyelids grow heavy. The last thing I hear before I fade into blissful sleep is Brady's course whisper.  
  
"I won't let you die, Chloe. I promise." 


	4. Chapter Four

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Four  
  
I feel someone gently caress my cheek. The soft, feather light touch is cool, and comforting. I smile dreamily and stir on the fuzzy couch. I feel fingers stroke my hair. Gradually, I wake up, but I stay on the couch. It feels so good, all warm and comfy. Brady had draped a blanket over me as I slept.  
  
How long have I been asleep? I open my eyes and see the afternoon sun shining through the loft's large windows. The room in bathed in a pinkish orange glow. I look around for Brady but I don't see him anywhere.  
  
Huh. I must have dreamed his gentle caress. But it felt so real. As I sit up on the couch I see Isabella's picture on the end table. That's strange- I know it was on the coffee table earlier. I guess Brady moved it.  
  
My tongue is dry and sticky so I go to the kitchen for some water. I stroll around his kitchen – I always like to look at people's decorations. For the most part the kitchen is bare – he's so practical. However, his fridge is covered with bright, colorful magnets. Given to him by Belle, no doubt. One magnet in particular catches my eye. There's a small piece of paper underneath. Oh! It's a fortune from a fortune cookie.  
  
Your Angels are near you.  
  
O-kay. Whatever that means.  
  
Brady's rich voice floats down from upstairs. He's talking on the phone. I try not to eavesdrop, but I can't help but hear what he says.  
  
"She's fine. She's sleeping. Tell the Wesleys I'll bring her home when she wakes up. (pause) Well, …she's been kinda tired lately and today she got some bad news. She was upset and needed to crash. I can't talk about it, but yeah, it was bad. What? No, I'm fine. (pause) I'm fine, Dad. Chloe's fine. We're both fine. I'll talk to you later, Ok, bye."  
  
I hear his jaunty steps as he trots down the metal stairs. I notice the look of panic on his face when he sees the empty couch. It is quickly followed by relief when he sees me enter from the kitchen.  
  
I see the deep concern in his face as he looks at me.  
  
I don't really know what to say. I feel strange, detached, after my emotional breakdown. My defenses have been shattered, the walls crumbled piles of stone. I don't want to break down again. I'm afraid I'll break into pieces.  
  
I try a small joke to deflect Brady's piercing gaze. "Let me guess. Nancy's in a panic?'  
  
I'm rewarded with Brady's slight chuckle. I do love his grin. "You could say that." He finished dryly.  
  
I should have known though, that I wouldn't be able to shake him. He's once again serious and his blue eyes bore into mine. I feel exposed, vulnerable. Knowing he can read my soul. He reads the pain, the fear, the heart break in my eyes. His heart breaks too, for my pain. I can see it in his eyes. A reflection of my soul.  
  
I feel broken, lost. A drowning soul crying out for a lifeline. And I know Brady can see it, can feel it. He reaches out for me the only way he knows how.  
  
Wordlessly he wraps his arms around me. He pulls me close and molds his body to mine. But I remain stiff, unresponsive. A cold frost has settled over me. I'm emotionally drained. Empty.  
  
There's this disease inside of me, eating away at me. Brady's words echo endlessly in my head. "How much time do you have?" I remember Nancy's tearful sobs. It's like she's already pronounced me dead. I'm not really thinking of anything right now. I can't really think of anything. I'm just…  
  
Brady pulls me even closer and buries his face in the crook of my neck. His breath is warm, and moist. Small tremors run down my spine. In my current state of shock I feel hyper-aware, acutely sensitive. He rubs my tense shoulders in an attempt to relax me. Despite myself, I feel my body soften. My legs grow weak, and I lean heavily on Brady.  
  
He pulls back is head and looks again into my eyes. I wonder what he sees swimming in the depths of my eyes. Can he tell what I'm thinking? Can he see how much I hurt? How much I feel?  
  
I know the answer when he leans his head down and places his lips on mine. His kiss is soft, tender. Mine is fierce, needy. {Please,} I beg with my thirsting lips, {take the pain away.} I don't even remember opening my lips, pleading for him to deepen the kiss.  
  
He obliges with a low moan that I can feel in my stomach. It is such a heady, dizzying sensation. The joining of our bodies through our mouths. For one, blissful moment I forget about my impending death. I just loose myself in this kiss, in the emotions that are rocking my heart.  
  
This is Brady. I remind myself. Brady your friend. I press my body against his. I guess we can throw 'friend' out the window. I don't want to be his friend. I want to be his lover. I'm rocked by feelings and sensations I've never felt before. Not even with Phillip. Especially not with Phillip.  
  
I've never had sex. I'd like to experience it, just once. Before I die. I guess that's why my hands slip to his belt. I've already undone the belt and moved on to his pants by the time his brain catches up to me.  
  
He pulls back from me suddenly, leaving me cold, hurt, abandoned, rejected, relieved. I stare at him, tears forming in my eyes.  
  
He fights to catch his breath. Sympathy shines in his eyes as he caresses my face. "We can't, not like this." He shushes my reply. "I know you're in pain, pain like you've never known. You're hurting and you're scared. And there is nothing I want more than to take away your pain. But this isn't the answer. It won't make your pain disappear; it will only postpone it. And it's not how I want us to be."  
  
He stares deeply into my eyes and smiles. "When we make love, it will be because we are deeply in love with each other, and we want to express that love. I will accept nothing less. You are too important to me, Chloe Lane."  
  
His next words take my breath away. "I love you." 


	5. Chapter Five

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Five  
  
I replay his words again in my head just to make sure that I heard him correctly. I hear his rich voice, thick with emotion. "I love you, Chloe."  
  
I wish that I felt shock, or even surprise. But I don't. "I know." I say simply. I'm barely aware of the words slipping out of my mouth. In truth I've always known. You couldn't have the kind of deep, caring friendship that Brady and I share without love being at the heart of it.  
  
I turn away from his waiting gaze and aimlessly wander the apartment. My hand absentmindedly brushes against Isabella's picture. Suddenly, everything seems to fall into place. Our entire relationship shines under a brand new light. Wow. Brady loves me. I smile at this unexpected revelation. Brady loves me.  
  
I think of the powerful kiss we just shared. My body still quakes from the aftershock of the intense passion that rocketed through me. That passion had a base, a foundation. It wasn't just about me trying to ease my pain, no matter how much I want to believe it. No, it was something much more. It wouldn't have been as powerful otherwise.  
  
I always thought that I loved Phillip. But I never felt like this before, not even that night when we almost made love in the stables. That was like something that was expected of me, even though Phillip never really pressured me. It was just like, we've been dating for so long, we're in love, so this is what we do, kind of thing.  
  
But just now, with Brady, it was like finally expressing something that has been inside me since before forever. Kissing him didn't feel weird, or strange. It felt right. More right than being with Phillip ever did. But if what Phillip and I had wasn't love, then what was it? And what is this thing I feel now for Brady?  
  
I look back at him, where he's still standing, posture relaxed, attitude casual and non-pressuring. Like he knows I need to work through this. I smile and laugh inwardly. He knows me so well. He warmly returns my smile and I melt.  
  
Suddenly memories dance in my mind. I remember our magical times spent together last summer. I remember snow fights and ice skating. I remember our date at the movies and dancing at Lexie's party. I remember how it felt to just be with Brady all those times; laughing, touching, dancing.  
  
As the memories waltz through my mind, a simple truth is revealed to me. A truth I've always known. I love Brady. More than that, I'm in love with him. Wow. Certainly explains my dreams of late. My dreams of Brady have been both intense and unnerving.  
  
I'm in love with Brady. The realization fills me with both indescribable joy and fear. What am I doing falling in love with my best friend? The very same day that I've been diagnosed with a potentially fatal disease?  
  
A sigh of acceptance escapes my lips. What can I do? It's too late to change how I feel. I fell in love with Brady a long time ago.  
  
I walk back towards him and stand facing him. I reach up and cup his ruggedly beautiful face in my hands. He kisses my palm tenderly, that now- familiar current of electric heat shooting up my arm. I gaze into his deep blue eyes, preparing myself to fall headlong into the abyss. I've never said these words before, not to anyone. Then again, I don't believe I've ever felt this way before, either.  
  
I see the hesitant uncertainty in Brady's eyes. He's wondering how I feel. He has stepped out on a major limb, and I have yet to say a word. I can see the fear too, in those swirling cobalt depths. And I know I can't let him feel this way any longer.  
  
Consequences be damned, for once I'm going to tell him how I feel.  
  
I smile deeply to relieve his tension and reply simply, "I love you too, Brady."  
  
No other words are needed as he presses his lips to mine. His kiss is gentle and tender, filled with so much love that I'm astonished when tears slip from my eyes. This is such a beautiful moment that I'm amazed; I didn't think anything on earth could surpass our previous kiss. I was wrong. All other thoughts fly from my brain and there is only this one sublime moment, frozen in eternity when our lips our joined and our hearts beat as one.  
  
An indeterminate amount of time passes and we break our kiss. I pull back from him slightly as the absurdity of the moment sinks in. Not six hours ago, I was told that I have leukemia. Cancer. And now I'm kissing my best friend, telling him I love him?! Have I found the love of my life, now that I'm going to die?  
  
I laugh and cry simultaneously, bittersweet tears of joy and pain flowing from my eyes. Brady wordlessly holds me to him tightly, understanding what I'm feeling right now. I know he's feeling it too. Wondering if he's found me just to lose me.  
  
I pull myself together and wipe my eyes. I try a small smile. I chuckle softly and look at Brady.  
  
"Your timing really sucks." 


	6. Chapter Six

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Six  
  
I take one last look in the mirror to inspect my appearance. I smooth away small wrinkles in my gown and adjust my cap. Quickly I run through my speech in my head.  
  
I can't believe this day is finally here. Graduation. It's a bittersweet moment for me. Like all my friends, I'm so happy to be graduating, high school behind me, my future before me. But then I remember what my future holds. While everyone else will be preparing for college, I'll be undergoing chemotherapy treatments and waiting for a bone marrow match to be found.  
  
Was it just yesterday? Yesterday, when my world was rocked violently by the news of my illness? It had begun like any other day. I had just found out that I was the class valedictorian and had started on my speech. I was also nervously looking forward to my audition for the master class at Julliard. And then it had all changed.  
  
I found out I have leukemia. I also found out that my best friend Brady is in love with me. Even more amazing, I love him too.  
  
Amazing what can change in one day. Yesterday I was healthy. Today I'm sick. Yesterday, Brady was my best friend. Today he's my what…boyfriend? Okay, we haven't really talked about it yet. We're both still kind of dealing. I know my illness hit him hard.  
  
I wonder how my other friends will take it? God. Belle will be devastated. Shawn will be upset too. Which is why our plan for this evening has to work. If I di….if I don't make it, I need to know that those two will be together and happy. I want them to be happy; those two were the first to welcome me when I came here. They accepted me for who I was, without any reservations. They are still my two dearest friends (aside from Brady, of course.) They belong together.  
  
Brady isn't too happy about our plan to get Belle and Shawn back together. He's still very angry with Shawn for breaking Belle's heart. He's very protective of his little sister – another thing I love about him. But I just know that there is more to the whole Jan thing than meets the eye. I refuse to believe that Shawn slept with her – no matter how many times he says that he fathered her baby – I still can't believe it.  
  
Which is why I asked Shawn to be my date tonight. Phillip is taking Cynthia, so that she'll spill what she knows about Jan's baby. Brady reluctantly agreed to escort his sister. He does want her to at least enjoy her last high school dance. Hopefully, during the course of the evening, Shawn and Belle will talk and maybe work through things. I hope it works. I hope Brady and I will be able to spend a little time together. MMMM, I bet he'll look nice tonight – all dressed up. He is so hot in a tux.  
  
I look in the mirror to find myself blushing. I can't believe the things I'm thinking. Actually, though, I've been thinking them for a while – I just couldn't admit it before now.  
  
There is a soft knock on my door. "Chloe honey, it's almost time to leave. Are you okay?" Nancy's concerned voice asks.  
  
I open the door. She looks at me with pride and smiles. "Oh, Chloe. You look so grown up in your cap and gown! Oh, my baby's graduating today!" she sniffles as she dabs at her eyes with a handkerchief.  
  
I laugh. "Nancy, the ceremony hasn't even started and you're already crying!"  
  
She smiles back at me. "I know. I can't help it."  
  
I give her a big hug. "Well, try to calm down, okay. I don't want anyone to know that anything's wrong. I'll tell them later. I just want to forget about everything and enjoy myself today."  
  
Craig steps up behind me and pats my shoulder. "Are you ready, Chloe?"  
  
I inhaled deeply. "As ready as I'll ever be."  
  
He tips my chin and looks in my eyes. "You don't have to do this, you know."  
  
"I know. But I want to. I want to enjoy today."  
  
Tomorrow will come soon enough. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
"Chloe! Over here!" I make my way through the crowded gym to where Belle is standing. I'm soon enveloped in a crushing Belle Black hug.  
  
"Chloeeee! Can you believe we are graduating today?!" she squeals, almost resembling her old self. Almost. She displays the same effervescent, perky attitude she had before the whole Jan\Shawn mess began, but her sad blue eyes give her away.  
  
I'm instantly reminded of the first time I met her that day in the hospital. Nancy had been hit by a car after I had run away. I was visiting her and that's when I ran into Belle. I told her that I was a famous opera star and she totally called me on it. I was immediately drawn to her warm, generous spirit. She was, is so different from anyone I have ever met. She is the very first friend I ever had.  
  
So many memories fly through my head. Sleepovers, late night chats on the phone, shopping excursions. I look in the face of one of my best friends and I'm suddenly moved by an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Does she know how special she is? How much she means to me? During our friendship did I take the time to show her how I feel?  
  
Tears suddenly fill my eyes. Belle immediately grows concerned. "Chloe, what is it? What's wrong?"  
  
I can't speak as small tears spill out of my eyes. I want to tell her but now is not the time and definitely not the place for such a serious conversation.  
  
"Chloe are you okay?"  
  
I shake my head and try to blink back my tears.  
  
Brady comes to my rescue from the bleachers where he was sitting with his father and Marlena. He intercedes with a forced smile. "Oh, don't worry. Chloe's just being silly and emotional on her graduation day. I think it's a girl thing." His teasing remark allows me the chance to rein my emotions in.  
  
"Ha, ha." I answer dryly while swatting his chest. I smile to relieve Belle's worry. "It just occurred to me that after today, it's all over." I don't miss the flicker of pain in Brady's eyes. "High school, I mean." I quickly clarify.  
  
Belle smiled briefly. "I know, I've already had to reapply my eye makeup five times today because I keep crying. (sniffs) I can't believe we're never gonna see this place again!"  
  
"Oh don't you start!" I cry in mock horror. "Besides, there will be our reunions. We get to come back in ten years to see who got fat and bald."  
  
Well, some of us will. I hear Nancy's voice in my head. Be positive, Chloe. Okay, I'll be positive. I will be here in ten years. I see the concern in Brady's eyes and I know he's dying to talk to me, alone.  
  
"Um, Belle, I think I see Mimi over there." He hints subtly.  
  
"Oh. Really?" Belle inquires innocently.  
  
"Yeah. Why don't you go talk to her?"  
  
"You want me to talk to Mimi?" she asks again. This time there is just a hint of a smirk on her face.  
  
"Yeah. I'm sure she would LOVE to talk to you." He repeated pointedly.  
  
"Oh, Okay. I'LL go talk to Mimi. Later, Chloe!" she walks off with a large grin on her face.  
  
"Uh, Bye Belle." I respond. I turn to Brady with puzzled eyes. "You think she knows about us? I ask quietly.  
  
Brady was watching her leave with the same look of confusion on his face. "I don't think so – I haven't told anyone." He moves closer to me and gently caresses my arm. "How are you doing?"  
  
I nod my head slightly. "I'm …okay. I just want to enjoy today. And tonight." I smile at him wickedly.  
  
He responds with a wicked grin of his own. "I hope we'll be able to spend some time together tonight."  
  
I'm about to reply when Phillip comes up to us. "Brady. Chloe." He greets us with just a hint of hostility in his voice.  
  
I sense, rather than see, Brady's expression of annoyance. He gives me a quick hug and a chaste peck on the cheek. "Chloe, I'll see you later. Later, Uncle Phil." He goes back to sit with his family.  
  
Phillip watches Brady leave with blatant jealousy blazing in his eyes. I stifle the urge to laugh. Phillip turns to me. "So, what were you two talking about?" his question is friendly enough, but there is no mistaking the underlying suspicion in his tone.  
  
I roll my eyes. Apparently, he senses that I'm getting ready to launch into one of my 'It's none of your business what I do with Brady' speeches because he throws up his hands in apology.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He says quickly. "You and Brady are just friends." He continues.  
  
Yeah, that's one way of putting it.  
  
I realize that I've tuned him out as he tells me how he hopes we can be together tonight. He makes all these plans for our future together in New York. He can't wait to see how beautiful I'll look tonight. I remind him that we will both have other dates. He then proudly tells me that he dumped Cynthia.  
  
What?! I'm amazed by his cruelty. "You broke your date with her the day of the dance? Phillip, you're the one who asked her out in the first place! Even Cynthia deserves better than to be treated like that!"  
  
"Hey, I only asked her so that we could learn the truth about Jan. But now, there's no need."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Jan admitted to lying about Belle killing her baby."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Yeah, and she's leaving town after Graduation. No more Jan – which means no more obstacles for Belle and Shawn. I know you're taking Shawn – I'll take Belle, and when they get together, then you and I can be together."  
  
"Um Phillip? Brady's taking Belle to the dance."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Because he knows of our plan and he wants Belle to enjoy her last high school dance."  
  
"Oh. Well, I'll just go stag and we can still be together."  
  
"Phillip…" I begin, trying to think of a way to let him down gently. But he ignores me as he fishes in his coat pocket. He pulls out a box and I groan inwardly as I recognize it. He pulls out that hideous tree charm necklace and again tries to give it to me.  
  
I breathe a sigh of relief when Mr. Woods signals us to get ready. I leave Phillip to get in line for the processional. The ceremony actually flies by. I get misty-eyed during Belle's speech. I see Brady's expression of immense pride for his little sister.  
  
It's time for my speech. I stand up, a little too quickly, as my head spins. I take a deep, calming breath and step up to the podium. As I speak about embracing the future that lies before us, my gaze falls on my loved ones in the audience.  
  
I see Shawn, and remember singing a duet with him on his birthday. I see my mom and remember the first time I saw her at the orphanage. I see Craig and remember the first time he made me smile after one of my fights with Nancy.  
  
Lastly I see Brady, but no memories come to mind. I can't see anything. It's like our past together means nothing if we don't have a future.  
  
I'm overcome by sadness and I falter toward the end of my speech. I feel the blood drain rapidly from my face. My vision blurs and I grip the podium. I see the concern on Brady's face, the frantic worry on Nancy's. But I can't respond; I'm paralyzed by fear and I feel so weak. Craig stands up in his seat. I shake my head imperceptibly and tell him with my gaze to sit back down. I'm okay.  
  
With a great force of will I pull myself together and finish my speech. I drop gratefully into my chair amid the applause and whistles from the graduating class. One by one we receive our diplomas and finish the ceremony by moving our tassels to the right side of our caps.  
  
Phillip yells, "Graduation!" and we throw our caps high into the air. His words ringing in my head.  
  
"It's the first day of the rest of our lives." 


	8. Chapter Eight

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
"Chloe! Shawn's here!" I grimace as I hear Nancy's voice from downstairs. Does she have to yell? I check myself one last time in the mirror. I look pretty nice, if I do say so myself. Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddo. Because tomorrow I begin the chemotherapy treatments that will make me sick and probably cause my hair to fall out.  
  
But it will be worth it if it works. Don't think of this anymore Chloe – remember, you want to enjoy tonight. I graciously walk down the stairs expecting to see Shawn waiting for me. But he's not there.  
  
"Where's Shawn?" I ask Nancy. I groan inwardly to see she's got that $%@#$%#$ camera in her hands. Please tell me she's not going to take pictures!  
  
"He's out on the porch with Craig."  
  
I step out on the porch to find Craig and my date involved in what looks like a pretty serious conversation.  
  
"Um, Craig? Everything okay?"  
  
Craig smiles reassuringly. "Just fine, sweetheart. I was just giving Shawn the old big scary father speech."  
  
"Craiiig!" I moan through clenched teeth. Nancy comes out with her camera. I paste a smile on my face and pose with Shawn for the obligatory pictures.  
  
Finally, Shawn and I head off to the dance. I turn to my date. "Sorry about that – the pictures and everything." I say sheepishly.  
  
He chuckles warmly. "Don't worry. My parents were much worse, I assure you." He pauses for a moment and looks at me intently. "Um, Chloe, is…everything okay with you? Craig seems really concerned about you and he gave me a long speech about making sure that you were okay tonight. He gave me like five numbers to call 'in case something happens.'" Shawn finishes with a dead-on impression of Craig that cracks me up.  
  
"Well, you know that I haven't been feeling well lately. I've had a few dizzy spells and I've even passed out a couple of times. He's just afraid that it will happen tonight." I try to answer casually, but my voice wavers slightly.  
  
Shawn frowns slightly at me. "Do they know what's causing the fainting spells?"  
  
I bite my lip, nervously searching for an answer. I don't want to lie, but I can't tell him yet. I settle for a half-truth.  
  
"Craig thinks I'm anemic – not enough iron in my blood. (which is technically true, due to the leukemia. Okay, changing topic quickly.) Anyway, I don't want to talk about this. Tonight is our last Last Blast!"  
  
He smiles at me but then grows serious. "Chloe I want to thank you."  
  
I look at him quizzically. "For what?"  
  
"For asking me to the dance tonight. I know it's just as friends, but the very fact that you still want to hang with me after everything I put Belle through, well, it means a lot."  
  
"Don't mention it. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance." A second chance. That would be nice. "Anyway, I've always thought there was something strange with this whole mess."  
  
He chuckles. "Well, you were right. I'm not going to go into the specifics, because I have to talk to Belle first, but you were right. Things with Jan weren't as they appeared."  
  
We arrive at the gym and he offers me his arm. "Shall we?"  
  
We enter the gym and I immediately feel hundreds of eyes on me. Shawn jokes softly. "You think maybe they're surprised to see us together?"  
  
I laugh. "No doubt."  
  
My eyes search the dimly lit gym for a sign of Brady. Nothing. I glance over at Shawn to find him also searching the crowd. Then suddenly, I freeze. I can feel his presence behind me. I turn to watch Brady and Belle enter the gym. Shawn sucks in his breath at the sight of Belle in her beautiful dress. I do the same as my eyes travel over Brady's figure. He is spectacularly dressed in a tux of dark, royal blue fabric that make his amazing blue eyes stand out even more. Our eyes lock and he gifts me with a sweet, sexy grin that steals my breath.  
  
I reluctantly tear myself away from his piercing gaze. I risk a glance at Belle. Poor thing, she looks like she'd rather be anywhere other than here. She sees Shawn and drags Brady off in the opposite direction toward the refreshments. Shawn moves to follow but I restrain him.  
  
"It's not the right time. Wait a little while – when she's loosened up."  
  
Shawn and I awkwardly pass the time with small talk. He again talks of his plans for college at which point I hastily change the subject. Maybe too hastily, for I've drawn a curious stare from him.  
  
"Chloe, are you sure you're okay? You look very pale."  
  
I smile hesitantly. "Yeah, I told you I'm fine. Must be the lighting." Truth is, I feel horrible. My head spins like it did earlier at Graduation and it is taking all my effort just to remain standing. Come on, Chloe. Pull yourself together – just a little while longer.  
  
Shawn leaves to get us some punch and I gratefully sink into an empty chair by the wall. I look out on the dance floor where Brady has dragged his protesting little sister. I laugh as Brady goofs off for Belle's benefit. Even she has to chuckle at his antics. His dancing (and I use the term loosely) can only be described as Pulp Fiction meets Saturday Night Fever, with a little polka thrown in for good measure.  
  
I'm not surprised to find that Brady has attracted quite a crowd of female admirers. One girl gushes. "Oh, that Brady Black is sooo hot! And so sweet to bring his little sister to her last high school dance! (dramatic sigh)"  
  
I look at the handsome man on the dance floor and my heart fills with pride. This amazingly wonderful man loves me. And I love him.  
  
Approaching footsteps pull me out of my reverie. I look up to see "Phillip" I greet him pleasantly.  
  
"Chloe, you look so beautiful tonight. But of course, you're always beautiful."  
  
"Thanks, Phillip. You look very nice, too." I keep my conversation light and cordial. I'm trying not to encourage him, but then again, he never needs much encouragement.  
  
He looks me over and smiles, flashing his dimples at me. "There's just one thing missing to make you perfect." he says and pulls out the dreaded white box. He takes my hand and places the charm necklace in my palm. I look at the necklace and sigh heavily.  
  
I give it back to him. "I'm sorry, Phillip, but I can't accept this."  
  
"I know, I know. You aren't ready for a relationship yet. But can't you just accept it as a gift from a friend?"  
  
"Phillip, we both know that merely being friends isn't enough for you. You want me to be your girlfriend, and I'm afraid I can't give you that. Ever." I speak to him as gently as I can; I hate the look in his eyes. He's so heartbroken. I really feel sorry for him.  
  
Then his eyes harden and the tender moment passes. "It's Brady, isn't it? He's turned you against me."  
  
I roll my eyes. So much for handling this as adults. "Brady has nothing to do with this." Okay, so he has a little something to do with it, but Phillip definitely doesn't need to know that. "Too much has happened between us, Phillip. Too much has changed. I'm sorry. We will never be more than friends."  
  
It's finally sunk in as he gives me one last mournful look and then storms out of the gym. I feel a mixture of relief and nausea. I hate hurting him like that, but it had to be done.  
  
Shawn comes over with a cup of punch. "Was that Phillip I just saw flying out of here?"  
  
"Yeah." As I sip the fruit punch I see Belle detach herself from her big brother and head over to the punch table. "Now's your chance! Go!" I hiss.  
  
He swallows the sudden lump in his throat. "Wish me luck." And leaves.  
  
Brady floats over to me from the dance floor. Concern shines in his blue eyes. "Are you okay?"  
  
I nod quickly. "I just felt a little dizzy, that's all. I'm fine now."  
  
He looks over at the secluded corner where Belle and Shawn are talking. "You better be right about this. If he hurts her again, I swear I'll beat the snot out of him."  
  
"What, again?" I joke.  
  
He grins sheepishly. "Okay, you're right. I shouldn't have beaten Shawn up. It's just, I can't stand to see Belle hurt."  
  
"I know, you were just being protective big brother guy. It's one of the things I love about you." I smile at him playfully.  
  
"Oh, just ONE of the things, huh? What are the other things you love about me?" he asks, his face displaying that amazing grin of his.  
  
I scratch my head for a moment. "You know what? Slipped my mind." I tease.  
  
"Well, perhaps dancing with me will jar your memory." He pulls me out to the dance floor for a slow dance. I can feel dozens of jealous eyes boring into me. Sorry, girls, he's mine.  
  
We dance the rest of the night away, song after song. Right now, wrapped in Brady's strong arms, with my head on his chest, right now I feel completely at peace. My incessant worries fly away. We exchange no words as we dance; none are needed. Our dance together is beautiful and bittersweet. Neither of us can forget that I'm sick, but for now we push it out our minds and enjoy this one moment in each other's arms.  
  
As the last dance begins, I look over to see Belle and Shawn dancing. I nudge Brady and he looks over at them and smiles. Belle looks so happy. I'm so glad for my two best friends. I'm hopeful for their future together. If they can get through this, they can get through anything.  
  
Brady smiles down at me. "Okay, okay. You were right."  
  
"(gasps) Doth mine ears deceive me? Did the great Brady Victor Black just admit to being wrong? Say it isn't so!" I quip.  
  
"Ha, ha. Very funny." He laughs and twirls me around. I spin quickly and land hard against his chest. I look up at his face and my breath catches in my throat. There is such desire, such longing, such tender love reflected in his eyes that I'm frozen in place.  
  
I make no move as he lowers his lips to land softly on mine. We kiss deeply, ignoring the catcalls and whistles. We forget everything and everyone around us as we unite our souls through our kiss.  
  
However, our kiss is broken by a rough shove that sends me tumbling backwards. It takes me a moment to register Phillip standing before us, fire blazing in his eyes. He reeks of booze, and staggers unsteadily.  
  
"I knew it!" He shouts at me. Brady moves in front of me to protect me from Phillip's wrath. "I knew there was something going on between you two! So much for just being friends!"  
  
"Phillip, you're drunk!" I shout at him, trying to get him to calm down. My vision once again begins to blur and I'm unsteady on my feet.  
  
Phillip whirls on Brady. "I knew you were after her. You've been poisoning her mind, turning her against me for months! Can't you see, Chloe? Can't you see what he's doing to you?" he pleads with me, his red eyes watering. Brady again blocks Phillip as he makes a grab for me. My strength is quickly fleeing my body. Please God, not here. Not now.  
  
Phillip angrily swings at Brady, which he easily sidesteps.  
  
Mr. Woods quickly intervenes. "Phillip, you know drinking isn't allowed on school grounds, neither is drunkenness. Please leave the premises now, or I will call your father."  
  
Phillip ignores the teacher and again turns to me. "Chloe, don't listen to Brady! He's lying to you. He doesn't love you like I do!" he pleads with me, his words slurring.  
  
His voice sounds so far away. I try to respond, but I can't. I can't move, I can't do anything. I vaguely hear Brady's panicked voice call my name as I fall into the gathering darkness. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
"Chloe, Chloe! Come on, answer me! Please?" I hear Brady's quivering voice plead through the darkness. The darkness slowly fades into shades of gray fog. Soon the fog lifts and I can see clearly, although it is a few minutes before I can make sense of what I'm seeing.  
  
Apparently I am floating high above the gym floor looking down on Brady and the others. I feel cold and strangely detached. The feeling only grows when I see that Brady is cradling my limp body in his arms. That can't be me. If that's me, then who am I?  
  
Ooh, wait. I bet I'm having one of those out-of-body experiences. Cool. Or maybe I'm dying. Please God, don't let me be dying! Weird; I want to panic, but I can't. I feel  
  
calm, at peace. I watch the scene unfold before me.  
  
I feel so bad for my friends, for the panic on their faces. Shawn whips out his cell phone and cries out, "I'm going to call Craig!" Brady checks my pulse and continues to call my name. Belle, poor Belle, she just watches helplessly, worry reflected in her wide blue eyes. It's going to be okay, Belle. I'm not going to leave you. If I can help it.  
  
Laughter erupts from my spirit form. The other students, in typical Salem High fashion, are standing around gossiping wildly. I laugh at the wild stories they invent to explain my fainting. One girl guesses drugs; another hints at pregnancy. Another girl, a snotty little cheerleader says that I'm faking to get attention. Right, like having two men fight over me at a high school dance didn't grab enough attention, I had to pass out too.  
  
I look down at Phillip who is drunkenly hovering over my prone figure. Tears slide out of his red eyes. "Chloeee, wass wrong wi youuu?" his words slurred and sloppy. He reaches out to caress my face, but Brady angrily pushes him away.  
  
"Haven't you done enough to her?" He snarls as he pulls my body closer in his protective grasp.  
  
Phillip shoots back unsteadily. "What you ssaying, Brrady? Dat I made er passs out?"  
  
Brady is about to reply when Belle steps between them. "Why are you acting like this? Like there's something wrong with Chloe. She just passed out. That's all!" Her words though, are contradicted by the visible panic on her face. "It's just hot and stuffy in here. Chloe is going to be fine." Belle states emphatically.  
  
Shawn joins in after getting off the phone with Craig. "An ambulance is on its way. Um, this isn't the first time that Chloe has fainted. Chloe told me earlier that she's anemic; that she doesn't have enough iron in her blood. Brady, you're awfully quiet. Do you know something that we don't?"  
  
Brady looks away and avoids their gazes. Belle turns to her brother. I can see her hands tremble slightly. "Brady, Chloe is going to be okay, right?"  
  
Brady looks back at his worried little sister. Unshed tears shine in his blue eyes and his voice is thick and gravelly. "No, Belle. Chloe is not going to be 'okay'. She has leukemia. She has cancer." His last statement echoes loudly in the suddenly quiet gym.  
  
Thanks, Brady. Not QUITE the way I had planned on telling them, but, oh well. I look at the faces of my friends to see how they are handling the sudden news. It isn't hard to see the shock mirrored on their faces.  
  
Belle's eyes grow even wider and she blinks back sudden tears. "C-cancer?" She repeats, her voice so small and weak.  
  
Shawn simply stands there, that stony expression of his reflected clearly on his face. "What? Why, why didn't she tell me?" he asks simply.  
  
Brady replies, never once taking his eyes off my still face. "She found out yesterday. She starts her chemotherapy treatments tomorrow. She just wanted to enjoy today and focus on getting you and Belle back together. This whole evening has been entirely for your benefit." He smiles down at me and brushes a stray lock of hair from my face.  
  
Belle finally gives into her tears and falls into Shawn's arms. They take comfort in each other. I am so glad to see them together, where they belong.  
  
"How did you find out?" Phillip asks Brady, jealousy clearly evident in his unstable voice.  
  
Brady rolls his eyes at his drunken uncle. "She told me, Phillip. Yesterday."  
  
"She told you. She didn't tell me, but she told you." Phillip turns away sadly.  
  
Brady simply ignores him and caresses my face. "Come back, okay Chloe? Come back to me."  
  
I want to. I try to but I feel something pulling me away from him. The gym floor grows smaller and smaller and suddenly a bright light envelops me. I am blinded momentarily, but then the light fades and I can see again.  
  
I look around in surprise. I'm at Brady's loft. But it looks way different. Feels different too. I catch my breath when I hear beautifully sweet singing floating down from upstairs. I cautiously walk up the stairs. "Brady?" I call out.  
  
Upstairs in Brady's bedroom I find a breathtaking brunette bending over a white crib singing. The woman straightens and turns to face me. "Hello, Chloe." She greets me with a deep smile that warms my spirit. I gasp when I realize who it is.  
  
"Isabella," I breathe softly. "You're Brady's mom. Wait, you know who I am?"  
  
She gifts me with a grin that is reminiscent of Brady's. "Of course, I know many things." She smiles down at the crib beside her. "I know that you are very important to my son."  
  
I can actually feel my transparent cheeks blush. "He's very important to me too." I say shyly. Isabella bends back down to coo at the baby in the crib. I walk over and look in the crib. Inside I see a beautiful baby boy with bright blue eyes and a soft mass of blond hair. "Brady" I exclaim softly. He has never seemed more beautiful to me then he does at this moment. I reach down to caress the soft hair on his head. I smile when he gurgles at me.  
  
"Is this really happening?" I ask the lovely woman before me.  
  
"Yes, and no." She replies with a musical, lilting voice. "This place is timeless, eternal. Here all things exist at all times. Reality has no meaning here."  
  
I suddenly feel sadness and longing creep over me. "Is this Heaven? Am I dead?"  
  
Her eyes grow sad and distant. "I had to make a choice. A happy life with an adoring husband, or my beautiful son Brady."  
  
"You chose Brady."  
  
"Yes. I turned down the cancer treatments that might have saved my life, so I could have my son and so I could spend the precious few remaining months with him and my husband. It's amazing, how much life you can pack into a few months."  
  
Isabella looked at me seriously and I knew she was trying to tell me something very important. "You have a choice to make too." She began to fade.  
  
"What choice?" I called out to her retreating form.  
  
"You'll know when it comes." Her voice grew fainter as once again I was enveloped in a white light. Her last words echoed out to me and engraved themselves on my heart.  
  
"Some things are more important than life." 


	10. Chapter Ten

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
"Unnnnhh" I groan as I slowly open my eyes. I blink away the haze in my mind and find Nancy's face hovering inches above my own. "AAAAH!" I scream, startled. She ignores me as she begins to yell excitedly.  
  
"Craig! Craig! She's awake! Chloe's awake!"  
  
"nancy.stop yelling..hurts my head." I moan softly. Even the slightest noise is amplified a thousand times to my sensitive ears. I try to sit up, but my body is a lead weight. "What happened?"  
  
Nancy turns to me, her eyes a mixture of relief and concern. "You passed out at the dance, sweetie. We brought you here to the hospital. You've been out now for a couple of hours. You had us all worried." She flashes a small smile at me.  
  
"I fainted at the dance?" Great. Color me mortified. There's nothing quite like passing out in a public forum. Wait. Blurred images play in my mind. I danced with Brady, we kissed, there was the 'unpleasantness' with a sh*t- faced Phillip, and oh yes, I passed out. And then.  
  
"I remember." I say quietly as the memories become clearer. "I was talking to Isabella." But that can't be right, can it?  
  
"She's right outside. I dare say she's anxious to see you." Nancy says as Craig enters the room, charts in hand. He smiles at me and kisses my temple as only a dad can do.  
  
"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" he asks while he checks my vital signs.  
  
"Better than before. I can't believe I fainted at the dance. I'm so embarrassed." I groan in mock horror. "Wait, you said that Isabella is outside?" I ask as my mind finally catches up to my ears.  
  
"Yes, Belle and all your friends, well except Phillip. We sent him home to sober up." Good, I can NOT deal with him right now.  
  
"Can I see them?" Especially Brady. I want to reassure him, let him know that I'm not going anywhere.  
  
"In a few minutes, sweetie. First though, I wanted to let you know that we've decided to start your chemotherapy treatments tonight, as soon as possible."  
  
"O-okay." My nervous stomach begins to twist in anxious knots. I knew that chemotherapy was inevitable, but now that it's actually here I'm terrified. It just kinda makes the whole 'I've got Cancer' thing real.  
  
Craig squeezes my trembling hand. "It's going to be okay, Chloe. You're going to get through this." I smile back and place my life in his capable hands. "I'm going to get everything prepared. I'll send your friends in, okay?"  
  
He hugs me tightly. "Thanks, Craig." He smiles back and leaves.  
  
Nancy tenderly squeezes my hand also. "He's right, Chloe. You are going to get better. I promise." I swallow my laugh. I'm afraid that's beyond your power to promise, Nancy.  
  
Belle timidly peeks her head in through the curtains. "Hey, Chloe. Can we come in?" She and Shawn sedately enter the room, followed by a stone-faced Brady. I know that this must be so hard on him.  
  
Nancy turns to go. "I'm going to help Craig. I'll be back in a few minutes, sweetie."  
  
Belle looks at me awkwardly; her blue eyes filled with unshed tears. "Um, Chloe, we know. Uh, Brady told us."  
  
"I know. It's okay. I was going to tell you eventually anyway. Don't look at me like that, Belle. I'm going to be okay." She nods, but the tears spill from her eyes despite her attempt to be brave. I pull her closely to me while she sobs in my ear. "I'm so sorry, Chloe. So sorry."  
  
"Don't be. It's not your fault. This is just one of those things we can't control." My, don't I sound wise and mature suddenly. Can you say façade?  
  
Belle sniffs and wipes her eyes. She flashes me a bright Belle Black smile. "So, how can we help?" she states with her trademark optimism.  
  
I chuckle. Belle always did know how to make me laugh. "Just be here for me." I look at my friends and my heart swells with an emotion that I can't even describe. Gratitude, pride, love. My own eyes well with shimmering tears.  
  
Craig interrupts to tell us that it's time for my treatment. Shawn and Belle hug me one more time and then wave goodbye as they leave the room. Brady turns to Craig. "Dr. Wesley, can I have just one more minute with Chloe?" Craig nods once and then leaves.  
  
Brady comes forward to me and cups my face in his hands. At his tender touch, my façade quickly crumbles. "I'm so scared, Brady."  
  
He kisses the top of my head lightly. "I know. I am too. Just remember, that when you get out of treatment, I'll be here waiting. I'm here for you Chloe. You aren't alone. We will get through this together."  
  
I collapse crying into his strong arms. He hugs me tightly to him. I hear his erratic heartbeat in his chest and I know that he is as terrified as I. Craig comes back for me. Brady smiles at me and kisses my lips softly.  
  
"I love you, Chloe."  
  
"I love you too, Brady." As Craig wheels me into the operating room, I turn to look at Brady one last time. To the end of my days, I will always remember that sad look of pained anguish on his face. I want to comfort him and promise him that it will be okay.  
  
But such promises are beyond my power to make. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
The afternoon sun streams through the window in my hospital room. From my bed I can look outside at the beautiful summer day. The sky is a clear and deep cobalt blue that reminds me of Brady's twinkling eyes. Outside in the neighboring park families gather together for Fourth of July picnics. There will be a fireworks display a little later.  
  
I should be outside celebrating with my family and friends, but instead I am confined to my bed; held captive by the disease inside of me.  
  
It's been nearly a month since my collapse at the Last Blast. I've had three chemotherapy treatments, each one more painful than the last. In addition to the chemo, I'm taking progressive medications designed to delay the advance of the cancer. As a result, I'm sicker now than I have ever been before. I am weak, exhausted. Sometimes it takes all my strength just to sit up in bed.  
  
I've lost so much weight; I don't even look healthy. My skin is pale and my face is drawn. But I still have my hair! Although it isn't as shiny as it usually is. I'm taking lots of vitamins to offset the effects of the chemo, and I'm on an organic, whole foods diet.  
  
I miss Brady. Because I'm so tired and weak, I'm only allowed visitors three times a day and then only for ten minutes at a time. But I can count on Brady to be here at every visitation; morning, noon, and night. At first he spent the night in my room a lot and even slept in my bed a few times. But Craig put a stop to it once I began to get really sick.  
  
I miss those times though. There is nothing like falling asleep in Brady's arms, surrounded by his warmth. That is the only time that I feel safe, hopeful about the future. And when I wake up, and he's still there, his blue eyes smiling down on me; it's the closest thing to Heaven.  
  
I really need him right now. Against my will my mind flashes back to this morning. To when I got some bad news. No, bad news is finding out you have cancer. This is even worse.  
  
I remember Craig and Nancy slowly walked into my room, their faces grave and serious. I immediately knew something was wrong; I'm now quite familiar with those expressions. I sighed heavily and simply asked, "What is it?"  
  
"Chloe, sweetheart." Craig began his familiar refrain. "I'm afraid we have some bad news."  
  
I rolled my eyes, thinking what could possibly be worse than my present predicament? "Spit it out, Craig."  
  
Craig ignored my interruption and continued. "I just got your most recent tests back and it appears that the chemotherapy is working. The cancer has greatly slowed its advance. However, it is still spreading. In order to effectively remove the cancer, you will need a bone marrow transplant."  
  
"Oh-kay." I replied slowly.  
  
"First though, we need a donor match, someone whose marrow is compatible with yours. The best chance of finding a match lies within family members. Your mother has already been tested. She is not a match. Nor are any of her relatives. The match that we need lies on your father's side."  
  
I looked at Craig, struggling to comprehend exactly what he was saying. I remember asking, "Is this when I finally find out who my father is?" I looked at Nancy for a response. That was when I noticed her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.  
  
She bit her lip nervously and Craig put his arm around her for support. She finally met my eyes. "I can't tell you."  
  
What?  
  
"I can't tell you because I don't know who your father is."  
  
I looked at her incredulously. "You don't know who my father is?" I didn't say the words that immediately came to mind. How many men was she involved with that she doesn't know who fathered me? Unbelievable.  
  
Nancy took in a shaky breath. "I don't know because I was raped."  
  
Raped. The word echoed through my head and self-loathing like I have never known washed over me. She was raped. No wonder she didn't want me when I was a baby. I am the product of a rape, the cruelest act of violence that one person can inflict upon another. Most people are born from love; I was created out of hate. Tears slipped out of my eyes. I should have never been born. I shouldn't be here now.  
  
I remember weakly crying out, "I'm so sorry." I wasn't even aware of her arms wrapping around me. She rocked me gently as she told me over and over that it wasn't my fault. She cupped my face and looked into my eyes.  
  
"You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You healed my broken heart, and made me feel alive again. Don't ever be sorry for being born. I love you, Chloe, and I could not love you anymore had the circumstances of your creation been any different. Never forget that." She told me firmly.  
  
Nancy then went on to tell me what had happened that night. She and Craig had just broken up, and she was devastated. She had been talked into to going out to a bar with some of her girlfriends, and that's where she had met him. All she knew about him was his name, Antonio. He had a thick accent, probably Italian, and Mediterranean good looks. "He was so sweet and such a gentleman. And you know how wild I am over men with accents." Nancy interjected with a slight smile.  
  
Over the course of the evening, they shared quite a few drinks. Nancy soon discovered that her friends had disappeared. She was quite inebriated, so Antonio offered her a ride home. Only, he didn't take her home, he took her to a cheap hotel. She had been out of sorts at first, but when she realized that he was making sexual advances, she immediately refused and tried to escape. But he easily overpowered her and forced her onto the bed.  
  
"Afterwards when I was finally back in my dorm room, I felt such shame and revulsion. I thought that I would never get over it, that life would never be the same again. I even contemplated suicide. But then a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant, and it was the most wonderful feeling. I felt that God had heard my cries and given me this precious gift to ease my pain. Those months, having you inside of me, was the most wonderful and joyous time of my life. It broke my heart to give you up."  
  
Again, tears spilled out of my eyes, emotion overflowing from my heart. I had always thought of her as the woman who had abandoned me all those years ago. I never considered what she must have been going through, being forced to give her baby up. I began to see her with brand new eyes.  
  
We hugged each other for several minutes, both of us bawling uncontrollably. Finally though, we calmed down enough for Craig to finish his news.  
  
"Unfortunately, this means that we now have to look outside your family for a donor match. It is still possible to find a match, but the chances are slim. I have already placed your name on the national register of patients awaiting donors, but it could be quite a while before a donor is found. Meanwhile, we will just have to continue with the chemotherapy treatments, and pray that a donor can be found soon. Your friends have organized a donor drive for you and many people in Salem are being tested to see if they are a match for you."  
  
"They are?" I was astounded, and overcome by immense gratitude. People that I didn't even know were fighting for me. Thanks to my friends. "Let me guess, it was Belle's idea?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I think so. It sounds like her." Craig answered with a smile.  
  
That's Belle all right. Always out to save the world. One person at a time.  
  
So that was this morning. I've been doing a great deal of thinking since then. It's about all there is to do in here. I'm still stunned by the revelation of Nancy's rape. But I'm dealing. The majority of my thoughts center on my prognosis. I could see it in Craig's eyes, even without him saying it. My prognosis is not good. The national register is basically a very long waiting list. People on that list die while waiting for matching donors. Who am I to think that my chances are any better?  
  
Oh, Chloe, don't think about this now. There's always tomorrow to worry about your future. Just focus on the present. And right now the present consists of a Fourth of July date with the most important person in your life.  
  
The door of my hospital room slowly creaks open and the person I want to see most in the entire world peeks his head in.  
  
"Brady!" 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
"Brady!" I exclaim happily. He slowly enters the room and his arms are laden with goodies. One hand holds a pitcher of iced tea; the other carries a large picnic basket. He kicks the door shut behind him and makes his way carefully to my bed. He sets the pitcher and the basket on the table beside me and gives me a long, lingering hug.  
  
I melt in his embrace and his warmth flows over me. My earlier worries flow right out of the room. He's always had that effect on me. My heart flutters when he kisses my temple, his soft lips lingering for a second on my skin. I'm glad I can't see the silly grin on my face. I'm like a little girl with a crush!  
  
His silky voice caresses me. "Hey, beautiful."  
  
I can feel the deep blush burning my cheeks. Right now I am anything but beautiful. But if Brady wants to say I am, who am I to argue?  
  
He gently sits down beside me on the bed. He reaches over to brush stray locks of my limp hair off my face. The back of his knuckles caresses my cheek slowly, tenderly and I'm shocked by the emotions the gentle touch invokes in me. I find myself wishing once again that I wasn't so sick, that Brady and I could be together the way I want us to be.  
  
His blue eyes are sparking with desire and I know that he's thinking the same thing. It isn't fair! I hate being trapped in this bed, in this room while outside the world is spinning and life goes on. Most of all I hate being near this amazing, beautiful man and not be able to kiss him. Really kiss him.  
  
I know I should be thankful that I can even be near him at all. Our 'date' today is breaking all kinds of hospital rules. Fortunately I know 'people' who can bend those rules.  
  
Just being near him reminds me just how much I have missed him. From our first heated exchange on the pier, he has been so important to me. Last summer he was my lifeline, and I've since grown used to spending large amounts of time with him. He is my best friend, my soulmate, the missing part of me. And being away from him is killing me.  
  
He's suffering too. I can see it in his tired, bloodshot eyes. The dark circles under his eyes tell of his long sleepless nights, worrying about me, worrying that I'm going to leave him like his mom did. His skin is pale and drawn, like he hasn't seen daylight in weeks. And is just me or is he skinnier, too?  
  
"How are you feeling, today?" he asks cheerfully. But I can detect the underlying worry as he studies my eyes and takes in my appearance.  
  
I give him one of my slight smiles as I reply honestly. "So-so. Better now that you're here."  
  
He gives me that grin again and damn! I want to kiss him! Okay, exercising patience. There will be plenty of time for mind-numbing kisses when I am better. And I will get better. Just being with Brady lifts my spirits, fills me with hope. I will get through this. In the meanwhile, I still have today.  
  
A delicious aroma wafts across my nose. Is that.? It is.  
  
"Turkey bacon. You made us BLTs!" I exclaim excitedly. It's been awhile since I've had real food. This crap they serve in the hospital is not fit for my mom's dogs!  
  
Brady laughs with joy at my enthusiasm. "Yes. BLTs. I had to pull a few strings in order to sneak this meal in, but it was worth it to see your face. Inside this lovely wooden basket are enough BLT sandwiches to feed a small army. Or me at any rate. We also have whole fruits and veggies, because you have to have something healthy. And dessert." He adds with a wicked grin that leaves me very curious.  
  
"Dessert?" I ask seductively.  
  
"That comes later." He replies with a wink.  
  
He busies himself with opening the picnic basket. With a grand flourish, he unfurls the checkered tablecloth and spreads it out on my table. He sets two wonderfully scented candles on the cloth, followed by two glasses, and plates and silverware. He then arranges the food in an appetizing display. My mouth is actually watering. This is going to be so perfect.  
  
He walks around toward me and gently wraps his strong arms around my chest. I lean on him for support as I struggle with my weak muscles into a sitting position. I breathe heavily; even that small exertion exhausts me.  
  
"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks worriedly.  
  
"No, I'm fine. It's just staying in one position all day makes my muscles stiff."  
  
"Yeah, I remember the hell I went through with my legs when I was paralyzed. They should do physical therapy with you to prevent atrophy." He suggests.  
  
"I guess with trying to find a donor for me and everything, physical therapy isn't high on anyone's list right now."  
  
"Speaking of donor, you know that we have organized a donor drive for you. Well, it was Belle's idea, but we've gotten a lot of volunteers together and it's set for this weekend. Maggie Horton is donating gift certificates to Tuscany for people who get tested. Caroline and Shawn Brady are taking care of the food. Oh, Jack Devereux and Jennifer Horton have gotten their paper to advertise for the drive, and both Basic Black and Titan are donating money to leukemia research. Already, there is a lot of excitement about the drive and we're expecting a large turnout. Surely, one of them will be a match for you."  
  
My mouth gapes open in astonishment. I am speechless. So many people are working so hard, putting forth so much effort, for me.  
  
"Wow. I don't know what to say. This is incredible. Thank you." I reply simply as my eyes fill with tears.  
  
Brady smiles at me. "Thank Belle. She's awesome at getting people to volunteer for stuff. She should do this for a living. You should have seen her. I mean, she had complete strangers signing up to help for the drive. She was in her element, that's for sure."  
  
I laugh heartily. That's Belle all right. Energy and enthusiasm in a bottle.  
  
Brady laughs when my tummy rumbles audibly. "Guess we better get some food in you, huh?"  
  
I devour my first sandwich like I haven't eaten in days and then without pausing for breath dive into my next one. I've actually beaten Brady, which is quite a feat. Oh, it is soooooo good. Now I know what Brady was talking about that day we first made BLTs together. This is Nirvana. MMMM, the wheat bread, toasted just right, the turkey bacon, the coleslaw. Oh, Heaven.  
  
Brady chuckles at the look of pure, unadulterated bliss that has stolen over my features. "I take it that you are enjoying your Fourth of July dinner?"  
  
I nod in reply; my mouth is too full of food to even attempt talking. I finish the second sandwich and wipe the crumbs off of my hands. He moves to sit beside me in the bed so we can finish our meal while looking outside.  
  
"Hey, you can't see anything from here." He comments and gets up to move my bed closer to the window. It is now at the perfect angle to watch the afternoon sun as it grows low on the horizon.  
  
He snuggles back beside me and proceeds to hand feed me various pieces of fruit. I laugh when he pops a white grape into my open mouth. I reciprocate with a fat strawberry that erupts in dark red juice that spills over his chin. We continue feeding each other, laughing joyfully, enjoying each other's company. I want this to continue forever, but I am becoming quite full. I pat my full tummy.  
  
"Wait, don't forget dessert." He smiles and pulls a beautiful homemade apple pie out of the basket. "Caroline made this especially for you."  
  
I cannot believe that I managed to scarf down an entire piece of pie, with whipped cream, no less.  
  
"Ugh." I groan, now too full to move. Brady, on the other hand, is helping himself to another piece.  
  
Time passes leisurely as we lay in the bed side by side, watching the sun set. No words are needed in this sublimely beautiful moment. I am moved to tears by nature's colorful display. Never, in my life, have I witnessed such beauty. It is like a present, just for the two of us. Time has stopped and there is just Brady and I, alone, witnessing the beauty of creation. Yellows swirl with pink oranges. Pinks transform into purples. Purples become the blue-black of night. The sun is gone, replaced by stars of infinite number, all of them smiling and twinkling down on us.  
  
The fireworks begin and I lay my weary head on Brady's shoulder. He pulls me closely and wraps his arm around me. My eyelids grow heavy and I gradually fall into sleep. I am happy, wrapped in my love's warm arms. I know that I am safe. He will not let me die. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
There are 351 tiles in the ceiling. There's an odd number because there's a row of half tiles where the ceiling meets the far wall. The outside wall is made of brick that has been painted a bright white. There are 426 bricks making up that wall. There are 38 grain spots on the wood table next to me.  
  
I don't know if you can tell but I am bored. Bored bored bored BORED! I'm so bored, I want to scream and pull my hair out but my hair is already falling out so what's the point? BORED!  
  
My tv gets 36 channels but since it is 2 am and I'm suffering through another can't sleep cause the pain is so bad night, don't you know the only things on are bad B movies from the 70's and Jerry Springer? And there are only so many "I'm leaving my husband for my cousin" episodes you can watch.  
  
Sigh  
  
Wow, the stars are so pretty tonight. So clear, and sparkly. Just like they were the night of the Fourth. The last time I saw Brady.  
  
I miss him so much. I thought I missed him before - that doesn't come close to how I'm feeling now.  
  
A couple of weeks have passed since that wonderful day and we are now firmly in the middle of July. The donor drive was a huge success in that a lot of people turned out to get tested, but we have yet to find one match for me.  
  
Meanwhile the chemo is really starting to take its toll. I thought I was sick before? Ha. I was the poster child for perfect health compared to how I feel now. I have been in complete quarantine for the last two weeks now. No visitors - no friends, no Brady, not even Nancy or Craig. Just the occasional nurse wearing this head to toe, germ free, spacesuit thing that looks like a NASA reject.  
  
Oh God. It hurts so much! It's a constant, agonizing, throbbing pain, and I can't get comfortable in this stupid, lumpy bed, and my hair is falling out in huge clumps, and I have been stuck in this bed for the last six weeks and I am tired of looking at the same tacky-ass curtains!  
  
I could take all of this if I could just be with Brady. That really is the worst part about being sick; being separated from someone who has become the most important person in my life. I need him like I need a cure. How can I get through this without him? He's been there for me through so much in my life, even when I didn't want him around. And now, the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life and I have to do it alone?  
  
I look over at my bedside table and smile. Even though he can't visit me, Brady has still taken great care to show his love and support for me. Everyday I receive a stack of cards and letters from him. He used to call me a lot, but we'd wind up talking until one in the morning, so Craig put a stop to it. There's now a ten-minute time limit on calls.  
  
But it is worth it, just to hear his voice. His calls never fail to lift my spirits. For ten blissful minutes, I'm not a sick girl trapped in a bed. No, I'm with Brady and we are eating pancakes at Brady Pub, riding in his jeep singing loudly with the wind in our faces, bowling at Salem Place and I am kicking his butt as I score another strike.  
  
I hear his voice and I am transported out of this cold, sterile room and I'm standing in a beautiful gazebo at night. The stars are twinkling and the lights in the gazebo sparkle brightly. There's soft music playing and it's just me and Brady, dancing to our own melody, wrapped tightly in each other's arms. A wonderful dream.  
  
But one that won't come true.  
  
I'm dying. I know it. The odds of finding a donor outside my family are miniscule. And the chemotherapy treatments have only succeeded in making me even sicker.  
  
So if I am dying, and I only have a little time left, do I want to spend that time locked up in here, away from my friends and family, away from Brady?  
  
Suddenly, I remember my ethereal visit with Isabella. Strange. I haven't thought of it since it happened. Now it all comes back with crystal clarity.  
  
She said I had a choice to make. Just like she did. She chose her son over her life. She chose not to undergo the treatments that might have saved her, so that she could instead have Brady, and spend her precious few remaining months with her son and her husband.  
  
{It's amazing how much life you can pack in a few months.} I hear her musical voice and peace, like I have never known washes over me.  
  
Could I do that? Could I choose to stop with these wretched, useless treatments, and instead live my life, however little there is left, free?  
  
I lived fifteen years before I met Brady, but I wasn't alive. I never knew life until he showed it to me. I cannot contemplate spending anymore of my life without him.  
  
I've made my choice. I know what I have to do.  
  
Some things are more important than life. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
Author's note: I'm not a doctor and I know nothing about leukemia. Everything in here is made up. Just pretend it's accurate, okay?  
  
I stretch lazily in my warm comfy bed and yawn deeply. I could stay here forever. I cannot tell you how good I feel right now. I'm back in my own bed, in my own room. I'm home.  
  
The summer sun shines through my lace curtains and outside birds are singing. My favorite Beethoven CD plays quietly. It's so peaceful here, tranquil. Sugar keeps me company as she lies curled up at the foot of my bed.  
  
"Hey sugar!" I reach over and scratch behind one of her fuzzy ears.  
  
It's amazing. I've only been home two days, but I already feel much better. I feel stronger, healthier, even though I know that it's not an indication of my actual condition. I'm still sick. I still have Cancer, and without the chemotherapy treatments keeping it in check, it is going to begin to spread.  
  
I can still hear Nancy's reaction to my decision.  
  
"You want to WHAT?!" she had bellowed - her cry of astonishment echoing down the hospital corridor.  
  
Craig was just as stunned. He looked at me with incredulous eyes and spoke slowly as if I was a confused child.  
  
"Chloe, sweetie, I don't think you understand. The chemotherapy is what's fighting the cancer. It is the only treatment option available to us. If you do not undergo chemo then the cancer will continue to spread until." he trailed off, not wanting to voice his thoughts.  
  
"Until I die." I finished for him.  
  
"Yes." He agreed quietly.  
  
"I know that, Craig. I also know that chemotherapy is a treatment. It's not a cure. I still need a bone marrow transplant to completely rid my body of the cancer. And that means finding a donor."  
  
"We're looking, honey." Nancy interjected tearfully. "You're on the national register."  
  
"I've done the research, Nancy." I interrupted gently. "There are people on that list who've been waiting a year, even two, for donor matches. You said it yourself, Craig, the odds of finding a match for me are slim."  
  
"We are going to find you a match." He said, conviction blazing in his eyes. "We will do more donor drives, and not just in Salem, all over the state, we'll go all over the country if we have to. There's a match for you out there. We just have to find it." He gripped my shoulder firmly; as if to give me strength, hope.  
  
"In the meantime," he continued, "We'll continue your treatments. Chemotherapy can hold off the disease for a couple of years, in some cases as long as six years before the cancer takes its toll."  
  
"Yeah, in the meantime, I'll be trapped in this room, separated from everyone I love! I can't stand another minute in this place, let alone years!" I cried hotly.  
  
I inhaled deeply, and when I spoke, my voice was soft but strong.  
  
"Without the chemotherapy treatments, how. how long will I have?" I asked my parents as tears formed in my eyes. Nancy stifled a pained moan and tears slipped from the corners of her tired eyes.  
  
Craig swallowed the lump in his throat and replied, trying to maintain his professional manner. "I would guess that, given your present state and the stage of the illness, you have.maybe six months. Maybe less."  
  
His sober answer hung in the air as I pondered their meaning. Six months. Not a lot of time to find a match. My spirit twisted in worry. I didn't have a clue what I should do. I didn't want to give up, to die, but maybe it was time for me to finally face facts. Maybe a donor would never be found, and I'd spend my last days alone in a cold, sterile hospital room.  
  
"So, it comes down to a choice. Six months of happiness, or years of misery." I thought out loud. I frowned slightly. At that moment I suddenly began to feel a presence behind me. I could almost feel a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
  
Craig spoke up, interrupting my thoughts. "You understand, though, Chloe, that as the disease progresses, you will feel worse. Your nosebleeds and fainting spells will return and toward the.the end, you will be so sick that the chemotherapy will feel like a.a walk in the park."  
  
I nodded my understanding. I couldn't explain it; I still can't explain how I just knew that I was making the right decision. I felt almost a force guiding me, telling me the path I should take. Once again I heard Isabella's words in my mind, I felt her peace flowing through me.  
  
Craig reluctantly agreed. Once a patient refuses treatment, there's really nothing he can do to force it. I think Craig understood my reasoning, my desire to live as normally as possible. I guess it's because he's a doctor; he's worked with the very sick and terminally ill before. I guess there comes a time when you accept your illness and you want to have some control over how you spend what little time you have left. In any case, he gave me his blessing and that day I was released.  
  
Nancy, however, is a different story. She thinks I'm giving up, and maybe she's right. But I know that this is what I have to do, no matter what the outcome is. It's hard for me to look at her; there is such pain and anger in her eyes. But I know that her anger is directed at herself. She thinks that she has failed me, that my illness is her fault. How can I make her understand? This isn't about her.  
  
The phone rings, shaking me out of my reverie. I know who it is before I even look at the caller id display. Brady. Again I ignore his call and it eventually rolls over to voicemail.  
  
My vision blurs with unshed tears. Brady. He's part of the reason why I wanted to leave the hospital, so I could be with him. But when I got settled in here, it suddenly hit me. Cold realization hit me with the force of a tidal wave. I was refusing treatment. I had basically condemned myself to a death sentence. I have little hope that Nancy and Craig are going to be able to find a donor in that short amount of time. It just suddenly became real for me. I was going to die.  
  
How can I face Brady? I can I look into his beautiful blue eyes and see the recrimination there. I know what he's going to say. That I'm giving up, I'm quitting. Just like before when I gave up my music dream to be with Phillip. He'll look at me with those brutally honest eyes that look right through my soul and he'll accuse me of playing yet another role, the dying heroine, the sainted martyr.  
  
But even worse than that, I'll look into his eyes and see the pain that will be so evident there. The pain that yet another person that he loves is leaving him. I will be his mother all over again, except this time he'll be old enough to remember, old enough to feel the loss, the pain of my death.  
  
When I planned this in the hospital, I had dreams of us being together, growing close; a romantic vision of me dying in his arms. But now I am faced with the harsh reality of my impending death. How could I do that to him? How could I spend these short months with him, loving him, only to leave him when I die?  
  
It's better this way. No contact. Clean break. It'll be as if I'm already dead to him. I want him to remember me the way I was, not as I will be, weak and frail.  
  
I snuggle down deeper into my bed, pulling my covers up over my head. Dammit! How can life be so cruel? I love him so much, my heart aches in my chest. But I can't, I won't hurt him like that. I curl into a ball and sob for the life that could have been, for the love we could have shared.  
  
My endless tears have soaked my pillow when I hear a soft knock on the door. Nancy. I roll my eyes.  
  
"Go away!" I cry out, my voice rough and shaky.  
  
The door opens anyway and I sit up to see who has interrupted my mourning. I can't believe my wet eyes.  
  
"Br-Brady." 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
My breath catches in my throat. Brady stands in the doorway, his expression a mixture of love, pain and anger. Especially that last one. His face is hard, his jaw tightly clenched. His eyes bore into mine and I know he is highly pissed.  
  
I drop my eyes to stare at my hands as they clutch my soft blanket. I can't look at him. It's too hard. If I look into those eyes - then I won't be able to do what I have to.  
  
I keep my eyes downcast as he slowly makes his way to my bed. He sits down beside me, lightly at first and then he settles his weight fully. I can feel his thoughtful stare but I still avoid his eyes. If I can get through this without looking at him.  
  
No such luck. He reaches out and gently but firmly grasps my chin and lifts it so I am forced to look at him. I had just begun breathing normally when the simple contact again steals the breath out of my lungs. My prepared speech flies out of my head as I stare into his blue eyes.  
  
I wouldn't have traded this moment for anything. I haven't seen Brady in too long and even though I am seeing him under less than ideal circumstances, that doesn't matter. He's here now, his fingers gently cupping my chin, his eyes staring at me with such naked love shining in the blue depths.  
  
He smiles warmly and tenderly wipes the tears off my wet cheeks. He sighs deeply, exasperation clearly written across his handsome features. His shoulders slump in resignation and he runs his fingers through his short hair.  
  
He turns back to me and gazes into my eyes.  
  
"You know I love you, right?"  
  
I nod silently.  
  
"But you can understand why I want to strangle you right now."  
  
I smile sheepishly and stare at the soft comforter covering me.  
  
He stands to his feet and paces restlessly. I wait patiently. I know he has something to say and he's not going anywhere until he's said it.  
  
Another deep sigh from him.  
  
"Help me out here, Chloe. 'Cause I am really having a hard time understanding how you can be so unbelievably selfish."  
  
What? "Selfish?" I repeat, my voice stunned, with a slight edge to it. How can Brady think I'm being selfish?  
  
"Yes! Don't you know what you're doing to the people who love you? Do you even care?"  
  
"Of COURSE I care!" I reply hotly.  
  
"You care? Then what the HELL are you doing here? We- your friends, your family, hell, even complete strangers have been working non-stop to find a donor match FOR YOU, and this is how you repay us? You give up at the first setback, because we weren't immediately successful? This is a direct slap in the face to everyone who cares about you, to everyone out there fighting for you." He points an accusatory finger at me and I can see the blue fire blazing in his eyes.  
  
"I am truly sorry for that, but you know what? Everyone else isn't trapped in a hospital room while some disease eats away at them. Everyone else isn't undergoing chemotherapy treatments that leave them sick and in constant pain with their hair falling out! Everyone else isn't suffering through this alone." Okay, maybe I sound like a spoiled brat right now but Brady has no right to judge me. He doesn't know what I've been through.  
  
"Alone? Chloe, you are hardly alone! We are all here for you, going through this with you."  
  
"Really? I didn't see you guys when I was up late at night due to the unbearable pain. I must have been too busy watching my hair fall out and my dreams of Julliard fly out the window!" I yell back sarcastically. Wow. Brady and I haven't fought in a long time, and it actually feels pretty good. Just like old times.  
  
He throws his hands up in the air and whirls to face me. "Oh, I'm sorry if fighting for your life has inconvenienced you! Tell you what, next time you get a potentially fatal disease, we'll be sure to work it around your schedule!" He fires back, his voice raised in anger.  
  
I pale at his harsh remark and blink back sudden tears. I know he's just telling the truth, in true Brady Black fashion. He's right, I'm giving up and I'm letting everyone down. But how can I explain to him, how can I make him see that I'm doing the right thing. Hell, I can't even be sure of that.  
  
His face softens and he plops down again on the bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't come here to yell at you. Well, I did, but I didn't come here to upset you. It's just, Chloe do you have any idea how much you're hurting your parents, your friends, me? You aren't the only one affected by your decision. We are all in this together. I know that you felt alone, and forgotten while you were in isolation, but I can assure you that we were all working to find your cure. Your parents haven't gotten any sleep; they've been totally focused on finding a match for you. Dr. Wesley has even taken a leave of absence from his duties as Chief of Staff at the hospital so he could devote more time to the search. As we speak Belle and others are going door-to-door to ask people to get tested. They haven't given up. Why should you?" he asks softly, looking intently into my eyes.  
  
It's a beautiful, moving speech, but I am resolute in my decision. I can feel Isabella guiding me, prodding me to this course. "You don't understand." I plead. "I can't."  
  
"You can't what? Try? Fight? Live?" He questions angrily, his deep pain evident on his face. Disbelief reflects in his eyes only to be replaced by disappointment. In me.  
  
"I guess I was right when I first met you. You are a coward." He finishes softly, his face cold, devoid of any emotion. He turns away from me, his shoulders slumped in defeat.  
  
I don't know how to respond. That's my only excuse for the words that next leave my mouth.  
  
"If I'm a coward then your mother is too because she's the one telling me to do this." Oh God, Chloe shut up! I cannot believe I just said that! I can only hope that Brady didn't hear me.  
  
He turns slowly to face me, his face unusually pale. "What did you just say?" he asks incredulously.  
  
How could I have been so unthinking, so cruel, to mention his mother? I say nothing and bite my lips nervously. I thought his eyes were pained before, but it is nothing compared to the deep anguish swirling in them now.  
  
"Chloe." He says simply.  
  
I meekly try to explain, to make him understand. "I know this sounds crazy, but I've talked to your mom, to Isabella. She told me I had a choice to make, like she did."  
  
His eyes are cold and angry and he speaks through clenched teeth. "My mom died from the choice she made. Is that your choice?" he asks, his voice faltering in pain. I know what he's feeling without him even telling me. His mom died and now it looks like I will too.  
  
Then just like that, his eyes are shuttered and his face is now a cold stone mask. "I guess that's it then." He then turns and exits my bedroom door without a second look back.  
  
A strangled cry escapes my throat and I collapse on my bed in tears. I should be glad. I succeeded in driving him away. Now he won't have to deal with the pain of my illness and eventual death. So why do I feel like my heart is breaking?  
  
I curl up into a ball and clutch my pillow to my chest as huge choking sobs spill from my body. Brady, I love you so much and you will never understand why I'm doing this. I remember the pain in his eyes, the defeat in his posture and my cries are redoubled. I cry until exhaustion overtakes me and I fall into blessed sleep.  
  
  
  
I slowly awake to a knocking on my door. It's probably Nancy. I'm surprised she didn't come earlier to check on me after my fight with Brady.  
  
"Come in." I call out groggily and shift into a sitting position in the bed.  
  
I choke back a gasp when Brady walks slowly into my room. I didn't expect to see him again, certainly not so soon.  
  
"Br, Brady." I stumble.  
  
He looks pale, very pale. And his eyes are wild; his movements jerky and nervous. He meets my eyes and smiles hesitantly. He sits down on my bed but then immediately stands up again. He paces for a minute before turning to face me.  
  
"Chloe, you said you've been talking with my mom?" he asked rapidly.  
  
"It was only once, and it happened when I fainted at the Last Blast. It was just a dream, Brady. I didn't mean to say."  
  
He shushes me with a gentle smile. He takes my hands in his. "Tell me. What did she say?" his questioning eyes bore into mine.  
  
"She said that she had a choice to make and that I had one too." I reply hesitantly. Why does Brady want to hear this?  
  
"What else?" he asks insistently.  
  
Her last words to me replay in my head. "She said.she said that some things were more important than life." I say simply. I expect a pained response to my words but am shocked when he simply nods and resumes his pacing.  
  
He begins talking without looking at me as he walks around my room. "Shortly after I moved into the loft, weird things began to happen. I'd place on object on one table, only to find it later somewhere else. (As he speaks I suddenly remember Isabella's picture that I had found in a different location then when I left it.) The snow in your snow globe sometimes whirls all by itself. I've even found clothes that I had left lying on the floor folded up neatly in my closet." Brady chuckles and smiles that grin of his.  
  
"I told Dad about it shortly afterwards and he dismissed it. And things started happening with you and I haven't given it a second thought. Until today.  
  
"I saw her, Chloe." His eyes sparkled brilliantly and his face glows from within. "She was beautiful, like her pictures, only more so. I felt such love, such sublime joy radiating from her; I felt like I was a child again. I could imagine her holding me in her arms, cooing to me with her soft, lilting voice, loving me with all her spirit." He falls silent, remembering the magical moment and I am moved to tears at the reunion between mother and son.  
  
Brady laughs. "It was funny. Here is the spirit of my long dead mother in my apartment, she hasn't seen me in my entire life and her first words to me aren't 'I love you' or 'I'm so proud of you' or even ' I'm your mother, Brady.' No, her first words to me are, 'You are just like your father. So stubborn, eyes closed to the truth even when it's staring you in the face.' She went on to tell me that my one job was to love you with everything I had and that if I didn't come back here right away to tell you how much I love you then I was a stupid fool and don't you know, Isabella didn't give birth to no fool." He laughs heartily and I join him joyfully.  
  
He kneels beside me on the bed and takes my face in his hands. Our faces are inches apart. His eyes grow somber, but there is now peace in his expression. When he speaks his voice is soft and coarse.  
  
"Chloe, I. I don't know what the future holds. But I do know that as long as you are on this earth, I will never stop loving you, and I will never leave your side. I love you, Chloe."  
  
Tears fall freely from my eyes and my heart is busting with bittersweet joy.  
  
"I love you too, Brady." 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"I told you, it's a surprise." Brady replies while keeping his eyes on the winding road before us.  
  
It's a beautiful summer day. We're flying down an open country road, top down on the Jeep, wind whipping through our hair. The sky is a wonderful cobalt blue the color of Brady's eyes. It's warm but not too hot as the sun bathes us in its comforting rays. Puccini is blasting from the speakers and Brady sings along with Turandot's Prince Calaf. Heaven.  
  
"Do I at least get to know when we will get there?" I ask with a smile.  
  
"Not much further." He adds with a sly smile.  
  
AAAARRRGH! I'm dying to know what his surprise is and he knows it too, darn him! I have to smile though, it's typical Brady.  
  
His attitude has totally changed since our 'talk' a few days ago. He has accepted my decision and even understands my reasons. I have Marlena to thank for that.  
  
Two days ago in a last ditch effort to change my mind, Craig and Nancy arranged for us to sit down and talk with Dr. Evans. They wanted Marlena to counsel me as a psychiatrist, because I'm obviously in denial and my behavior is 'dangerous and self-destructive' to quote my supportive mother.  
  
Needless to say, I was not happy. But it turned out okay. Marlena was pretty easy to talk to. We chatted for a few minutes alone. I told her how the treatments and isolation made me feel and that was it.  
  
I was half afraid that she would agree with my parents, that somehow they could force me to undergo treatment by declaring me insane or something. Instead she gave a very moving speech on my behalf. This is what she said:  
  
"What we must realize is that this is a battle being fought on many fronts. This is not just a physical battle - the war against the cancer itself. Rather, there are mental and emotional elements to the struggle as well. Only recently has Western Medicine begun to grasp the importance of the emotional well being of patients suffering from long-term and terminal illnesses.  
  
Craig and Nancy, you two are fighting the physical battle in the search for a bone marrow donor. I know it seems as if Chloe has given up, but that is not the case. She is fighting the most important battle of all; the battle of the mind, of the spirit.  
  
It's mind over body. You may find a donor and proceed with a transplant, but the ultimate cure, the true healing of her body depends on her, on her strength and willingness to live.  
  
The chemotherapy treatments weren't just making her physically weak and sick. They were adversely affecting her emotional well being; they made her feel depressed and alone. I believe that the best thing is for Chloe to be happy and to live as normally as her condition allows. I realize that we are putting her life at risk by discontinuing the chemotherapy.  
  
But the sad reality is her life is already at risk. Should the unthinkable happen and we aren't successful in treating the illness, then wouldn't it be nice if Chloe was at least, happy in whatever time she has left?"  
  
The room was so quiet then, as her words sunk in. I had never thought about this illness as being an emotional or spiritual battle, but I guess it is. I already feel so much better about my illness, about my future, since coming home and seeing Brady. I just know that this is the right path for me, and if this path leads to my grave, then so be it. At least I will have enjoyed the journey.  
  
So while my parents and others are fighting the 'physical battle', Brady and I are fighting the emotional one by keeping my spirits up. Brady has taken over the job of caring for me, freeing Nancy and Craig to focus on their search. He's been with me a great deal, even though I spent most of those first days sleeping, rebuilding my strength. Today is the first day I've been out of the house since leaving the hospital. And it feels great.  
  
I worried about Brady being away from work so much to be with me and even told him so.  
  
He laughed. "Don't be. I got fired." He said with a smile.  
  
"Fired?!" I exclaimed in disbelief. I can't believe Mr. Black fired his own son!  
  
"Well, not exactly. He's making me take a leave of absence from Basic Black so I can take care of you without worrying about work."  
  
My eyes water as I remember that conversation. I still can't believe how everyone has rallied around me to show their support. I'm still floored by the generous donation Mr. Black made to Leukemia research on my behalf.  
  
My friends and family, even people I don't know, are beside me supporting me, fighting with me. It's a new feeling. I'm not alone. Not anymore.  
  
The two-lane road that we are traveling on winds around grassy valleys and wooded hills. I've never been out here before. All I know is that we're about an hour outside of Salem.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"You'll see." He answers with that annoyingly sexy grin of his.  
  
We climb higher into the hills - I wouldn't really call them mountains. We pass a couple of scenic lookouts before finally coming to a stop in a nearly empty parking lot.  
  
"We're here!" he announces with a wide smile and cuts off the engine.  
  
I'm still wondering where 'here' is as we unload the picnic goodies from the Jeep. I follow Brady through a level wooded trail. It's so peaceful here; the sun shines down through the canopy of leaves overhead painting everything green. Birds sing all around and a cool fragrant breeze blows in our faces. I can hear a stream gurgling nearby.  
  
After a few minutes of light hiking we come to a secluded clearing that looks out over a vast valley of rolling green hills. I catch my breath; the view is spectacular.  
  
Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind. "Surprise." He murmurs softly in my ear.  
  
"Brady, it's.. it's beautiful." I whisper, held spellbound by the beauty of the place. He hugs me closely to him and rests his head on mine.  
  
"There's an even more amazing spot here, but I was afraid the hike would be too much for you. I discovered this place when I was little. Our school had come here for a field trip and I had separated myself from the others, as I often did. I just stood here for hours looking out over the valley. I don't know, I just felt at peace here. I still do." He finishes quietly.  
  
I can feel what he's talking about. There's an ancient stillness here; a timeless tranquility. We stand here for a few moments just drinking in the peace, the serenity of our surroundings.  
  
Brady lays down a blanket for us under a weeping willow tree and sets up our picnic. Craig's trying an alternative, Eastern medicine approach to my treatment, which involves taking vitamins and medicines derived from natural herbs and eating whole grains, fruits and veggies. No meat of any kind and nothing processed. So none of Caroline's apple pie ( But it's still very good and I dig in heartily as Brady reminds me to take my medicine.  
  
We finish eating and lie down on the blanket. I snuggle close to Brady and lay my head on his shoulder. Through the dangling branches of the weeping willow we can see the crystal blue sky above us. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves and little white butterfly flitters lazily by. We lie together in silence as the moments slowly tick by.  
  
"Six months" Brady's soft voice breaks the silence. "That's how long Craig said you had without a transplant." It's a simple statement but he means it as a question.  
  
"Yeah. Six months. Maybe less." I reply. I turn my head to look at him. His blue eyes stare up into the sky. I wonder what he's thinking.  
  
"I was just remembering something Dad told me when he first showed me the loft. He was telling me about when he and Mom and I lived there right after I was born. Mom was sick then and she only lived for a few months afterwards but she put so much of her heart and energy - her life into those few months that the short period of time became timeless for them, eternal."  
  
"It's amazing how much life you can pack into a few months." I say, repeating Isabella's earlier message to me.  
  
"Yeah, exactly." Brady murmurs, his eyes still lost in the sky. He shakes his head as if to clear his mind and rolls over on his side to look at me.  
  
"Anyway, my point is that we could do that. I'm still hoping and praying that we'll find a donor for you, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't live every moment to the fullest."  
  
"That's why I wanted to get out of the hospital in the first place; to live my life." I reply.  
  
"So what would you like to do? Any dreams you want to fulfill? Goals to accomplish? Anything. I am completely at your disposal. I mean, you don't have school, I don't have work - we need to do something to fill our time." He cracks with a wide smile.  
  
"Hmmm," I ponder. I start by thinking of the things I wanted to do while I was locked up in the hospital. "I know! I want to go bowling again. I want to kick your butt just once." I grin mischievously.  
  
"Everyone should have a dream." He quips back. He pulls out a small note pad and a pen and begins making notes. "# 1 - bowling. Next?"  
  
"Um. I'd like to have another slumber party with Belle. It'd be nice to relive the old times like when we first met. Yeah, that sounds good. Staying up late talking and laughing, watching scary movies and eating junk food and chocolate." I smile just picturing it. I'm suddenly hit with how much I miss Belle, how much I miss just hanging out with her. Well, I'll fix that soon.  
  
"You in your pj's? Sounds like fun." Brady waggles his eyebrows in a silly grin.  
  
"Sorry. No boys allowed." I stick out my tongue in a wonderfully childish display. He pouts sullenly and I give him a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
"Okay, # 2 - slumber party."  
  
"You know, I'd like to complete our 'date' at the movies that Phillip ruined. We never did get to see our movie." I point out.  
  
"Chloe, it's been seven months. I doubt that "A Man and a Woman" is still playing anywhere."  
  
"Ha ha. We'll rent it, smart-ass. We'll watch it together at your loft - snuggled up on your couch, eating buttery popcorn." I snuggle closely to Brady and imagine our date.  
  
"Geez, what is up with all the junk food? I hope the next item on your list is joining a gym." He cracks, earning a playful slap on the chest courtesy of yours truly. Now it's my turn to pout and he kisses my cheek in apology.  
  
"You know I'm just kidding. I want you to gain back the weight you lost from your treatments." He says seriously.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Alright - movie date. What else?"  
  
"Oooh!" I exclaim with a gasp. "You know what I've always wanted to do? Roller skating!" I cry excitedly.  
  
He rolls his eyes and groans. "Welcome to the 8th grade." He quips.  
  
"Well I've never been, okay? I was too busy being scooted around from foster home to foster home to happy orphanage. All I know is that is was what all the other kids were doing. There are a lot of things I've never done that I want to try and if they seem childish to you then tough, you'll just have to deal." I state firmly with a smile.  
  
"Okay, fine. Roller skating." He mutters.  
  
"There's also my 18th birthday, but that's still a few months away. Um, I'd like to go to the beach - I've never been."  
  
"Um hello? Puerto Rico?" he reminds me of last summer.  
  
"That doesn't count. We were too busy trying to save our friends from a crazed jewel thief."  
  
"The beach huh? We're smack dab in the middle of the country and you want to go to the beach. You're gonna have to make do with one of the Great Lakes."  
  
"Okay. I also want to have a funeral."  
  
He looks at me like he's suddenly developed hearing problems. "Whose?"  
  
"Mine."  
  
"You want to have a funeral - your funeral. Before you're dead. Isn't that a little. morbid?"  
  
"Nah. We'll make it a no-tears funeral. It's just everyone coming together in celebration of my life. You know, laughing, telling stories about me, remembering the good times. What a funeral should be. Haven't you ever wanted to be at your own funeral?"  
  
"I can honestly say that I haven't."  
  
"It's not going to be as weird as it sounds, trust me."  
  
We continue on and by the time we're finished we have a pretty sizeable list. I remember one last thing and write at the bottom of the list "Promise." Some things I'll never get to accomplish, like singing at the Met and getting into Julliard, but they are still my dreams and I'm going to keep pushing toward them.  
  
I wonder what to call my list when the words come to me. At the top of the paper I write  
  
Things to do Before I die 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
"Ha ha, Strike! That's one more for the guys." Shawn triumphantly declares as Brady swaggers back to where we're sitting. We are myself, Belle, Shawn and now Brady who is bowing at the waist with that stupid self- satisfied smirk on his face.  
  
"Thank you, thank you."  
  
I roll my eyes at his idiotic display. Our "friendly little game of bowling" has quickly escalated into an all-out battle of the sexes with each side determined to win. Right now Belle and I are.a little behind.  
  
Shawn glances at the scorecard, a mocking grin on his face. "For everyone keeping score." he begins dramatically.  
  
"Which is us." Brady interrupts.  
  
".we are halfway through game 1 of 3 and the ladies (with a sidelong glance at us) have 97 points, while the guys have 147 points."  
  
Like I said, we're a little behind. But that's going to change. It's my turn. I select a pretty 10 lb. ball that has purply sparkles all over it. I heft the ball in my arms as I get into my bowling stance. Behind me the boys are snickering about how far behind we are.  
  
I coolly turn my head to glance back at them. "The night is young, my friends." I reply with confidence.  
  
I close my eyes and think back to last summer. I remember Brady's arms wrapping around me as he teaches me how to bowl. I remember the bolt of electricity that rocketed through me with his gentle touch. That was over a year ago. How did it take me so long to realize that I loved Brady?  
  
I open my eyes and try to focus on what he taught me. I send the ball spinning down the lane on a straight course for the center pin. CRASH!! All the pins but one are down and that last one is wobbling precariously. Come on, Fall! Fall! Yes! It's down. Strike for me! I saunter proudly over to the seats where Belle is jumping up and down.  
  
"Chloe that was awesome!" she squeals.  
  
"Yes, it was." Brady agrees as he hugs me tightly to him, a huge grin on his tanned face. He tenderly kisses the tip of my nose as he rubs my back.  
  
"I love you." He whispers softly.  
  
"I love you too." I respond happily.  
  
"Hey!" Belle's voice yells loudly. "Stop fraternizing with the enemy!"  
  
I laugh and reluctantly break out of Brady's arms.  
  
It's Shawn's turn and I groan inwardly. Shawn kicks ass at this game and as he winds up his arm, I know he's going to score another strike. But just when he's about to release the ball, Belle yells out.  
  
"I love you, Tough Guy!"  
  
Shawn stumbles off balance just as the ball flies from his fingers. The ball hits the polished wood floor with a loud KATHUNK! and warbles slowly off into the gutter.  
  
"Gutterball!" I cry out laughing.  
  
Shawn shoots daggers at Belle who maintains a look of pure innocence on her cherubic face. Brady is doubled over in laughter and even Shawn has to crack a smile.  
  
Brady slaps Shawn on the back. "I'm going to get more drinks."  
  
Shawn redeems himself on the second try by picking up a spare. Brady comes back with sodas for Belle and Shawn and bottled water for us.  
  
The game progresses and Belle and I are gaining on the guys. We're catching on to the game and our scores improve with every turn. Unfortunately, the boys still win the first game.  
  
Time passes and we are well into our second game. The boys are still ahead but we are not that far behind. We actually have a shot of winning this game. And if you're wondering how it is that we're doing so well, let me just say that Belle plays dirty. That's all I'm going to say.  
  
It's Brady's turn and I'm so busy watching him wriggle his butt in those oh- so-tight blue jeans that I don't notice the people coming up to us.  
  
"Hi guys!" a chipper voice calls loudly.  
  
"Hey Meems! Kevin!" Belle waves them over. Mimi and Kevin make their way over. Poor Kevin's arms are loaded down with shopping bags from Salem Place.  
  
"What's up?" Mimi asks.  
  
"Ultimate bowling showdown - boys against the girls. Wanna play?" Belle asks.  
  
Mimi glances at her watch. "Well, the movie doesn't start for another hour - I guess we could play one game, if you guys don't mind?" Mimi replies and glances at me.  
  
I shake my head, I don't mind. In fact, a wicked plan is beginning to form in my head.  
  
Brady shrugs and Shawn likewise replies, "The more the merrier."  
  
Mimi agrees. "Okay."  
  
"I call Kevin!" I cry out, a tad over-zealous.  
  
Brady and Shawn look as if they are desperately trying to keep from smiling. "Well, it is boys against the girls, but if you really want Kevin, then I suppose we'll take Mimi." Brady says with an attempt to remain serious.  
  
Give me time, Mr. Black. I'll wipe that smug look off your face.  
  
Kevin and Mimi leave to go lace up. Belle nearly yanks my arm out of its socket as she pulls me over to the side. "Have you lost your mind?!" she hisses loudly.  
  
"What?" I cry innocently, although I know why she's so upset.  
  
"Kevin?! I like him, I really do, but come on, it's Kevin!!" She hisses again, resembling a pissed-off snake.  
  
I stifle the urge to laugh. "Trust me, Belle, I know what I'm doing."  
  
We join the others just in time to hear Kevin exclaim that he's "never bowled before. This will be an experience. How do I hold the ball?"  
  
The boys collapse in laughter while Belle digs her manicured nails into my shirt. I maintain my cool confidence. We go through a cycle and finally it's Kevin's turn. He pushes his glasses up on his nose and selects a ball.  
  
"I think I have it figured out now. The point is to knock down all the pins, right?"  
  
More snickers from the guys.  
  
"Yeah, that's all you have to do." I assure him.  
  
He adopts a bowling pose and releases the ball with a single fluid motion. We all watch with baited breath as the ball travels down the lane. It spins wildly to the left and just when it is on the verge of careening into the gutter, it jumps away to the right, cleanly knocking down all the pins.  
  
"Strike!" I jump up from my seat.  
  
The boys' mouths have hit the floor in astonishment. Belle is equally unbelieving.  
  
Kevin walks back up to us. "Did I do it right?" he asks innocently and I erupt in laughter.  
  
"You did it perfectly." I answer between giggles.  
  
Shawn is the first to overcome his shock. "How did.how did you.how how?" he stammered.  
  
"He means, 'how did you do it?'" I translate.  
  
"Oh, it's simple. Elementary Physics. See, if the ball is X and the pins are Y, then." and he's already lost me. I'm very smart, but the kid is way beyond me.  
  
Mimi plants a proud kiss on Kevin's lips. "That's my smart man!" she claims happily.  
  
So now our team has a ringer. Every time out, he scores a strike. The girls (plus Kevin) are now waaaay in the lead and the boys are starting to sweat, just a little. We win the second game by a considerable margin. Unfortunately, our golden player has to leave so it's just the four of us, locked in a tie. The final game determines the winner.  
  
I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I don't tell anyone, but I'm really starting to feel run down. I've definitely hit my energy limit. I've spent most of the evening, sitting down, trying to conserve my energy, but I'm still drained. In the restroom, I splash cold water on my face as the room begins to spin. I clutch desperately at a nearby wall. Come on, let me just get through this. I can rest later. I am unsteady on my feet and the intense dizziness causes my head to fall forward. I stare into the white porcelain bathroom sink, mesmerized by my whirling vision. Suddenly drops of dark red blood appear in the sink and I look up into the mirror to see blood streaming steadily from my nose. I guess it's starting again. The dizzy spells, the nose bleeds. Come on Chloe, you knew this would happen. I hold the tissue paper to my nose and begin to shake uncontrollably. The onslaught of symptoms serves as a cold reminder of the seriousness of my situation. It's only going to get worse, before the end, and I have a very limited amount of time to find a match and receive a bone marrow transplant. The countdown has begun.  
  
The bleeding stops and I rejoin my friends. Brady looks at me questioningly with concern shining in his blue eyes, but I smile brightly and pretend that there's nothing wrong with me. We finish the game and though Belle and I have put up a valiant fight, the boys still win.  
  
We drop off Belle and Shawn and Brady drives me home. We're quiet in the Jeep; we're enjoying the summer night. A cool breeze blows removing the heat of day. The air is rich with the fragrant smell of freshly mowed grass combined with traces of honeysuckle. The stars twinkle brightly high above us and fireflies flitter past us, lights glowing brightly. Wordlessly, we enter my house. My parents aren't home, so Brady puts me to bed and stays with me until they get home. I'm exhausted and my eyelids are so heavy. I fall asleep shortly after getting into bed. As I drift off, in the back of my mind I hear a clock ticking down. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Eighteen  
  
"I guess that's everything." Brady says as he drops the last bag on the floor by his bed. I look around, studying his bedroom. This is the first time I've seen it, really seen it, since he moved in. It's very nice, sparsely decorated with just a few fine pieces of furniture. There's a neutral, relaxing color scheme of browns, blacks and khakis. I smile to see the black satin sheets on his bed. Nice.  
  
"You sure you don't mind me taking over? I can easily sleep on the couch." I tell him sincerely. I hate the thought of kicking him out of his own bedroom.  
  
His look says it all. "You are not sleeping on the couch and that is final." I smile gratefully at him and we silently unpack my things.  
  
Nancy and Craig got a lead on a possible donor match, but following up on it would require many long, exhausting trips out of state. It seemed silly for Brady to constantly be coming over to care for me so he suggested that I move in with him. My parents gratefully accepted, their faces reflecting the relief that they felt. They would be able to focus fully on their efforts without worrying about me. So here I am.  
  
I'm filled with an inner glee, a giddiness that I can't explain. I can't believe that I'm going to be living with Brady. In the same apartment, under the same roof with the man that I love with all my heart. It just feels so right, so perfect. Despite the less than ideal circumstances, I know this is where I belong. I know I've said it before, but there is such a feeling of peace here, of timelessness. Past and future fade away and there is just the present, this eternal moment.  
  
Brady is looking at me quizzically. I guess I've kind of spaced out for a moment. "Are you okay?" he asks, his rich voice tinged with concern.  
  
"I'm perfect." I respond dreamily. We've put all of my clothes away in his closet and dresser and my few personal items are neatly arranged on his nightstand.  
  
"Thank you." I tell him as he draws me in for a deep hug.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For everything." I answer simply. I'm too moved with emotion to say anything else. I don't know what I've done to deserve this unbelievable man. After everything that I have been through in my life, I never imagined that I could find a love like this. Despite my strongest efforts to hold them back, tears slip out of the corners of my eyes and run down my cheeks.  
  
"Hey, shhhh, don't cry. What's wrong?" he asks, his voice rising in fear and concern.  
  
I shake my head and try to express the depth of my feelings for this incredible man. My voice is weak and shaky. "I love you so much, Brady. I don't think I've ever let you know how important you are to me, how much I love you. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." I cry rambling words as tears flow fully.  
  
He gently cups my face and tenderly kisses the tears on my cheeks. "I know." He says simply and a weight falls from my shoulders. I should have known that he'd know how I feel. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.  
  
"I love you too." The simple statement reveals the thick emotion in his voice. He kisses my lips lightly and then he holds me for countless minutes until my storm of emotion passes.  
  
He looks at my face and I know he can see the exhaustion, the weariness in my eyes. "Hey, get some sleep. I want you well rested for our date tonight." He gives me that sexy grin of his and helps me into bed. I stretch fully in his comfy bed (did I mention the satin sheets?) and fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.  
  
What a beautiful view. I'm standing on an old stone terrace, overlooking rolling green hills bathed in early morning sunlight. To my right, I can see cobbled streets bustling with activity. Ancient buildings of European design are closely packed together and I wonder where I am.  
  
"Beautiful, isn't it?" I know that musical voice before I even turn around.  
  
"Isabella." I greet the shimmering, ethereal beauty before me. "Yes, it is. Where are we?"  
  
Her eyes are distant with happy memories as she looks out at the city full of life. "My home. I was born here. I died here." She adds wistfully, her glowing face displaying the most sadness I've seen yet.  
  
"We're in Italy?"  
  
"Yes." She answers again, dreamily. "This is Venice. When I got sick, John brought me here. I knew I couldn't leave this earth without coming here, one last time."  
  
Her eyes cleared and she looked at me thoughtfully. "I see you made your choice."  
  
"Yeah. I just hope it's the right one."  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
"I feel.at peace." I finally reply after a moment of soul searching.  
  
"Then you made the right choice." She smiled meaningfully at me. "This is such a wonderful place. Everyone should see it, just once, before they die." She once more began to fade. As she was disappearing, she smiled and pointed gracefully.  
  
"Look, Honeymooners!"  
  
And then she was gone.  
  
I wake up with a start. What a strange dream; yet already I feel important details slipping away like sand through my fingers. I can barely remember seeing Isabella again, and being in a beautiful place. Somewhere in Europe? Arrrgh! How frustrating; I know I'm missing something important, something vital.  
  
Oh well, it will come to me later. Suddenly, a breeze blows through the room. But all the windows are shut. That's odd. I glance over at Brady's dresser where the snow globe I got him sits. I chuckle wryly. It really is atrociously ugly. I had wanted to get one of Venice (why does that seem so familiar?) but instead they gave me this ugly one of Hollywood.  
  
I pick it up in my hands, marveling at the fact that Brady kept it. Not only that, but displays it proudly in his room. Just another indication of his love for me.  
  
I jump when the snow suddenly swirls in the globe of its own accord. The globe slips from my startled hands and crashes to the smooth hardwood floor below.  
  
Oh no! The amazingly hideous globe is now a hideous mess on the floor. I broke Brady's globe! Oh well, I'll go get him a new one. I carefully clean up the glass and water and head downstairs.  
  
I can't find Brady, but I finally see the note on the fridge. He's gone to get stuff for tonight. I likewise leave him a note and run to the gift store. I'm in luck; they have another one of the Hollywood globes. The nice clerk even gift-wraps it for me. And I make it back before Brady. I hide the globe in a dresser drawer and head back downstairs just as Brady enters arms laden.  
  
He sets everything down in the kitchen and kisses me as he wraps his arms around me. "Did you have a nice nap?"  
  
I nod happily.  
  
"Good." He replies with a wink. "You can help me set up for dinner." We get out plates and silverware, and he lights a few candles on the table creating a warm glow in the loft. Something smells good, and familiar..  
  
"Is that.?" I ask as I try to identify the aroma.  
  
He winks devilishly at me and tells me to sit at the table. I do, and soon he emerges from the kitchen carrying two covered trays. He removes the lids with a flourish and I laugh out loud at what is on my plate.  
  
"Pancakes!" I cry happily. I cannot tell you the last time I had our famous pancake dinner.  
  
"Yes. And these are whole-wheat pancakes, with whole fruit toppings, and of course.whipped cream! Enjoy! Caroline sends her love, by the way."  
  
"Brady, this is.amazing. Thank you. And thank Caroline for me when you see her." We give in to our intense hunger and eat with relish. Halfway through the meal we decide that food tastes better when someone else feeds it to you. Thus, Brady is currently hand feeding me a big gloppy bite of pancakes drenched in fruit, syrup and whipped cream.  
  
I laugh when Brady gets a dab of whip cream on my nose.  
  
"That's easily rectified." He remarks with a grin as he kisses my nose clean.  
  
The meal continues with more of the same as we take turns feeding each other. Sure, it's sloppy and messy, and more than a little of the fruit and cream wind up on our clothes, but it is still the best way to eat pancakes. As Brady gives me the last bite, I vow to never eat pancakes with a fork again.  
  
After cleaning up from supper, Brady turns to me with a smile. "Ready for our movie?" He makes the popcorn (because it isn't a movie without it) and we snuggle together on his couch. His arm is around me and I lay my head on his shoulder. This is the most perfectly sublime moment as I relax into his arms. I'd love to tell you what the movie is about, but unfortunately my heavy eyelids begin to close and I'm dead asleep before we are even 1/3 through. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Nineteen  
  
The first thing I'm aware of is the pounding of my head. I open my eyes and blink to clear the haze in my mind. I'm in Brady's bed - I guess he put me to bed when I fell asleep during the movie. A glance at his clock tells me I've only been out for a couple of hours. It's still early - just a little after nine, so I decide to see if Brady is still up.  
  
Whoa- stood up a little too quickly. Major head rush. I shakily make my way to the curved metal staircase. I'm not even halfway down the stairs when I stop cold at the sight before me. Oh my God. I'm paralyzed by the heartbreaking scene.  
  
Brady sits on the worn leather couch, his broad back to me. His shoulders are hunched and trembling and he cradles his head in his hands. He inhales quivering, jagged breaths and the realization hits me like a wall of ice water. He's crying. Brady is crying.  
  
My grandmother, my adoptive father's mother, died when I was eight. My dad was a rock through the whole sad ordeal. He was the shoulder others cried on and he took care of everything. But on the day that her body was finally laid to rest, the rock crumbled. My dad cried. The sight of my strong father bent over in his chair silently weeping is the most heart- rending thing I've ever seen. Until now.  
  
I watch my soul mate cry silent tears and my soul cries with him. I've never seen him cry. He's always been my rock, my anchor. Tears slide out of my eyes and guilt stabs my heart. I'm doing this to him, causing him this pain. He shudders as a deep sob racks his body and I bite my lips to stifle my answering cry. He clutches something in his hands and from time to time he looks at it causing his weeping to increase.  
  
I don't know how long it is that I stand there, crying with my love. I'm spell bound by his display of grief. Finally I hear a croaked whisper from his lips. A desperate plea from a broken man.  
  
"please God. don't let her die."  
  
His beautifully simple prayer causes a choking sob to erupt from deep within my throat. I can't take it any longer. I run over to him and throw myself into his arms. He crushes me in his arms and holds me tightly to him as he unleashes his pent-up sorrow into my neck. He cries openly now, small strangled moans escaping his lips. He pleads in my ear, reminding me of a lost little boy looking for his mom.  
  
"please don't leave me."  
  
I have refrained from making promises throughout my illness. In my sad lonely life many people have made promises to me, and many of them have been broken. I'm a realist. I know it is useless to make promises that you can't keep. But as the missing part of my soul cries in my arms, I respond the only way that I can.  
  
"I won't. I promise I will never leave you."  
  
And I won't. Not while I yet live. And not when I'm gone.  
  
"I will never leave you, Brady." We cry together, taking solace in each other's arms. We are both very strong, independent people. We've been so matter-of-fact through this trying time, always trying to prove how strong we are, that we haven't taken time to simply grieve. So now it all comes pouring out. Months of worry, despair, sadness, regret, and love unleashed with our cleansing tears.  
  
I don't know how long it is that we are holding each other. Our sobs gradually cease but we remain locked in each other's arms. Brady caresses my hair while I sniffle and hiccup, like a child after a good cry. My hiccups earn a smile on Brady's face, and I smile in return. I wipe the tears from his face and he responds in kind. I try a joke to lighten the mood.  
  
"The movie was that bad, huh?"  
  
Brady chuckles softly. He looks down at his hands and his smile grows sad. I now see what he's held so tightly in his fist. It's a white linen handkerchief. Dotted with bright red spots of blood. He simply stares at it distantly as he explains.  
  
"I was so afraid. You had fallen asleep, or at least I thought you had, and then blood began to gush out of your nose. I didn't know if you were asleep or unconscious. The blood finally stopped, but you were so still, I didn't know what to do. I was about to panic, but then I heard you snore and I was so relieved." Brady smiles, his relief clearly evident on his face.  
  
"I do not snore." I exclaim emphatically.  
  
"Oh I beg to differ. You were like a chainsaw HNNNNOOONGGH HNNNNNONNNNGH." We laugh at his imitation.  
  
"It was cute." He kisses my nose lightly. "I love you." His simple statement conveys more emotion than the most elaborate Shakespearean sonnets.  
  
"I know. I love you too." I smile at him. A happy idea springs to mind. "Hey, I got something for you!" I cry and I run upstairs to get the wrapped globe.  
  
I hand him the wrapped box. "I broke your snow globe, so I got you another one just like it." I explain as he unwraps the box. He pulls it out and looks at it, puzzlement written on his features.  
  
"Uh, Chloe." he shows me the globe and I want to laugh and cry with frustration. It's a snow globe depicting the beautiful city of Venice.  
  
"I can't believe it! They gave me the wrong globe. AGAIN!" I laugh at the irony.  
  
"Well, at least it's what you wanted to get me in the first place. It is very nice. Much better than that other one. Although after a while it did develop a sort of ugly charm."  
  
"That is so weird. They made the same mistake twice." I frown as a thought dances at the edge of my mind. There's something about Venice that I'm supposed to remember. I think it was something important. But try as I might, I come up with nothing.  
  
"So, shall we watch our movie now?" I ask my baby.  
  
"Oh, I already watched it. See, it's about this man, who meets this woman, and at the end they."  
  
"Ha ha. You're so funny."  
  
"I know. It's nice to know that if Basic Black doesn't work out, I can always fall back on my stand-up. Hey, I'm hungry." He comments as he rubs his cute tummy.  
  
"Hungry?! We ate like, three hours ago!"  
  
He gives me that guy-look. "Your point would be." I roll my eyes at his appetite. "I'm gonna order Chinese, you want any?"  
  
"I'm not very hungry, but I'll probably nibble off of whatever you get." I reply as I make myself comfy on the couch.  
  
Soon the food arrives (shrimp and veggies in garlic sauce. Yummy) and we snuggle together to watch the movie. Brady deftly maneuvers the sole pair of chopsticks and feeds me a giant, dripping piece of shrimp. The movie is wonderfully romantic and provides the much needed escape from the present. Brady polishes off the food with relish and hands me the fortune cookie.  
  
"Here. I believe this is for you."  
  
I open it with a silly grin on my face that disappears as I read the fortune.  
  
"You will find family where you least expect it" 


	20. Chapter Twenty

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
We ring the doorbell and I can hear her excited feet stomping through the penthouse. The door flies open to reveal a super-hyper Belle.  
  
"Chloe!" she squeals in notes not meant for human ears. She grabs my arm and enthusiastically pulls me into the penthouse.  
  
"Chloe, this is going to be so great! We are going to have so much fun! I've got so much planned. Come on, let's put your stuff away in my room!"  
  
She drags me up the stairs and Brady follows close behind lugging my suitcase and grumbling under his breath. "Why does she need so much stuff, she's only going to be here for one night! Mfngksfmdfjdfmmfmdf."  
  
He unceremoniously dumps the heavy suitcase on the floor by Belle's spare bed. Okay, so maybe I over did it with the packing, but I wanted to make sure I had everything I might need. It's been so long since I stayed over at Belle's. This is going to be just like old times! Wow, Belle's enthusiasm certainly is infectious.  
  
"This is going to be just like old times!" Belle squeals as she leads me downstairs.  
  
Brady stands nervously in the living room, resembling a father dropping his daughter off at her first slumber party.  
  
"Well, I guess I'm going to take off now. Now Chloe, remember not to overdo it. Take it easy. Don't go overboard with the junk food and don't stay up too late. Call me if you start to feel ill, okay Chloe?" he asks so seriously.  
  
"Yes, Mommy." I nod dutifully, a playful smirk plastered on my face.  
  
His face breaks into that devilish grin of his. "Mommy, huh? Does your mommy do this?" and leaning forward he captures my lips with his own.  
  
I close my eyes as the sensation of his kiss floats over me. MMMM I moan deeply, loving the feel of his soft lips on mine. His arms encircle my waist, pulling me forward to press against his hard body. I melt against him, lost to the sensation. His tongue presses through my lips to begin a sensual probe of my mouth.  
  
I am suddenly aware of an impatient presence behind me.  
  
"You know, as much as I love watching my brother and my best friend suck face; Chloe and I have a lot to do and little time to do it in. So Brady, time for you to go!"  
  
I shyly break our kiss. Brady's smiling down at me, his blue eyes laughing. "You girls have fun."  
  
"Whatever are you going to do with me gone?" I ask, teasing.  
  
"Well, I'll probably sleep a lot - it will be nice to have my bed to myself again." He grins at me as I stick my tongue out at him. "But of course that comes after the party."  
  
"Party?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm having some stewardess friends of mine over for a wild, drunken orgy. You know, Bambi, Tiffany, Jessica, Stephanie."  
  
I roll my eyes at his obvious joke. "Ha ha!" I reply drolly. "Okay, out with you. Us girls have work to do!"  
  
Twenty minutes later, Belle and I are sitting on her bed, dressed in our jammies with green goop on our faces. Despite Brady's orders, we've already cracked open a bag of chunky chocolate chip cookies. Belle is currently painting my nails a hideous shade that can only be called "puke pink".  
  
"So anyway, I decided to spend fall semester at Salem U, maybe the spring semester too. Depends on how things go." She says as she lays a shiny coat of gloss on my nails.  
  
"How things go.you mean, with me?" I question.  
  
"Well, yeah. I just hated the idea of being away at Columbia when you're here fighting for your life. You're my best friend, Chloe, and I don't want to miss any of this time with you. Especially since." she trails off and bites her lips, not wanting to voice what I know she's thinking.  
  
"Especially since, I might die." I finish quietly. "It's okay to say it, Belle. I've gotten used to the possibility. Anyway, I don't want you to put your life on hold for me. Columbia has been your dream since before I knew you." I say earnestly. I love that she's going to be nearby, but not at the cost of her happiness.  
  
"Hey, Columbia can wait! I'm talking one semester, maybe two. I still will have three years to spend at Columbia. I'll go to Columbia when you go to Julliard. NY just won't be the same without you! Anyway, enough of this talk about futures and dying! This is supposed to be a party!" she says with a jubilant laugh that fails to hide the fearful sadness in her eyes.  
  
"Okay, so our nails are done and we've finished our facials. What's next on the agenda, o master planner?"  
  
"Junk food and cheesy sci-fi movies!" Belle exclaims as we make our way downstairs.  
  
So now we're sitting cross-legged on the floor of the living room with a big bowl of popcorn and two bowls of mocha chip ice cream. With fudge, and cookies. It's a good thing I've been eating so healthy lately, because this definitely isn't good for me. I watch in dumbfounded amazement as Belle takes a handful of popcorn and dumps it on her ice cream. And eats it! Now, I know where Brady's bizarre eating habits come from. It runs in the family.  
  
We found this horribly bad black and white sci-fi flick on TV. It's really bad, like the worst of the worst. So of course we make fun of it. This particular gem features ALIENS FROM MARS!  
  
We watch as this toy spaceship sets down amid smoke and weird lightning. The door of the ship slowly slides open and these tall beings step out of the ship. Belle cracks up in laughter.  
  
"Ooh, nice ensemble. Why is it that in all these movies the aliens are always wearing those tacky silvery spandex outfits? Geez, do they not have stores on Mars?"  
  
I crack up at her expressions. "I know! It's like, 'hey is that genuine candy bar wrapper, or just a cheap imitation?' And the spaceship! I could build a better looking ship with spit and duct tape!"  
  
So the movie continues like this. I'd tell you the plot, if it had one. So now Belle and I are engaged in a major girl-talk session.  
  
"Your birthday's coming up. Given any thought to your party?" she asks as we lie together on her bed.  
  
I make a face; parties aren't really my thing, especially when they're about me. I just always feel so awkward. And it will be even worse now that I'm sick. An evening stuck in a room with a bunch of people feeling sorry for me? No thank you. But how to tell Belle that with out hurting her feelings?  
  
"I don't really want a party, don't make such a big deal out of it."  
  
"Yeah right. Come on, Chloe, it's your 18th birthday! Rite of passage and all that. Of course you're having a party. We'll keep it small. Tasteful." She says while rolling her blue eyes.  
  
I laugh and reluctantly agreed. "Okay. But keep it small!"  
  
Somehow, I don't know how, our conversation turns to sex. It's so cute, there's a hint of pink blush on Belle's cheeks. I don't know why, she's the one who brought it up.  
  
"I've been thinking, and I think I'm ready to.make love to Shawn."  
  
"Really? Wow, that's a big step. Are you sure? It wasn't that long ago that the two of you had split over the whole Jan thing."  
  
"I know, but Shawn was innocent in the whole mess. He never had sex with her, and he never fathered her baby."  
  
"Yeah, but he still lied to you, knowing it would break your heart. He basically chose helping Jan over being with you. Look, I love Shawn and I can't tell you how happy I am that you're back together, but don't rush things just because you feel the need to prove something."  
  
"How do you mean?" she asks.  
  
"Well, it just seems to me that this isn't so much about expressing your love for Shawn, but about being afraid of going to college. You've already been split up once, I think you're afraid that once you start going to different classes and hanging with different people, that he's going to start to notice other girls. Maybe you think that if you have sex with him, that you'll be able to hold on to him. Just my thought, anyway."  
  
Belle frowns as she ponders my words. "What about you? Not that I want to hear about my brother's sex life, but have you ever thought about it?"  
  
Now it's my turn to blush. "Uh, yeah! Especially since we're living together in such close quarters - of course I think about it! Lord, every time that man gets out of the shower, and he's dripping wet, with nothing but a little, itsy bitsy towel around his."  
  
"STOP!" Belle screams. "I'm getting a visual here, and it aint pretty!"  
  
"Sorry. But anyway, such activities are way out of the question while I'm sick. As it is we push it every time we." I trail off in search of a suitable expression.  
  
"Swap spit?" she finishes for me with a wide grin on her face.  
  
"Yes. Thank you. What a wonderfully crude way to put it." I reply dryly.  
  
Our conversation soon turns to other subjects, and as we laugh and talk together, I look back on our friendship. I remember our first meeting. I never would have pictured us as friends, let alone best friends. We are so totally different from each other, that sometimes we do have a hard time understanding where the other is coming from. I know that she can't really understand my realistic (okay, cynical) outlook on life. Likewise, I don't get how someone can live in this world and still be so genuinely positive (not to mention constantly perky). It's just different upbringings, I guess.  
  
But one thing's for sure, despite what the future holds, I wouldn't have traded one moment of our time together, not for all the time in the world. 


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-One  
  
"Brrrrr. It's cold in here." My breath is a frozen cloud in front of my pink face.  
  
"See that thing you're standing on? It's called ice. Ice is cold. If it weren't cold in here than we wouldn't be ice-skating, we'd be water skating. Which is also fun, but not why we're here." Brady jokes and I chime in with a sarcastic "ha ha" and a dramatic roll of my eyes.  
  
Brady and I are standing in a large, dimly lit skating rink. I look around and the first thing I notice is.  
  
"Where is everyone? We're the only ones here."  
  
"That's because this rink isn't open this time of year. But the owner decided to make an exception for us. That is, after I introduced him to a Mr. Andrew Jackson." Brady replies with mock suaveness, waggling his eyebrows for effect.  
  
"So I guess it's just the two of us?" I ask slyly.  
  
"Just the two of us." He replies as he pulls me closely to him for another one of our earthshaking, time stopping, universe ending, soul searing, breath stealing kisses. We're pretty much throwing caution to the wind these days with our intense, passionate kisses. I know that due to my weakened immunity I shouldn't even be touching him, let alone be kissing him like this. But I no longer care.  
  
It has been weeks, months since I left the hospital, and I am no closer to a cure now than before. The lead that Nancy and Craig left town to track down came up empty. Yet they are still out there, roaming the country in their search for a bone marrow donor. Meanwhile, I grow weaker by the day, and spend much of my time sleeping, just trying to conserve my energy for moments like this, when Brady and I are together enjoying life and each other. While we can.  
  
There's been such an undercurrent of sadness in our relationship lately, despite our strongest efforts to keep our spirits up. The continual disappointments in the search for a donor have eaten away most of our hope. Even our best moments are bittersweet, because in the back of our minds we're always aware of the passing of time, that brings me ever closer to the end.  
  
There's sadness even in our tender kiss right now. Sadness and regret. Regret that I'm going to die soon, and there's so much left to be explored in our relationship, so much that I want to do, and experience. I can't stand knowing that I'm going to die without fully expressing my love to the man who holds my heart. Dammit! It's just not fair.  
  
I can't tell you how scared I am. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared that so much that I wanted to accomplish in my life will remain undone; dreams unfulfilled. Mostly I'm scared of what this is doing to Brady. I can see the heartbreak in his eyes, the despair in his posture when he doesn't know I'm watching. I need him now more than ever, but how can I ask him to stay with me through this, knowing that this will end in my death?  
  
I close my eyes in sweet surrender to the moment and vow to just enjoy his presence as much as I can.  
  
"mmmm" Brady mumbles as he breaks off his sweet kiss. "Now isn't this better than roller skating? Right now we'd be mobbed by a giggling sea of pre-pubescent girls and dancing to Britney Spears." He shudders violently. "Speaking of which, may I have this dance?" he asks as he bows deeply at the waist.  
  
"But there's no music." I point out.  
  
"Like we've ever needed music." He grins as he takes my hand and pulls me out into the middle of the large rink. The soft, muted lights twinkle like shimmering stars around us and as we skate together, wrapped in each other's arms, I hear his voice, softly singing. I hear his rich voice in my ear and it's like he's reading my mind, knowing just the song to sing.  
  
No more talk of darkness Forget these wide-eyed fears I'm here; nothing can harm you My words will warm and calm you  
  
His beautifully sad voice speaks directly to my soul, and a peace like I've never known washes over me. I should have known that he knew what I was feeling, what I was thinking. He's the missing half of my soul  
  
Let me be your freedom Let daylight dry your tears I'm here with you beside you To guard you and to guide you  
  
I respond automatically, my heartfelt emotions carrying my voice to the heavens. I've never sung like this, not even on my best day. I know the words, and I sing them directly to his soul, and thus our hearts commune  
  
Say you'll love me every waking moment Turn my head with talk of summertime Say you'll need me with you now and always Promise me that all you say is true That's all I ask of you  
  
He answers, telling me of his promise to remain with me through my illness, come what may. My fears vanish. I am safe  
  
Let me be your shelter Let me be your light You're safe; no one will find you Your fears are far behind you  
  
I reply, telling him of my dreams, all that I yearn for, all that I want to do  
  
All I want is freedom A world with no more night And you always beside me To hold me and to hide me  
  
His voice soars as he sings of his vow to me, a vow to honor and cherish me.  
  
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime Let me lead you from your solitude Say you'll need me with you here beside you Anywhere you go let me go too Chloe, that's all I ask of you  
  
I reply with a vow and a heartfelt plea of my own. Tell me you love me, Brady  
  
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime Say the word and I will follow you Share each day with me, each night, each morning Say you love me  
  
His voice cracks slightly with powerful emotion You know I do  
  
We finish together, standing still, our hands joined, fingers interlaced, as our hearts and souls are now laced together for all eternity  
  
Love me, that's all I ask of you Anywhere you go let me go too Love me, that's all I ask of you  
  
We finish our symbolic ceremony with a long, loving kiss. We are now one.  
  
Til death do us part. 


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Two  
  
Brady unlocks the door to his parents' penthouse apartment, making WAY more noise than necessary. I roll my eyes as I hear the muffled scurrying sounds behind the door. As he opens the door of the darkened apartment, I plaster a fake smile on my face and prepare to be "surprised".  
  
"That's funny." Brady says loudly and mechanically (he's such a bad actor) "Dad and Marlena asked us to meet them here for dinner, yet there's no one here!"  
  
He looks at me expectantly. I sigh deeply and recite my line. "Gee. I wonder where they could be."  
  
No sooner are the words out of my mouth than a horde of people jump out of various hiding places around the room all screaming out, "SURPRISE!" The lights come on and I can see the crowd of people who have gathered together to celebrate my birthday.  
  
I gasp loudly and place my hand on my chest. "Oh my goodness!" I exclaim loudly. Okay, so I'll never win any Academy awards either. Everyone gathers around to greet me and I'm genuinely astonished by the number of people who are here. It seems like half the town turned out to wish me well today. Of course Craig and Nancy are here, as well as Brady's family and Shawn's family, and many more. I laugh to myself as Brady notices Sami's presence with a deep groan of dislike.  
  
After greeting and thanking everyone I quickly pull Belle over to the side.  
  
"Belle! I thought I told you to keep it small." I grit through my clenched teeth.  
  
"This is small." She replies innocently. I sigh deeply and chuckle wryly. Somehow I knew that it would turn out like this. Oh well, no choice but to try and enjoy my party.  
  
I really am touched by the people here. Many of them I haven't seen in months. Caroline Brady and Maggie Horton have prepared a wonderful spread of appetizers and party food. Despite myself, I begin to relax. I hate being the center of attention, but everyone here is so warm and friendly, that I really don't mind. And Brady's reassuring presence makes it all easier to bear.  
  
There's a champagne (and grape juice) toast. Nancy stands to give a small speech. She smiles brightly at me and I can see the tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"My dearest Chloe Michele. You know, when I was pregnant with you, you used to keep me up at all hours of the night kicking, and tossing. And I would lie in bed, feeling you move around, and I would imagine what you would be like. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep you, so instead I tried to envision your life. I imagined what you would look like as a baby and as a small child. I imagined that you would be a lot like me; stubborn, passionate, energetic. I could see you running around and playing. I imagined the kind of things that you would like to do. I imagined this day, your 18th birthday, and the woman you would be. And now, that I am faced with the reality, I have to say that this has surpassed all my dreams, for I have been blessed to be able to share this wonderful day with you. I see the woman that you have become and it is beyond all that I ever hoped for you."  
  
She smiles again at me, tears now streaming down her cheeks. I must admit that tears have fallen from my eyes as well. She wipes the tears from my face as she continues. "I wasn't there for most of your life, Chloe. But I thank God that I have been able to share these last years with you. I look forward to sharing many more with you." She finishes quietly.  
  
I propel myself into my mother's arms. I've been so hard on her, so angry with her for so long; we've only recently become close. But now, today, I'm filled with such love and gratitude for the woman who gave birth to me. I laugh when Craig joins in on our hug. I'm so happy to have family like this, crazy as they are. We break up our hug as we all toast to my birthday and to many more.  
  
"Okay, I think we better have the cake before we all start crying!" Maggie exclaims, creating a soft chuckle in the room. Despite everyone's best attempts to keep the party light, there is an undercurrent of sadness, and tension here. We can't forget the future.  
  
John cuts off the lights and Caroline emerges from the kitchen with a gorgeous cake. I smile to learn that it's a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, my absolute favorite. There are nineteen flickering candles on top. One to grow on - as Brady says. I take a deeeeep breath and just manage to blow them all out.  
  
My momentary feeling of triumph though is squashed when the candles flame back up again. I roll my eyes and throw a glare at Brady. He laughs and extinguishes the trick candles.  
  
"Sorry. Couldn't resist." He explains sheepishly. I forgive him though, with a chaste peck on the cheek. The cake is sooooo good, made even better by the fact that I haven't had anything like it for soooo long. There is very little talking; everyone is too engrossed in the fabulous cake.  
  
Nancy speaks up after the cake's been put away. At this point we're all just sitting around on furniture in the penthouse living room. We are all, including myself, totally relaxed and enjoying each other's company. Nancy smiles at me and laughs.  
  
"It's funny; usually birthday parties usually lead to us ahem older people reminiscing about what life was like 'when I was your age'. But we decided to do something a little different, for you Chloe. So it is our great pleasure, on this great day to present for you,  
  
'When You are Our Age'." She finishes with a grand flourish like an announcer introducing a play. I am quite puzzled and a little intrigued. What is she talking about? I am even more puzzled when Brady stands up from his seated position beside me. He smiles warmly at me and gazes deep into my eyes. His eyes are laughing as he begins his part like a master storyteller.  
  
"Chloe, When You are My Age, you will be twenty-one and beginning your senior year at Julliard. You are already the star of the school and have had many successes with various student productions. You've learned much more about music than you ever thought possible and as your graduation approaches, you feel free, like your future is wide open before you." I listen to his heartfelt speech with wonder, for I know that he really believes what he is saying. He smiles and I can detect a faint blush on his cheeks as he continues.  
  
"You are also very deeply in love with a very lucky man who loves you more than you could ever know. And as you look toward your bright future, your mind also turns to thoughts of marriage. But as good as your life is, the best is yet to come." He finishes with a wink as he resumes his seat beside me.  
  
I'm filled with wonder, but before I can respond I see Sami Brady stand up with an expression of mild annoyance on her face. She turns to me and gifts me with a sincere smile.  
  
"Chloe, When You are My Age, you will be twenty-six, and a rising star, having already performed in numerous off-Broadway plays. You've even had a supporting role with a traveling opera company, and are currently auditioning for a Broadway musical." She shoots a sly wink at Brady and continues.  
  
"You will be married, although you can do much better than Brady, (there is soft laughter in the room from her jibe at Brady), and you will have just given birth to a precious little boy." Her blue eyes grow wistful. "You'll hold that sweet little boy in your arms - we can only pray that he'll take after you - and you will have bigger dreams than you've ever dreamed before. For they won't be dreams of your life, and your future, but of his. And as you hold that sleeping babe in your arms, you will feel such peace, and happiness, for your future and your child's lay wide open before you. But as wonderful as your life is, the best is yet to come."  
  
Tears are beginning to form in my eyes. This is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever done for me. It is just so beautiful. Jennifer Horton stands up next and gazes sweetly at me.  
  
"Chloe, When You are My Age, you will be. in your early thirties (more laughter) and now have a very successful career in opera. You will have performed in Venice and Paris, and had starring roles in New York. But you are not yet a household name, not yet the Diva you aspire to be. Your little boy won't be so little, and you wonder where the time has gone, as you get him ready for his first day of school. You watch him grow in awe; he's already developing his own personality, becoming his own little person. Yet you smile to see how much of you and Brady are in that little boy. As he begins school, you think about his future, and you dream of him growing, and wonder what kind of person will he be. Will you be able to shape him and guide him to the proper path? But you are comforted by knowing that the love that you and Brady share will overcome all obstacles and will be a light to others, including your son. It's a wonderful, blissful time. But the best is yet to come."  
  
I have given up trying to fight the tears that are falling down my face. Brady gently squeezes my hand and I smile back at him, moved beyond words. Hope stands up and shines that warm smile of hers.  
  
"Chloe, When You are My Age, you will be mumble mumble, and your career has reached untold heights. You have forever changed the world of opera, given it new spirit and new life for a new generation. You are an international success with homes in both New York and Paris. And you share your wonderful successes with your loving husband and are amazed to find that every day you love him more than the day before. Your little boy is now a foot taller than you and preparing to go off to college. As you send him off into the world, you find yourself wondering did you raise him well, did you teach him all that he needs to know? But you see the man that he has become, and you know that no two people could have done any better. But as great as your life is, the best is yet to come."  
  
Hope sits down beside her husband who gives her a tender kiss on the lips. I smile to see the love they share. I wonder if Brady and I could ever be like that. I look over to where Caroline is standing to her feet. She looks at me in that wonderful, grandmotherly way.  
  
"Chloe, When You are My Age, you will have long ago stopped telling anyone your age (chuckles in the room) and as huge a success as your opera career has been, you get more satisfaction and contentment from your current role as a teacher at the Julliard school, teaching young hopefuls like you once were. You are also a proud grandmother of beautiful grandbabies. And you never pass up the chance to show them off to complete strangers. Now you see your grandchildren's future before you and as wonderful as this time is, the best is yet to come."  
  
Caroline finishes and walks over to where Mrs. H is sitting in a chair and gently helps Alice to her feet. Alice looks at me with such deep wisdom in her twinkling eyes.  
  
"Chloe my dear, When You are My Age, you will finally be experiencing your best years. You will have finally retired and now enjoy traveling around the world with your ever adoring husband at your side. Yet no matter where you go, you are happiest when you are at home, surrounded by your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. You see them, three generations before you and you feel such immense pride, not in yourself, but in your family. You see the people that they have become and you are filled with wonder. And everyday is more wonderful than the last. These are your best years."  
  
She sits back down and everyone breaks out in applause. Tears can be seen on many faces in the room, especially my own. I don't even know how to thank everyone for this beautiful gift, and I say as much. So I am even more astonished to learn that everyone has contributed to a fund in my name to benefit the Leukemia Foundation. I'm so moved I can hardly speak. How do I express gratitude for such an amazing gift by people who I barely know?  
  
Nancy tries to lighten the mood by announcing it's time for me to open the rest of the presents. Shawn gives me a wrapped present and I can tell by the size that it's a CD.  
  
"A while back I was thinking about when we first met and I remembered my birthday party. You opened yourself up to us that night, when you sang, and that's when I knew how amazingly special you are. So anyway, I got you this as a little reminder."  
  
I unwrap it and smile. It's the same classical CD that I had gotten him on his birthday.  
  
"Please tell me you don't already have it. You can exchange it." He begins nervously.  
  
"No, it's great. I've always wanted it, just never got around to buying it." I reassure him.  
  
"Me next!" Belle squeals excitedly as I hug Shawn in thanks. She shoves an oddly wrapped gift into my hands and tells me to unwrap it.  
  
"Belle, this is.?" I'm holding a teddy bear that looks a lot like the one Brady got for her when she was in her coma.  
  
"Yes, it's my bear. And before you go getting all excited, I have to tell you; it's just a loan. Chloe, I cannot wait until we're living together in New York. You'll be going to Julliard and I will be at Columbia and we'll have this fantastic loft and we'll be the best roommates. So until that time, I want you to keep my bear and think about our bright futures and how much fun we'll have!"  
  
"Belle, thank you so much. This is so wonderful!" I exclaim as we hug.  
  
"Remember, he's just a loan. You'll take good care of him, won't you?" She asks nervously, and I laugh in response.  
  
"You'll get him back, good as new. I promise."  
  
Nancy hands me a wrapped gift. "Open this one, sweetie." I carefully remove the beautiful purple paper and stare in awe at a thick book with an aged leather cover. "It's my journal, from when I was your age. Some of the worst things to ever happen to me are chronicled in that book. And some of the best things too." She adds with a smile. "The last half is blank. I stopped writing after I gave you away. I want you to have it, and continue the story of your life, and your future."  
  
I am speechless. I thumb through the book and I gaze in wonder at her handwriting. These are her words, her thoughts, her emotions; parts of her that I've never seen before. And she's giving it to me.  
  
"Thanks.Mom." I reply simply, tears once again forming in my eyes. We hug deeply, but before we can begin crying again, Craig hands me a clumsily wrapped gift.  
  
"Let me guess. You wrapped this?" I tease as I tear into the paper. I gasp in wonder to uncover a beautiful metronome crafted from mahogany wood with gold accents.  
  
"It's beautiful." I breathe out.  
  
"I'm glad you like it sweetheart. It took me a long time to find it. You girls are so hard to buy for! I figured you will need it at Julliard." He explains.  
  
I wind it up and watch the arm swing back and forth accompanied by steady clicking. I stand there listening to the metronome keep the beat and suddenly I am reminded of a clock ticking off the seconds. Tick tick tick. Reminding me of passing time.  
  
I quickly turn it off and set it down on a coffee table. I can feel that the blood has drained from my face and Brady is looking at me with concern shining in his blue eyes. I smile hesitantly and shake away his fears.  
  
"Thank you, Dad. It's beautiful." I smile brightly at Craig and try to put aside my darker thoughts.  
  
There isn't a gift from Brady. But that's okay. What do I need from him that he hasn't already given me? He is the best present of all. We say our goodbyes and my thank-yous and leave the penthouse. In the elevator he pulls me in for a close hug and a deep kiss and I am filled with utter contentment. I shiver slightly when he whispers lowly in my ear.  
  
"Happy Birthday." 


	23. Chapter TwentyThree

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Three  
  
Later, the two of us are standing in the living room of the loft. Brady catches me yawning and chuckles.  
  
"Why don't you go take a nap? I'll wake you up for dinner."  
  
I'm exhausted so I readily agree. My sleep is plagued by dreams of haunting clocks and swinging pendulums. There is a terrifying ticking that grows ever louder and I run from the noise but it follows me still. I run through a complex maze, always trying to flee the sound but there is no escape. I look behind me as I run and so I don't see the rock in front of me. I trip and fall into a deep hole. I struggle madly to get out but people are pouring dirt on me. Brady weeps as he shovels another clump of dirt into my grave.  
  
"Brady! Brady, it's me! I'm alive!" I cry out but it's useless. And then the dirt fills my mouth and I can't scream anymore. Soon I am completely buried and there is only thick blackness.  
  
I awake in a cold sweat and bolt upright in Brady's bed. I try to chase away the nightmare images but they are still there, floating in front of my eyes. Oh God, what a horrible dream. I sit for a few minutes, just shaking as I try to compose myself. Come on Chloe, pull yourself together. Gotta put a brave face on for Brady. Don't worry about the future; just enjoy what's left of your birthday.  
  
Beautiful music floats up from downstairs. Sounds like.Beethoven! What is Brady up to? I slowly descend the spiral stairs and gasp in wonder. The entire loft is lit up with candles, casting a warm glow on everything. Brady has rearranged the furniture so there is a wide-open space in the middle of the apartment. There is a soft blanket spread on the floor in one section and there's a bottle of champagne chilling in ice.  
  
I'm still gazing around in wonder at the beauty of the loft when Brady comes toward me. My breath catches in my throat. Oh Lord, he is so amazingly gorgeous! He's dressed up in a dark suit but without a tie so his dress shirt gapes open at the neck.  
  
"Brady, it's.amazing." I breathe, trying to find the words to describe how I feel at this moment. "What is this?"  
  
He smiles sheepishly. "I didn't want to give you my present in front of everyone at the party. It's kind of a private thing." I'm feeling very intrigued and I wonder curiously what the present is.  
  
He pulls me into a close hug and whispers in my ear. "Happy Birthday." He pulls back and I see that old devilish gleam in his blue eyes. "May I have this dance?"  
  
He hugs my body closely to his as we dance slowly. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes in bliss. My earlier fears and nightmare images have completely left my mind and there is only this one beautiful moment for us.  
  
He tightens his arms around my waist and I am wrapped up in his warmth. I'm aware of every little touch, the way his hand is rubbing circles in the small of my back. His moist breath is warm on my neck, and I can tell he's smelling my hair. I move my hand up to wrap around the back of his neck. I love how the edges of his hair curl softly there, and it is so soft and fine, like baby hair. His breath hitches slightly when I twirl his hair around my fingers.  
  
"Do you like that?" I laugh  
  
"Mmmmm" is his only reply. He responds with a light kiss on my temple, that becomes a nibble on my ear lobe. I close my eyes as his lips dance along my cheek toward my lips. His lips land on mine and I am again reminded how soft they are. He teases me with feather light, barely there kisses and I nearly fall against him for support.  
  
"Hmmmm, maybe we should continue this on the floor." He suggests dreamily and I nod weakly, unable to form a coherent enough thought to answer. We slowly drop, still entwined in each other's arms, onto the blanket. I'm now sitting between his legs and we continue our sweet kiss.  
  
Suddenly though he breaks off his kiss and before I can even wonder why he surprises me by popping a fat strawberry in my mouth.  
  
"Mmmf. Brady!" I exclaim in surprise as the dark red juice runs down my chin.  
  
"Here I got that." He says and kisses mouth and chin clean. I now see the bowl of fat, ripe strawberries beside the champagne. He reaches for the bottle. "Can't have strawberries without champagne." He remarks as he pours two glasses. He laughs and shows me the label. Sparkling white grape juice.  
  
"I kinda wish it was the real thing though. I could use the courage." He jokes nervously.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"To give you this." He answers as he hands me a large, beautifully wrapped box. I smile in delight as I tear into the wrapping.  
  
"Hey! I spent hours wrapping that!" He cries indignantly.  
  
"Oh you did not. Marlena wrapped this." I reply as the paper now lies in a large crumpled heap on the floor.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
I give him a quick peck on the cheek. "No offense Brady, but you wrap like a guy."  
  
He mumbles an incoherent reply as he huffs sullenly. "Just open the present." He says with a grin.  
  
I finally get the box open and inside, buried under heaps of brightly colored tissue paper is. a smaller box, also wrapped. I roll my eyes at his joke and rip the paper off of the box. I gasp in amazement. Under the paper is a small velvet jewelry box, just the right size for a ring. My heart freezes in recognition. Surely this isn't what I think it is.  
  
I very slowly open the case and my breath catches in my throat. Inside is an elegant diamond set in a band of wrought silver. The ring looks old, antique. It is perfect, neither too small nor too large. I take the ring out of the box and watch the way the stone catches the light and throws it back in a sparkling rainbow. Minutes pass before I am able to speak.  
  
"Brady, is this.?" I'm unable to even form the words.  
  
"Yeah, it is. Chloe, will you marry me?" he asks softly, his voice wavering slightly with the words.  
  
His question rings in my head and I'm suddenly filled with intense sadness. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes and it's absurd. This should be the happiest moment of my life, so why do I feel so sad? I love Brady like I never thought I could love anyone, so why.?  
  
He catches the tears that fall down my cheek with a gentle finger. "Please tell me these are happy tears." He pleads with a nervous laugh.  
  
Lord, I can't speak; my throat feels so choked from holding back the urge to weep.  
  
"Chloe, what's wrong? Do you.not want to.marry me?" he asks haltingly, his voice thick with sad apprehension.  
  
I try to tell him what I'm feeling. "I don't know how to answer Brady." I reply suddenly. "Is this because?.You only want to marry me because you think I'm dying!" I blurt out, suddenly releasing my hidden fears. This is all because he thinks I don't have much time left. My dream flashes before my vision and that damn metronome ticks constantly, counting the fleeting seconds of my life.  
  
Brady gently grips my chin and lifts my face so I'm forced to look in his eyes. Understanding, sadness and love swirl in his blue depths. He smiles sadly and cups my face in his large, comforting hands. His thumbs wipe away my tears.  
  
"If we had all the time in the world, I would still want to spend every moment of it with you, by your side, loving you. (sighs) Chloe, I don't know what the future holds. Tomorrow isn't promised to you. Hell, it isn't promised to me. All that is promised us is this one moment, and I don't want to go another moment without showing you how much I love you." Liquid pools in his eyes and he blinks rapidly. He clears his throat and continues, his voice thick with the sadness he feels.  
  
"Chloe, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But, if that's not possible, if.if I can't have that, then.will you let me share the rest of your life with you? Will you let me love you, while there's still time?" He asks and tears run freely down his face. I cup his face in my hands and nod weakly.  
  
"Yes, Brady. I will." I cry tears of joy and pain and we hug each other fiercely, once again releasing our pent-up fears in each other's arms. Minutes pass and then slowly our lips find their way to each other and unite in a powerful kiss unlike any we've ever experienced. It's sad, at first, but then grows in love and joy.  
  
"I love you." He whispers softly in my ear.  
  
"I love you too." I whisper back as peace and happiness wash over me. And then suddenly it hits me.  
  
"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" I shout with utter glee. He laughs and tackles me. We kiss passionately as we roll to the floor.  
  
He nuzzles my neck, causing me to giggle. His voice rasps in my ear, thick with passion. "So how soon can I make you mine?" he asks between teasing kisses. "I want to wait until we're married, but I can't wait long." He replies huskily.  
  
I close my eyes dreamily. "I'd love to marry you tonight, but Nancy will kill me if I don't give her at least two weeks to plan it."  
  
"I'll give you five days." He says as he sucks on that spot on my neck, just behind the ear.  
  
All rational thought has left my mind. "Okay." 


	24. Chapter TwentyFour

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Four  
  
"Do you need anything, Chloe? Some water or maybe something to eat? I can bring up a fruit salad if you like. Or some soup? Or maybe some herbal tea?"  
  
"Mom! I'm fine."  
  
"Well, okay sweetie. Well, I'll let you get settled in. Let me know if you need anything."  
  
"I will."  
  
I smile at her retreating back. Same old Nancy. It's almost like nothing's changed.  
  
My eyes wander aimlessly around my bedroom. It certainly hasn't changed. Everything is just where I left it. Before I moved into Brady's loft. How long ago was that?  
  
My gaze drops to my hand and the sparkling diamond that rests on my finger. I keep staring at my ring, mainly to reassure myself of its presence. That last night really did happen. Brady really asked me to marry him. It wasn't a dream.  
  
We broke the news to our families this morning. Poor Nancy nearly fell out of her chair from shock. I think at first she was a little upset that I was getting married so young - but she quickly came around. I think she understands the reasons why we don't want to wait. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes when she congratulated me.  
  
Belle was immediately ecstatic. She squealed and jumped up and down. She then threw her arms around me in a crushing hug.  
  
"I can't believe it!" she cried. "We're gonna be sisters!"  
  
Of course John couldn't wait to begin ribbing his son.  
  
"You know." he began loudly as he threw his arm around Brady's shoulders, "I seem to remember a time, not so long ago when you used to loudly and emphatically deny any kind of romantic interest in Miss Chloe Lane. She was just Belle's friend, a kid, a - what was the word you used? Teeny- bopper?" John asked with a grin as Brady blushed.  
  
"Teeny-bopper?!" I laughed out loud. "I'm sorry but what self respecting twenty-one year old guy uses the word "teeny-bopper"? What - were you born in the fifties?"  
  
Belle and Nancy agreed to help plan the wedding (not that I had to twist their arms or anything); they couldn't wait to begin planning.  
  
Until I mentioned that they had five days to do it in.  
  
"FIVE DAYS?!" they cried in unison as the others in the room chuckled softly.  
  
"Well, now it's four and ½." I corrected sheepishly.  
  
"Four and ½ days?! You expect us to plan a wedding in four and ½ days?!"  
  
They did finally calm down but only because I agreed to "get started right away." After the initial burst of excitement came the obligatory oohing and aahing of the ring, which I proudly displayed. I noticed a wistful expression creep into John's eyes. He gifted me with a sad smile as he tenderly kissed my cheek.  
  
"It looks as lovely on you as it did on Isabella." He commented softly.  
  
I was floored by his comment and looked at Brady in surprise.  
  
"Sorry, I kinda forgot to tell you in the excitement of the moment. This ring was my mom's."  
  
Wow. It's funny how everything seems to come back to her. I look at the beautiful ring on my finger with a sense of wonder. Apparently Brady had discovered the ring a few days ago when he was going through a box of mementos from his childhood. How it got there, no one knows - John was positive that he had placed the valuable ring in a safety deposit box.  
  
It's amazing. This ring was a symbol of their love, the same love that created Brady, the man I love more than life and now it will be a symbol of our love. I quickly brush away the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes. Belle will be here soon; there's already going to be plenty of crying as we plan my wedding. No need for me to start now.  
  
I look around my bedroom and roll my eyes. I wish I was back at Brady's - that's where I belong - where I feel at home. After breaking the news to our families this morning, Brady and I had turned to leave when Nancy gifted me with her best mother-hen expression.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" She asked, her voice rising with maternal shrillness.  
  
"Um, I'm going back to Brady's loft." I answered simply, not understanding what her problem was.  
  
"Oh no you're not, young lady. I will not have the two of you living under the same roof before the wedding. It isn't proper."  
  
"It was "proper" just yesterday." I reminded her with a smile.  
  
Nancy stammered momentarily. "Well,.it's.it's.bad luck!" she cried. "Yes! Bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. So you're coming home with me. And that's where you'll stay for the next four and ½ days."  
  
I had to laugh at her logic. Actually though, I think she just wanted to have me to herself for a few days. So here I am. Brady had just brought my things by earlier.  
  
I sink heavily onto my bed. Better take it easy, Chloe. Your strength isn't what it used to be. My head spins and I close my eyes and wait for it to stop. Long, draining moments pass and finally it stops. I slowly open my eyes.  
  
Oh no. I quickly grab a tissue from my nightstand and hold it too my nose. I look down at my brand new shirt - now ruined by the bright red streaks of blood. Lord, I hope I don't do this the day of my wedding. I'd hate to get blood on my wedding dress.  
  
I lie down on my bed to rest for a moment, the tissue still firmly clamped on my nose. The nose bleeds and dizzy spells have been happening with greater frequency lately. They no longer bother me, they're just a sad fact of my life now. Of course, Brady still gets a little green at the sight. I know it's hard for him to see the dark fluid gush out of my nose.  
  
The doorbell rings followed by Nancy's inevitable "CHLOE! BELLE'S HERE!" I quickly change tops and go down stairs to meet my friend. My eyes bug when I see the stacks of bridal magazines that she brought with her. My jaw drops in astonishment. I must have been insane to ask Belle to plan my wedding. She's worse than Nancy, if you can believe that. I sink wearily into a chair as Belle begins her excited chatter. How did I get myself into this?  
  
We get started and actually make a great deal of progress, but the whole process of planning is really overwhelming me.  
  
Nancy takes in my tired appearance with worry. "Chloe, why don't you go get some rest? Belle and I can handle this without you." She soothes.  
  
I agree hesitantly. "Okay, but two words. SMALL AND SIMPLE. Got it?" I state with a warning stare at both of them.  
  
"Sure. But Chloe, you do need to decide where to have the wedding. It may be hard to find a church at this late date."  
  
I smile to myself, picturing the perfect place. "Don't worry about that. I know just the place."  
  
I crawl gratefully into bed and contented sleep flows over me. Visions and images whirl in my head. I see myself in Italy, and sailing on blue waters. A thousand happy snapshots of various places and happy times. And always it's me with Brady's arms wrapped around me. The way it should be.  
  
Four days now. Wow, in four days I will be Mrs. Brady Victor Black. Mrs. Chloe Black. Mrs. Chloe Lane Black. Yes, that's the one.  
  
Four days. I wonder what it will be like. Our wedding night, that is. I just know it will be amazing, romantic. Candles and soft music. I imagine what it will be like to feel his hands sliding up and down my skin. His soft kisses on my lips, in the crook of my neck,.other places.  
  
A tapping on my window brings me out of my delightfully wicked thoughts. Who can be at my window?  
  
"Brady!" I exclaim with surprised delight. "What are you doing here?"  
  
He grins. "I missed you. My bed is cold and empty without you." He pouts.  
  
"Sorry." I laugh. "You know how Nancy is."  
  
He laughs in agreement. "So how goes the planning?"  
  
"Very well. I think. I'm not really involved, but apparently a lot of decisions have been made. There's a bridal shower in two days."  
  
"Yeah, I think Dad wants to throw me a bachelor party." He grimaces.  
  
"No strippers. No strip clubs. No "adult" videos of any kind."  
  
"Don't worry." He looks in my eyes and I can see his love shining in the blue depths. "So, how many days is it now?"  
  
I check my watch. "Four days and counting."  
  
He reaches up then and gives me a long, lingering kiss. "(sighs) Gonna be the longest four days of my life." 


	25. Chapter TwentyFive

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Five  
  
"Are you sure you're up for this, Chloe?"  
  
"Yeah, Mom. I'm fine. I took an extra long nap this afternoon." And it's the truth; I feel pretty good right now. Of course, even if I were at death's door I would still want to be here. Nothing could keep me from seeing.  
  
"Brady!" I wave to him and he and his family join us at our large table. I stand up as he wraps his arms around me.  
  
"Hey you." I greet him with a soft whisper.  
  
"I've missed you." Is his throaty reply. His lips slowly descend on mine and we make up for our lost time together in this one.amazing.kiss.  
  
"Okay you two! Enough of that!" Belle's loud voice intrudes and brings us back down to reality.  
  
"You've got the rest of your lives to do that." She teases as she gives me a big hug. "Right now you've got your engagement party."  
  
"Right. Remind me again what the point of an engagement party is? We've already celebrated our engagement." I point out.  
  
"The point is that since Maggie offered to cater the reception and hold it here at Tuscany, you have to decide on a menu. And since you can't very well try out and decide between 350 items - we're here to help." She explains. "It's really just an excuse to eat good food and party. Besides, I figured that after two long days of separation that you and Brady would jump at the chance to see each other again. But maybe I was wrong." she trails off dramatically.  
  
"No no, that's okay. I love it!" I protest.  
  
"I know." She winks at me.  
  
Shawn Brady and his parents join us soon after. Since Marlena and Mom will be busy with their duties as mothers of the groom and bride, I've named Hope as my Matron of Honor. Belle is my Maid of Honor. Brady named Bo and Shawn as his best men - so that's why they're here.  
  
Maggie Horton comes out shortly followed by several waiters waited down with platters. I stand up to greet her.  
  
"Mrs. Horton, I can't thank you enough for hosting our reception, and on such short notice. And for free! You've been so generous."  
  
"Nonsense, Chloe. It was the least I could do for two young people as wonderful as you. And call me Maggie, dear."  
  
The waiters placed the platters in the middle of our large round table. "Okay, the first course of the dinner will be appetizers. Here is a sampling of all the appetizers we have to offer. Enjoy!" She exclaims with a twinkle in her eye. She then excuses herself to see to her other guests.  
  
I'm stunned by the array of food on the table. There is such a wide variety to choose from, from the very elegant to simply casual. Oh my goodness. There is no way I can choose among all of these hors d'oeuvres. I guess that's why I have help. Brady and 'the guys' have already dug into a platter of chicken strips.  
  
"Here. You have to try the mushroom poppers." Belle says as she practically shoves a deep fried portabella in my mouth. "They are sooo good."  
  
Mmmmfhg. I have to agree. The salmon pate melts in my mouth but I wonder if it isn't too much for what I have in mind. After a few minutes Maggie comes to check our progress.  
  
"So Chloe, have you made any decisions yet?" She asks with a casual smile.  
  
"It's all wonderful, Maggie!" I enthuse. "I like the idea of a casual menu - I don't want a formal event. The chicken certainly appears to be a big hit." The boys are wiping out the platter of chicken strips. "The mushrooms are incredible. So let's have those two and some of your famous mozzarella bread."  
  
Maggie makes note of this. "Excellent choice!" she raves.  
  
"Now about the wine selection." she prods.  
  
I bite my lips as Belle laughs. "It's a shame you won't be able to drink at your own wedding."  
  
"Small price to pay." I smile at Brady who sits beside me. "Besides, I'm not waiting three years to marry this guy."  
  
"We're doing good to get her to wait three days." My mother chimes in, creating a hearty chuckle at the table.  
  
Maggie seems to seriously ponder the situation. "Oh my. This won't do at all. The bride has to at least join in the toast. It's bad luck, or something like that." She adds with a wink.  
  
"I won't tell if you don't."  
  
"Except we're forgetting that one of Salem's finest is sitting at our table." She reminds me.  
  
Bo looks up from his plate of chicken strips. "Huh? Who, me? I don't care. I'm more worried about him." He points a greasy finger at Brady. "Weren't you the one who was thrown out of here one night for causing a drunken disturbance?" he asks with a broad smile.  
  
Brady's lips curl up in an embarrassing grin.  
  
"That's right. I had forgotten about that." Maggie exclaims. "Well now, this changes everything." She jokes. The table laughs at Brady's expense and though he's blushing I can tell he's enjoying the good-natured ribbing.  
  
Bo speaks up on his nephew's behalf. "That's okay, Brady. I was something of a rebel myself at your age."  
  
"Yes, and it was the love of a good woman that tamed you." Hope adds as she joins hands with her husband. The two share a sweet kiss as the table looks on.  
  
Brady gazes at me with love shining in his eyes. "So I guess it runs in the family." He says as he kisses my lips.  
  
"Great. So does this mean that I can expect the same behavior from our children?" I ask dryly.  
  
The table grows silent suddenly and I wonder why. Then it hits me. I guess they're thinking what I'm thinking. I'm probably not going to have any children, because I'm not going to live long enough to. I look over at Nancy and see the sad, brave smile on her face and the wetness in her eyes.  
  
A silent moment passes and then Hope reaches out and pats my hand. "We'll just hope they turn out like you, Chloe." And with her statement the table comes back to life and the awkwardness passes.  
  
Brady stands up from his chair. "Well, while we're waiting for the next round of dishes, I'm going to dance with my beautiful fiancée. Excuse us." And with that he whisks me out onto the dance floor.  
  
"How are you feeling?" he whispers softly in my ear. We are dancing, oh so close. I had missed this. His arms around me, his warmth coursing through me. His lips nuzzle my earlobe.  
  
"mmmm. Fine, now that I'm with you." I murmur contentedly. I close my eyes as we dance slowly.  
  
"I never want to go this long apart from you again."  
  
"Fine by me."  
  
He pulls me even closer against him. We dance for long, blissful minutes. No words are spoken between us.  
  
I soon grow aware of a growing pain, a tightness in my calf. I try to ignore it and continue our dance, but suddenly a sharp spasm of pain shoots up my leg. My leg buckles and I collapse heavily against Brady.  
  
"Chloe, what is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"My leg. I think it's okay now." The pain is gone now and my leg feels slightly numb. "It's passed now."  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
I nod. "It was just a brief spasm - probably a misfired nerve or something." We continue our dance with no other incidents.  
  
Afterwards, I feel the familiar burning in my nose that signals an approaching nosebleed. "I'm going to the restroom. I'll meet you at the table."  
  
I stand in front of the gilded mirror in the restroom with a napkin clamped firmly on my nose. "Come on. Hurry up." I mutter impatiently as I wait for the bleeding to stop. I count the number of tiles on the ceiling - 234, if you want to know. Finally. The soaked napkin is dropped into the trash and I inspect my appearance. I think I'm ready to join the others.  
  
An arm grabs me as soon as I exit the ladies room and whirls me back in. "What the." I exclaim. Before I can finish my thought a pair of lips clamp down on mine. Warm, soft lips. Very familiar lips.  
  
I close my eyes in ecstasy when Brady pushes me up against the restroom wall. With a quiet moan he deepens his kiss. His warm tongue explores my mouth, his hands caress my neck, brush my shoulders, run through my hair.  
  
But at some point we must come up for air. "Brady.what was that?"  
  
"I missed you." He replies with a roguish wink.  
  
"I could tell." I give him a sly look. "Sorry boy, but you're going to have to wait."  
  
Later, after we had all nibbled on everything on the menu, Belle stood to her feet. "Well, it's been great, but Chloe has a bridal shower to get to. So, see ya."  
  
Bo stood up also. "Yeah, and Brady has a bachelor party. Come on guys, strippers await." He looks over to find four pairs of feminine eyes staring at him. "Uh, bye." And he and the guys make a hasty exit.  
  
"Men" we chant in unison. 


	26. Chapter TwentySix

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Six  
  
"Here, open mine!" Belle says as she excitedly thrusts a gift bag into my hands. I dive in past the lavender and ivory tissue for the goodies underneath. I pull out several bottles of.  
  
"Bath stuff!" I squeal. There are lotions and bath gels and perfumes. "Oh look, it's my favorite scent, jasmine!"  
  
"Ooh nice." The ladies exclaim as they pass around the bottles. Hope sprays a fine mist and the scent of jasmine fills the air.  
  
"And they've got this powdery pearl stuff in it to make your skin all shimmery." Belle adds.  
  
Marlena hands the bottles back to me. "When did you get these?" she asks her daughter.  
  
Belle looks up from her position beside me on the floor. "During our shopping trip this afternoon. I broke away while you were looking at the lace teddy. You try shopping for lingerie with your mom." She explains to me with a shudder. "Every time we saw something we liked Mom would say, 'Hmmm, I wonder if your father would like me in this.' Brrrr." We chuckle at Belle's expression of mock horror.  
  
Marlena rolled her eyes. "Apparently the thought of her parents as a loving, sexual couple 'wigs' her out." She explains to Hope and Nancy who reply with sympathetic nods.  
  
"I know what you mean." Hope replies. "You should see the look on Shawn's face whenever Bo and I show the slightest affection toward each other. I told him once, 'How do you think you got here?' to which he replied, 'Mommmm!'"  
  
"Exactly." Marlena agrees. "So I soon gave up the lingerie idea and decided to get you this instead." She hands me a beautifully wrapped box.  
  
I carefully unwrap the box and gently place the paper to the side. I ignore Belle's demands to "hurry up". I lift the lid and gasp in amazement. Inside are several beautiful glass sculptures. "This is."  
  
"Yes. Italian art glass. Brady's mother Isabella collected it. John and I thought it would be a nice addition to the loft. It needs a feminine touch." She smiles.  
  
"They're beautiful." I breathe. The figurines are absolutely exquisite. "Brady is going to love this. Thank you so much. It's such a lovely gift."  
  
"Well, I can't top that, but I think you'll get more use out of this." Hope says with a wink and hands me a present.  
  
Inside the gift box are two beautiful satin negligees. One is a creamy ivory and the other a periwinkle blue. They are so soft and I love to run my fingers over the fabric.  
  
"I couldn't decide which one I liked better so I got both of them. White is traditional, yet the blue will go so well with your coloring. And really, you can never have too many." Hope adds.  
  
"That's true!" Nancy chirps. "Why, I have this one teddy that Craig likes so much, I have it in five different colors. It really drives him crazy. Just the other night."  
  
"Mom!" I cry out. "I really don't need to hear this."  
  
She laughs and rolls her eyes. "Okay, Chloe. Here, why don't you open my gift?"  
  
Hmmm. I wonder what it is. Small, yet heavy. I rip off the paper to find a camera.  
  
"Not just any camera. That's a digital camera. Top of the line and you can email the pictures and all that techno stuff." Nancy informs me.  
  
"Wow. This is great!" I exclaim.  
  
"Glad you like it, because I want lots of pictures of your honeymoon."  
  
"Where are you going?" Hope asks.  
  
"Oh, this little bed and breakfast a couple of hours from here. It's in a beautiful, secluded location, but close enough in case.we need to come back."  
  
I open up other gifts while we snack on cheesecake and cappuccino. Hope has done a wonderful job with the shower, especially on such short notice. We're gathered in her living room and it's just such a nice, casual party. It's very nice. Other gifts include pretty bras and panties, and soft nightgowns edged with lace.  
  
"Oh, here's one from Mimi." Belle hands me a heavy, flat present that feels like a book. "I don't know what it is but she saw it at Dotcom and went nuts. She couldn't stop laughing."  
  
I tear off the paper, (I long ago stopped being delicate with the unwrapping) and feel my cheeks burn. "Oh my." I exclaim lowly.  
  
"What is it?" several voices ask. I hold up the book in answer, too dumbfounded to respond. Laughter fills the room. I stare back at the cover to make sure my eyes haven't deceived me.  
  
Bold, gold letters dance across the cover accompanied by various.illustrations.  
  
"Kama Sutra: The Indian Art of Love" I read aloud and collapse in embarrassed laughter. I shake my head and pass the book to the ladies who unabashedly flip through the pages.  
  
"Ooh, I've done this." Someone exclaims. I don't even want to know who. Belle and I just stare at each other in mortified shock and pretend that this isn't happening.  
  
"That looks like fun."  
  
"Mom!" Belle cries.  
  
Marlena looks at her daughter. "What?"  
  
I turn to Belle and laugh. "I can't believe Mimi got me this." The room is filled with loud giggles.  
  
"Yeah, well I'm pretty sure she meant it as a joke." She explains.  
  
The giggles turn into full-blown laughter as I roll my eyes. I cannot believe these women are our mothers. "Alright already. Gimme my book back."  
  
Nancy hands me the book. "You know, I have a similar book at home. If you want, I could give you some pointers."  
  
I turn to Belle. "Is this conversation actually taking place?"  
  
"I'm afraid so." She laughs.  
  
I'm almost relieved when pressure begins to build up behind my nose. "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom." Hope directs me to the nearest bathroom.  
  
I close the door and I can still hear giggling. What is it about a bridal shower that turns adult women into giggling teenage girls? I press some toilet paper to my nose and wait for the bleeding to stop. Two in one day. This can't be good. And my calf muscles feel really tight and they're beginning to feel sore. I remember the spasm from earlier. I better talk to Craig about that. It may be a new symptom.  
  
But, I guess the party isn't so bad. At least we're all having fun. I'm glad that I'm getting to know Marlena and Hope on another level. Maybe it's just the emotions brought on by my impending nuptials, but I really feel close to them tonight. To everyone. It was sooo amazing for Hope to throw me a shower. I kind of wish that I had gotten to know her better. I just always saw her as Shawn's mother. The same with Marlena.  
  
A lone tear crawls out of the corner of my eye. Okay Chloe, that's enough. I dry my eye. You're acting like you're never going to see them again.  
  
"Chloe, you still in here?" Belle's voice asks on the other side of the door.  
  
"Yeah. Come on in."  
  
She enters and stops dead at the sight of the blood gushing out of my nose. Her blue eyes widen with fear. "Oh, God Chloe you're bleeding. I'm gonna get Nancy." She turns to leave and I stop her.  
  
"Wait Belle. It's no big deal. Just a nosebleed."  
  
She stands in the bathroom with me as an awkward moment passes. I know what she's thinking. This is a cold reminder of my illness.  
  
"Does.it happen a lot?" she asks quietly.  
  
I shrug nonchalantly. "Second one today. They're coming more often now."  
  
"What do you think it means?"  
  
"Honestly? That I don't have a lot of time left." I say simply.  
  
Her eyes fill with tears that spill over her cheeks. Her words are nearly incoherent as she gathers me in a crushing hug. "I'm so sorry, Chloe. I don't know what to say. Please don't die."  
  
My own tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I pull back from Belle. "Please don't cry. If you cry, then I cry and there will be plenty of time for tears later. Like at my beautiful wedding. But right now, we have a shower to get back to."  
  
Belle wipes her eyes and blows her nose. "Listen, before we go back, I want to tell you something. I'm really glad Brady found you. You've been really good for him."  
  
A happy smile flits across my face. "He's been really good for me too, Belle."  
  
Belle laughs then and her eyes are glossy with memories. "I remember when you two first met. You fought like mad every time you came into contact with each other. Even then I could tell that there was something there. I often wondered if you two would ever find a way to each other. And now you have." she trails off and again her eyes threaten to spill tears.  
  
She hastily wipes her eyes. "Okay, we better get back before we completely fall apart." She jokes.  
  
Now it's my turn to stop her. "Wait. I have something to say too. Thanks.for being my friend. It means more than you'll ever know."  
  
She gives me a strange look. "You've been my friend too, Chloe."  
  
"No, it's not that. When I first came here I was scared and hurt and desperately trying to hide behind a wall of cold anger and thick glasses. You saw right through my defenses. You reached out for me and despite how hard I resisted you made me your friend. You are the reason why I came out of my shell of black clothing. You took me under your wing and made me feel safe enough to be myself. I've never had a friend like you. I've never known anyone like you."  
  
Belle laughs nervously and modestly brushes aside my praise. "You make me sound like a saint. It wasn't like that. I just saw something in you that I liked and I knew that you were worth getting to know better. Honestly, you reminded me of Brady. Wow, I guess even then, months before you two met, I was thinking that you belonged together. And now it's happening and we're going to be even closer, Chloe. We're going to be sisters!"  
  
We hug deeply and I am reminded of our long years of friendship. Slumber parties and shopping trips and late night gab-fests swirl through my mind.  
  
Belle breaks our hug and again wipes her eyes. "They are going to send a search party for us if we don't get back to the shower."  
  
I'm still thinking about her later tonight as I get ready for bed. Her words replay in my mind. Brady and I belong together. My eyes fall on a gift box and I blush remembering what lies inside. I pull out the beautiful blue satin gown and hold it against my body as I look in the mirror. A wicked smile forms on my face and I wonder what it will look like on my body.  
  
I carefully pull the silky gown over my head. Wow. It's beautiful and I can't believe I look like this. I feel both feminine and sexy. Desirable. My thoughts drift as they have of late to my wedding night.  
  
A quick rapping on my window brings me out of my daze. Brady! I throw a robe on over my nearly naked body and run to my window for our nightly rendezvous. I have barely opened the window when his lips land on mine with a soft kiss.  
  
"So what did you boys do tonight?" I ask when we break our kiss.  
  
"Strippers, strippers, and more strippers. Kidding!" he adds at my angry glare. "Actually we just drove around to different bars, drinking and talking. You know, guy stuff."  
  
"Sounds like fun." I roll my eyes.  
  
"It was actually. (laughs) You should have seen them. Dad, Uncle Bo and Dr. Wesley were trying to drink each other under the table. Uncle Bo won - I think it was his training with the merchant marines. And of course this led to a B.S. contest. You know, who had the best story. I won."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Hello? My apartment is haunted by the ghost of my dead mom. No one else came close. Although both Uncle Bo and Dad did have some amazing stories. And even Dr. Wesley surprised me with a tale from his "wilder days". So, how was the shower? Did you trade secret cookie recipes?" He asks with a wide smile. "Seriously, what did you ladies do?"  
  
"Um, we talked and giggled. You know, girl stuff." I gift him with a sly smile. "I got some pretty things."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. In fact, I'm wearing one of them right now."  
  
"Really? Can I see?"  
  
"Yes." I check my watch. "In 28 hours and 36 minutes." 


	27. Chapter TwentySeven

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Seven  
  
"Do you Chloe, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband."  
  
I barely hear the minister's words as I gaze into my love's blue eyes. They shine brightly with joy and unshed tears.  
  
"I do." My voice comes out a cracked whisper. Before I even know it we are pronounced husband and wife and Brady gathers me in his arms for a kiss that unites us for all eternity.  
  
I yawn and slowly blink open my eyes. My blissful dream floats away on the wings of waking thought. Bright golden sunrays dance through my windows. Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. A beautiful day for a wedding.  
  
I stretch dreamily and glance over at Sugar who dozes beside me. "Hey Sugar!" I scratch behind her ears. "I'm getting married today!" I squeal happily.  
  
I glance at the clock. "In just three and a half hours."  
  
Wait a minute. Three and a half hours?! My eyes fly back to the clock. 2:30!!  
  
"Mommmmmmm!" I scream as I run down the stairs.  
  
Nancy calmly walks in from the kitchen. "Chloe, what is it?"  
  
"Mom, it's 2:30!" I cry in total panic. I can't believe she let me sleep so late on today of all days. "Oh, there's so much to do - we have to pick up the dress. I have to do my nails - my hair.aaaagh!"  
  
"Chloe honey, calm down. Everything is being taken care of. We are well on schedule. I picked up your dress this morning and Hope and Belle will be here shortly to help you get ready. I let you sleep because you need to conserve your strength. You have a long night ahead of you."  
  
I inhale deeply and try to calm my racing heart. "Okay. Wait, is everything set up for the wedding?"  
  
"I just came from there. Everything is ready. Oh, the place looks amazing. I can't wait to see how it will look tonight."  
  
I smile from relief and happiness. "It does? I'm so happy. Brady is going to be so surprised."  
  
Nancy chuckles. "I can't believe you're keeping the location of the wedding a secret from the groom. Craig tells me that they're going to blindfold him and drive him over there and that they won't remove the blindfold until time for the wedding."  
  
I smile deviously. "That's the plan! I can't wait to see the look on his face. It's going to be priceless." I can just imagine the setting. Perfect.  
  
"But until then we do have to start getting ready." Nancy reminds me. "Why don't you go take a bath and I'll make you some tea."  
  
I head upstairs and get the bath water started. The water is so warm and helps to soothe my nerves. Oh, I hope today goes smoothly. Please just let me get through the day; no nosebleeds, no dizzy spells. Please God, let it be like there's nothing wrong with me. I want to forget that I'm sick, if only for one day.  
  
I let the water out of the tub and proceed to dry off. I have just wrapped my cotton robe around me when the doorbell rings. Nancy answers the door and I can hear Belle's excited chatter below.  
  
"CHLOE! GET DOWN HERE!"  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I laugh as I make my way downstairs. Hope and Belle stand in the living room with dresses in one hand and plain paper bags in the other. I greet them and Belle shoves a paper bag in my hand. A warm aroma wafts up from the bag and I know that it's one of my favorite grilled chicken sandwiches from  
  
"Burger Barn?! You stopped for burgers on the way here?"  
  
"Better now than later." Hope answers. "Believe me, you do NOT want to be on the way to your wedding when you suddenly get a craving for burgers. You don't want to make a burger run in your wedding dress."  
  
I just look at Hope.  
  
"Long story. If we get through today then I'll tell you all about it. But now we have a bride to get ready!"  
  
Hope puts curlers in my hair while Belle does my nails. "What color are you using?" I ask her. She holds up a bottle of sheer peach. "Good. As long as it's not that pink crap you like." She sticks out her tongue in response and I giggle. It feels good to laugh; it helps to soothe my many butterflies.  
  
"I talked to Dad briefly before I left. He, Craig and Bo are all getting ready with Brady at his loft. Apparently Brady is a nervous wreck." Belle laughs.  
  
"That makes two of us." I smile as I think of Brady nervous. He's usually so strong and confident that it's nice to see the other side of him. I imagine him fidgeting and messing with his tie, like he does when he's anxious. He's probably pacing the room as we speak, running his hands through his hair. I wonder what he's feeling right now. Is he as stupidly happy as I am right now? Is that silly grin of his splashed across his face?  
  
Later, Nancy does my makeup while Belle and Hope get ready. "You're not putting too much on are you?" I ask nervously. "I want to look natural." I grimace inwardly. Nancy and I definitely have different ideas about makeup. I'm of the "less is more" persuasion and Nancy.is not.  
  
"Have some faith in your mother, Chloe. Trust me, you're going to be beautiful." Right, in the way that Tammy Fay Baker is beautiful. Nancy is barely done with the finishing touches when I grab for the mirror.  
  
"Not yet!" she moves the mirror out my reach. "Let's get you in the dress first, so we can get the full effect."  
  
So now I'm standing on a short stool while Nancy makes last minute alterations.  
  
"Stop fidgeting, Chloe."  
  
"I'm not fidgeting, Mom, I'm breathing! Which is not so easy when you're pulling the dress so tightly around my ribs."  
  
"I'm just trying to pull in some of the slack. I got a couple of sizes below your normal size but you've lost so much weight so quickly that the dress is still a little big." She explains through the pins in her teeth.  
  
"Okay, there. Now you may look at yourself."  
  
I turn to the full-length mirror that hangs on the back of my bedroom door. Oh my goodness. I never imagined that I could look like this. My hair is loosely piled on top of my head, and stray ringlets frame my face. And my face! I can hardly see the makeup. Instead, my face radiates a healthy glow that had been absent from it for some time. The dark circles under my eyes are gone, and there is once again color in my cheeks.  
  
"Oh Mom." I breathe.  
  
And the dress is simply breathtaking. It's a simple design of ivory satin edged with lace. It falls slightly off the shoulders with long, slender sleeves. Nancy carefully puts the veil on my head and Belle and Hope stare in awe. There are more than a few sniffles in the room as we all gaze misty eyed at my reflection. "sniff We need to get pictures of this." Nancy picks up her camera. She takes different pictures of me, both alone and with Belle and Hope. Hope then takes a few with Nancy and I.  
  
"Oh, Chloe. You're so beautiful." Belle begins, her blue eyes shining with moisture. "I can't believe you're getting married today, to my brother! We're really going to be sisters!" Belle and I hug, careful of our dresses as tears threaten to spill from our eyes.  
  
"Oh no. None of that." Nancy declares as she hands us tissue. "No crying. If you cry then I'll cry and we'll all be crying and.we'll have to redo our makeup." Nancy says firmly. I notice with a smile that her eyes also shine with tears.  
  
Nancy checks her watch. "Well, it's just about time. Come on girls. We have a wedding to get to." 


	28. Chapter TwentyEight

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Eight  
  
I inhale a shaky breath and smooth imaginary wrinkles from my dress. Soon, in mere moments I will be walking down the aisle before me. I take a moment and look around me in wonder. Nancy and Craig, and.everyone have really out done themselves. The rows of chairs have been decorated in blues and purples and white lights glow on nearby trees. They pulled it off, and in very little time.  
  
My eyes travel down the aisle to where my groom waits for me. I hold back a small burst of laughter. He stands in front of the seated crowd, a pink blush on his cheeks, and a satin blindfold covering his eyes. Bo and Shawn stand beside him. Bo whispers in Brady's ear and his blush deepens as his face breaks into a bemused grin. He shifts his weight to the other foot and I can almost hear the sigh of wry impatience that escapes his lips. I guess he's been tortured long enough. I motion to Bo to remove the blindfold.  
  
He blinks rapidly against the sudden light that hits his eyes. His eyes adjust and he gazes around him, mouth open in wonder. He stands just in front of the gazebo in Salem Park. The lights are on, causing the beautiful structure to glow. The sun has begun to set and the sky is painted with brilliant orange and pink splashes. I smile to see the expression of sheer joy that settles on his features. He smiles too, as if to say "Of course. I remember."  
  
I remember too. A magical moment on a magical summer evening. It was the summer before last, when Phillip and all my friends had gone to Puerto Rico, leaving me behind. Brady had appointed himself my watcher, and had kept me company during those long weeks. One night he brought me here. He turned on the lights and said that this would be a beautiful place for a wedding. That remark has always stayed in my mind, and now I'm seeing it lived out.  
  
I come back to myself to find that we are about to begin. A quartet begins playing and Belle begins her walk down the aisle, followed by Hope. Shawn and Bo's eyes shine with love for their beautiful ladies. Brady's eyes are downcast, staring at the ground. He inhales deeply and I realize that he is just preparing himself for this moment. His eyes raise and fall on mine.  
  
His mouth drops open once again as he gazes at me. I've never seen such love in his eyes as radiates from the blue depths now. We're both captivated, spell bound. His eyes shine with unshed tears and I feel my own eyes begin to water. This is not good. I haven't even walked down the aisle and I'm already crying. How am I going to get through the wedding?  
  
He smiles then, love and wonder shining on his face. I love you he mouths.  
  
I grin widely and pull myself together. Me too. I reply with a silent laugh. I begin the torturously long walk toward my beloved. Why does the aisle have to be so long? And why must they play the music so slowly? I want to get this over with.  
  
Soon enough though, I am standing by his side. We grasp each other's hands tightly and I feel myself relax. The moment I've waited for since eternity past is finally here. I'm about to be united, no, reunited with the missing part of my soul.  
  
Sorry about that. With the beauty of nature surrounding me and the reality of the moment finally sinking in, I can't help but wax poetic.  
  
The minister's words wash over me and I am transported to another plane of existence. I am simultaneously aware of everything around me, from the orange light filtering in through the leaves to the bird song floating high above me to the feel of Brady's warm strong hand in mine. It's like time has stopped. Eternity in a second.  
  
I glance beside me at my soon-to-be husband. He looks ahead at the minister with far-away eyes that sparkle with an inner joy. He looks down at me and smiles widely. I see it then. He's feeling the same thing I am. I can see the wonder and sublime bliss in his eyes. He gives my hand a soft squeeze and I turn my attention back to the minister.  
  
The minister gives a brief, yet beautiful message about love and faith and hope. He has apparently been told of my condition, for he avoids any reference to the future. Instead he speaks of the present, how much life exists in a single moment. Love is a powerful force, transcending time and space and knowledge. Love created the universe and everything in it, and love is the reason why we were created. To love and be loved.  
  
"There is no greater earthly joy then when two separate, complete souls choose to join together, to become one soul for all eternity." His rich voice soulfully declares.  
  
It is now time for our vows. Brady and I have decided to write our own vows. The traditional one is too depressing, and besides Brady and I have never been big on tradition. We turn and face each other. Brady gives my hands a quick squeeze and takes a big breath before beginning.  
  
His eyes focus on the setting sun behind me. "Look." He whispers, his face bathed in a pink/purple light.  
  
I crane my head to look at the sun that is now quickly sinking behind the nearby hills. I gasp in wonder. I've never seen a sunset like this. The sky is splashed with pinks, purples and violets and above me already a few stars twinkle.  
  
Everyone gathered pauses and stares at the sun. Muted gasps and exclamations of wonder can be heard from the crowd. The sun shoots forth one last dazzling ray of brilliant orange-pink before finally vanishing from sight. I now understand what "going out in a blaze of glory" means. Fitting.  
  
I turn back to my love. Brady smiles at me and begins.  
  
"The sun sets on our wedding. But it will never set on our love. As long as the earth spins and the sun gives its light, so our love will live on long after our earthly bodies are gone. If there is anything I learned from biology class it's that life is a cycle. Of death and rebirth. The trees cast off their leaves in winter, only to renew them in the spring. The sun sets in the evening, and rises the next day. I understand this now." He says. His voice drops to a throaty whisper. "I believe it now."  
  
He pauses momentarily and then continues, his voice loud and clear. "And because of this.faith, I know now that I will enjoy every second of the evening. And I will endure the night, for I know the morning will come again."  
  
His words shoot straight to my heart, pricking it with joy and sadness. They are prophetic, and have a deeper meaning. If a person's entire life is but a day, then I am nearing the end of it. The sun has set. It is now evening for me, and midnight quickly follows.  
  
Brady caresses my cheek and wipes away a stray tear with his thumb. I smile at the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes. "Chloe Michele Lane, I promise to love you, to cherish you, to understand you, to forgive you, to free you, and to remember you for now and all eternity."  
  
He falls silent and now it is my turn. I gaze above me at the sky and try to compose myself. The sun's residual light still lingers low on the horizon, yet the sky above is now dark and stars shine brightly overhead. I take a moment and just appreciate the beauty of the moment. A light breeze rustles through the trees and the gazebo stands just before us, beautifully lit.  
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I exclaim lightly as I begin my vows. "Darkness falls." I turn and gaze into Brady's eyes.  
  
"When I was little I was terrified of the dark. I was afraid of all the hidden, nameless things lurking in the shadows. In some ways it has stayed with me - fear of the unknown. But here under the stars and the lights of the gazebo I realize something. There is beauty in the dark, and I no longer fear the unknown." My voice cracks and tears slip from my eyes.  
  
"Brady Victor Black, I promise to love you, to cherish you, to understand you, to forgive you, to free you, and to remember you for now and all eternity."  
  
We manage to exchange rings despite our shaking hands and the minister pronounces us Husband and Wife. Brady's lips settle softly on mine amid the cheers (and a few whistles) from the crowd. I feel it now, in this kiss, the joining of our souls. We are one. 


	29. Chapter TwentyNine

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Twenty-Nine  
  
"How are you feeling? Do you need to sit down?" My husband's soft voice whispers in my ear. We are dancing closely together in Tuscany's ballroom. I snuggle closer to him and lay my head on his shoulder. I smile contentedly. He is so warm.  
  
"mmmmno.I'm just fine." I murmur. Nothing could get me to leave Brady's side right now. Besides, I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like I could dance the night away.  
  
"Okay. Just don't overdo it." His rich voice dances down my neck. "There's still.tonight." He whispers suggestively.  
  
I laugh and reach up to cup his face. "Can't wait." I grin and flash him a devious wink. I gaze up into my husband's blue eyes. They seem to twinkle with joy and laughter.  
  
"Come here, you little vixen." He lowers his lips to mine. His kiss is sweet.and saucy. I laugh when he nips my lower lip, pulling on it gently with his teeth.  
  
"Ahem. AHEM!"  
  
Brady and I reluctantly break our kiss. We turn to see John and Marlena standing beside us. John is grinning at us - ear to ear.  
  
"Can we help you?" Brady inquires, his eyes never leaving my face.  
  
"I was hoping to steal your lovely wife away for a dance."  
  
"If you must." Brady replies with a heavy sigh. "Don't be gone long. I've been separated from her for four ½ days. I don't think I can take any more." he smiles and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.  
  
So John and I dance, while Brady dances with Marlena. I watch him for a moment and a smile forms on my face. It's wonderful to see how well they get along now. I can hardly believe that there was a time when it wasn't so for them. I'm so happy for them.  
  
I look up to see John looking down on me, studying my smile. I glance back over at Brady. "He's so happy." I say, as explanation.  
  
"He loves you." He replies simply.  
  
"I know. That's why I almost didn't marry him."  
  
John waits patiently for me to continue as we dance to the beautiful classical music. I watch as Brady laughs at one of Marlena's jokes. I see the joyful smile on his face and my heart twists with sadness. I know that he will not always be happy; his face will not always smile.  
  
"I feel so selfish." I confide to John. "Like I'm buying myself a few moments of happiness in exchange for his pain."  
  
"You think your death will be easier on him if you stay away from him, if you don't let him love you."  
  
"I don't know. Yes. I don't want him to love me, just to lose me. I don't want to put him through that pain." I take a deep breath. "But it's a moot point, because here we are, newly married. I couldn't stay away from him if I tried. And I did try." I smile wryly.  
  
John chuckles softly. "Isabella did the same thing to me. She tried to push me away after we learned of her cancer." His eyes seem far away, his voice rich with memory. "Fortunately we Black men are very.stubborn."  
  
"I'll say." I chime in and we both laugh.  
  
"I'm sorry if this brought up any painful memories for you." I say softly.  
  
He smiles, his eyes once again taking on that far away cast. "I don't have any painful memories. Not of IzzyB. That's the funny thing about time. Feelings of pain and loss, they do fade. And then one day you find that you can think about that person and not feel any sadness. You only remember the joy, the happiness of that time."  
  
I feel a huge weight slide off of me with his words. I look at Brady and see him with new eyes. He's strong, and he has family and friends who will look after him. He's going to be okay.  
  
The song ends and Brady makes his way over to us. "Well, I suppose I must give you back to your husband. I believe he's starting to go through Chloe- Lane withdrawal." John jokes, throwing a wink at his son.  
  
"Yes, except now it's Chloe-Lane-Black withdrawal." Brady replies.  
  
"Withdrawal? Sounds serious." Another voice chimes in behind us. We turn to find Craig and Nancy coming up to us. Craig continues as a small smile plays on his face.  
  
"As a doctor, I recommend that you dance with my lovely wife, while I dance with my lovely daughter." I take the hand that he offers me.  
  
Brady smiles and bows low to Nancy. "Mrs. Wesley, may I have this dance?"  
  
Nancy laughs. "Of course. And now that you've managed to steal my only daughter from me, the least you could do is call me Nancy."  
  
"Agreed." He replies with a smile as they dance away.  
  
"So," Craig turns to me with concern in his eyes. "How are you feeling, sweetheart? Do you need to take a break?"  
  
"I'm fine, Dad. I'm feeling better today than I have in a long time."  
  
Craig looks at me, his face beaming with pride. "Chloe, I'm so proud of you. So proud of the woman you've become. And I am so thankful that you came into my life. You know I couldn't love you any more if you were my own flesh and blood."  
  
I nod silently as my eyes fill with tears. He cups my face with his hands, his eyes a portrait of love, joy, and sorrow. "I love you, Dad." I whisper, bringing a large smile to his face.  
  
"I love you too, sweetheart." We hug as if saying goodbye. He smiles at me as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Why don't you go join your husband? Withdrawal is not a pretty thing."  
  
I catch up to my husband just as Maggie informs us that it's time to cut the cake. My mouth gapes open when waiters wheel out this massive white cake from the kitchen. Oh my goodness, it's huge! There must be seven layers to that thing! Brady and I feed each other a slice of the cake. Mmmm, Lord, it's to die for. I "accidentally" got a little icing on Brady's nose and lips, so I lean up and kiss his face clean.  
  
"mmmm, my favorite" I murmur as I kiss the icing from his lips. He grins in answer as our kiss deepens, oblivious to the amused onlookers.  
  
"Alright, you can shag my brother later! We have other things to do first!" Belle cries, causing chuckles to echo around the room.  
  
"Belle!" I can feel my cheeks blush.  
  
But she simply looks at me with that oh-so-innocent look on her cherubic face. "What?"  
  
Soon we come to the part of the reception I've least looked forward to. The garter toss. I still can't believe I agreed to this. It has to be the most embarrassing, sexist, not to mention completely out dated part of the reception ritual. But it's "tradition". So now I find myself sitting in a chair in front of the guests with Brady's hands sliding up my thigh. In another time and place (like say, later tonight) I might enjoy this - but not now!  
  
"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I ask my husband, whose face is as pink as mine.  
  
"Because Belle would have a fit if we didn't. Tradition and all that."  
  
Now that Brady has garter in hand, Maggie calls for all the single men to come forward. Which is Shawn. I run the guest list through my head. Yep, he's the only single guy here. Soft laughter and chuckles break out in the restaurant.  
  
"Okay Shawn, you know if you don't catch this, you'll never hear the end of it." Brady jokes.  
  
Shawn smiles good-naturedly. "Just throw it already."  
  
Brady winds up his arm like a professional pitcher and the satin garter belt flies through the air. Shawn catches it and proceeds to do a little "touchdown victory dance."  
  
Now that the display of masculinity is over, it's the ladies turn. I prepare to throw the bouquet. Belle is front and center grinning from ear to ear. Maggie scans the crowd.  
  
"Wait! Sami Brady, you're single - get up here."  
  
Sami's smile vanishes. "Sure, rub it in." she grumbles as she takes her place beside her sister.  
  
I turn around and close my eyes. I'm secretly aiming for Belle because I know she really wants it. REALLY. I throw the bouquet up and back over my shoulder. Several exclamations and laughter fill the room. I turn and look at Belle, whose hands are empty. I soon find the flowers and the source of the laughter. The beautiful bouquet of blue and lavender flowers rests in the lap of none other than Mrs. Horton!  
  
"Gran, you caught the bouquet!" Hope exclaims. "You're the next to get married!"  
  
"Great, Alice Horton is getting married before me. Just perfect." Sami remarks wryly as she rejoins her family.  
  
After the festivities, Brady and I share another dance. I sigh contentedly and lay my head on his shoulders. I love dancing like this - so close, like we're the only two in the room.  
  
"Are you tired?" his voice rings with concern.  
  
"No. But I am ready for bed."  
  
His eyes twinkle mischievously. "Me too. Let's get out of here." He grabs my hand and leads me over to where our families sit laughing.  
  
"Well, if it isn't the newlyweds!" Bo exclaims as we greet them. "What's up?"  
  
"Well, Chloe and I were thinking that we.would.like to leave.now." Brady answers.  
  
"Aah, anxious to get started on the honeymoon?" Bo asks with a smirk.  
  
"Something like that. Anyway, we better get going. We don't want the hotel to give away our room."  
  
"Actually, you don't have to worry about that.because you kinda don't have reservations." Bo says slowly.  
  
"We don't have reservations? Uncle Bo, that was your only job! To call the place and book a room."  
  
"Yeah I know. There's uh, been a change of plans."  
  
"Change of plans?"  
  
"You'll find out in a minute." Bo explains as he pulls out two long scarves.  
  
"Again with the blindfold." Brady mutters as they wrap the silk cloths around our heads - preventing us from seeing anything.  
  
"I feel ridiculous." I say.  
  
"Yeah, well, turn about is fair play." Remarks my husband's voice. I stick my tongue out in his direction.  
  
Our families herd us outside and into a car. We drive for a few minutes and I have lost all sense of direction. Finally, after ten minutes or so the car stops and we step outside. The place seems strangely familiar. I know this smell - strong and earthy, yet not unpleasant. I hear a soft noise and suddenly it clicks. I know where we are before they remove the blindfold. My eyes confirm what my ears have already told me.  
  
We stand in front of a large expanse of water. Lights from nearby buildings reflect off of the choppy surface.  
  
"We're at the pier." Brady says softly.  
  
"Welcome to your home for the next two weeks." Bo says and turns our attention to the side. A boat sits tied to the dock. It appears to glow from the soft lights decorating it. It's a beautiful boat; it looks very cozy. My eyes are drawn to a shining brass plaque that reads ' Fancy Face'.  
  
I turn to Bo in wonder as he gives Brady a set of keys. "We thought this would be better than some stuffy old bed and breakfast. This way, you can be alone, travel around, but still be close by. Your things are already aboard and there's food and supplies for a couple of weeks. So, do you like it?"  
  
Brady stares at him in shock. "I, I love it. Uncle Bo this is great! Perfect!" I nod my agreement. I'm too stunned to say anything. This has completely exceeded my expectations.  
  
"Good. Glad to hear it. There are some maps aboard of some local places you might want to check out."  
  
We follow him aboard the boat and inside the cabin. It's actually roomier than it appears from the outside. Bo gives us a quick tour of the boat and shows us the emergency equipment.  
  
"Well, I guess that's everything. You do remember how to sail, right?" Bo asks anxiously.  
  
"Of course, Uncle Bo. I still remember all the boating lessons you gave me when I was little. Don't worry, I won't get a scratch on her."  
  
We say our goodbyes, tearfully, on some people's parts. Finally everyone is gone and it's just the two of us. Brady wraps his arms around me as I gaze up into his eyes. Excitement and happiness shine on his face, reflecting the emotions I feel.  
  
"So, do you want to go anywhere tonight?" I ask excitedly.  
  
His eyes twinkle with laughter. "Yeah, actually. There's this little secluded cove not far from here. I think it would be nice to get away from the city and civilization."  
  
"Yeah, I want to be alone when I make you mine." I grin deviously.  
  
"Well then we better set sail." He cries dramatically. "Come my love. Our future awaits!" 


	30. Chapter Thirty

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
* I know nothing about sailing or boating or boats - so just pretend I know what I'm talking about.  
  
Chapter Thirty  
  
"It's really something, isn't it?" He says behind me as his arms wrap around me.  
  
"Mm-hmm." I murmur my agreement.  
  
We stand together on the deck of the Fancy Face gazing up at the starlit sky. I have never seen so many stars. The bright lights of the cities I've lived in always made stargazing difficult. But here, away from the lights of Salem, the stars shine clearly against the dark backdrop of space.  
  
Waves lap up against the boat as we sail through the dark waters. What is it about water that is so calming? So peaceful - tranquil. We stand together, my husband and I, and just drink in the beauty around us. No words are spoken, no words are needed. I already know what he's feeling, for I'm feeling it too. The limitless wonder of the night sky that stretches for an eternity and beyond.  
  
"So, um, if you're here, then who's steering the boat?"  
  
I sense, rather than see, the crooked grin that forms on Brady's face. "I've got it on auto-pilot." He replies as he nuzzles my neck.  
  
"Auto-pilot. Right."  
  
"Relax. Sailing a boat isn't like driving a car. As long as there are no other boats around, and you are going in pretty much your intended direction, then you can step away from the helm."  
  
"The helm?" I ask with a broad smile. "Isn't that from Star Trek? 'Data, take the helm.'" I joke in my best Captain Picard impression.  
  
"Ha ha. It's a boating term."  
  
"So um.don't you think you should get back to the 'helm'?"  
  
His light chuckle caresses my neck. "Okay. I just came to inform you that we will be arriving at our destination shortly."  
  
Minutes later, Brady deftly steers us into a small cove. Trees grow closely together on one side of us and there is a small sandy beach. The air is filled with the sounds of the nearby woods; crickets, birds, the light wind blowing through the trees.  
  
"Wow, we must be the only two people around for miles." I exclaim.  
  
"That's the point." Brady answers with a wicked grin and leans forward to kiss my lips. The quick peck grows into a long lingering kiss as his lips dance slowly with mine. Our kiss intensifies and I can feel his fingers playing with my hair, massaging my neck.  
  
"I love you." He whispers in my ear.  
  
I look up and stare into his eyes. They shine so brightly now. They shine with love and happiness. Oh how I wish this moment could last forever. "I love you too."  
  
His eyes twinkle devilishly. "Be right back." And he disappears into the boat's cabin leaving me to wonder what he's up to now. He returns a moment later carrying a blanket, a bottle of champagne, and candles. He spreads the blanket out on the deck and lights the candles. I snuggle down beside him as he uncorks the bottle.  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something?" I ask.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Glasses? Or did you mean for us to drink from the bottle?"  
  
He grins sheepishly. "I couldn't find any wine glasses so.here." He hands me a plain paper cup.  
  
I have to laugh. "Drinking fine champagne out of paper cups. I appreciate the irony." We "clink" our cups together in toast of our wedding.  
  
We shift positions so we can lie on our backs and look at the stars. I snuggle so closely beside Brady that I'm half on top of him. We silently watch the night sky.  
  
It is really beautiful. But I keep getting distracted by the beautiful man next to me. His heart beats in my ear, strong and steady. He smells so nice, like a combination of soap, aftershave, and musk. Intoxicating. As we lie together my fingers absentmindedly run over his chest, playing along the smooth hills and valleys.  
  
I shift so my other hand has easy access to the thick mass of blond hair on his head. I gaze at his handsome features and I can't believe this amazingly wonderful man is my husband. My mind drifts back over our years together. I can't help but wonder at the paths we've taken, where life has taken us. How two people who seemingly couldn't stand each other could wind up in love, married, pledging to spend the rest of their lives together.  
  
But the time for reflection has passed and now my mind is filled with thoughts of a different nature. While my husband continues his stargazing my lips begin to nibble on his warm neck. But Brady is unresponsive to my gentle caress. He's teasing me; I'll just have to try a little harder to get his attention.  
  
"Isn't it amazing?" he asks.  
  
I place soft kisses down his neck.  
  
"All those stars."  
  
My hands slip under his shirt and up his chest.  
  
"Millions of bright, shiny stars."  
  
My lips nuzzle along the hollow of his collarbone.  
  
"The limitless wonder of God's creation."  
  
My lips make their way to his earlobe. I sense Brady succumb to my relentless onslaught.  
  
"Fine," he says with a raspy voice, "Have it your way." His lips come down on mine.  
  
After many minutes of passionate kisses, we come up for air. I caress his cheek with my hand. "I love watching the stars."  
  
He grins again as we resume kissing. "Stars? What stars?"  
  
I take in my reflection in the mirror and try to settle my nerves. I'm in the bathroom, "slipping into something more comfortable." The white satin gown Hope gave me is beautiful and looks lovely on me, but I can't help but be anxious. Will Brady like it? Will he like me?  
  
I've lost a lot of weight recently and my curves aren't what they used to be. In fact it's only with the help of a padded satin bra that I'm able to fill out the gown. I've been able to hide my weight loss under layers of clothing, but this sheer negligee hides nothing. I look thin, gaunt. Sigh. I hope he likes it. I don't think I could bear it to see disgust in his eyes, or worse, pity.  
  
I remove my heavy wedding makeup and touch up my face with just a hint of smoky color on my eyes. I have just a dap of colored lip balm on my lips. I run my fingers through my hair and inspect my appearance once more.  
  
I know I'm being silly and that he loves me. But am I being too selfish to want him to desire me as well? Well, it's now or never.  
  
I step out into the adjoining bedroom and gasp in surprise. The cozy room is lit by candles and classical music plays softly. The bed has been turned down and red rose petals cover the soft sheets.  
  
"Do you like it?" I hear a voice from a corner where Brady stands, eagerly watching my reaction.  
  
"I thought that was my line." I reply and shyly come forward into the light. I lift my eyes to his to judge his reaction.  
  
His eyes devour me hungrily and there is no mistaking the naked desire in the blue depths. They travel up and down, over my body and for a brief moment he resembles a child, who has just been told that he can have any toy he wants. He gazes at me in disbelief, almost like he can't believe his eyes.  
  
He comes forward and his hands reach for my waist. He pulls me to him and I can sense the passion raging through him.  
  
"Chloe, you are so beautiful." He whispers breathlessly before claiming my lips. His arms encircle my waist and his hands travel up my back. He deepens the kiss and a soft moan of pleasure escapes my throat. I am deliriously lost right now in the powerful emotions he has managed to invoke in me. My head spins, reeling from the passion I feel. I barely notice when Brady lifts me up in his arms and carries me to the bed.  
  
I strip his shirt off of him and he stumbles out of his pants. He joins me on the bed, wearing only his boxers. He hovers over me and stares into my eyes.  
  
"I love you."  
  
And you guys are going to have to leave now. See you in the morning! 


	31. Chapter ThirtyOne

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-One  
  
I crack open four large eggs and dump them in the sizzling skillet. Coffee is brewing and I put two slices of wheat bread in the toaster. There is a ridiculously large smile on my face at the moment and I'm having difficulty keeping my mind on the task at hand.  
  
Brady's rich melodious voice floats in from the bathroom. It takes me a few notes to identify the song over the sound of rushing water. Sigh. Puccini. You gotta love a man who sings opera in the shower.  
  
My eyes drift to the clock. 12:30 pm, and we're just getting around to breakfast. We've been up for a few hours now. It's just that we.keep getting.distracted. Not that I mind. I'm still smiling. In fact I don't think this permagrin will ever go away.  
  
I hug my arms around my chest and Brady's scent envelopes me from his shirt that I'm wearing. It's huge and nearly swallows me whole, but I love the way it feels and smells. It's so soft and makes me feel, sexy. My mind drifts back to earlier this morning.  
  
I was beginning to wake up but still in that wonderful state of half awake - half asleep. I remember feeling so blissfully happy right then. It was the best sleep I have ever had. There is nothing like the safe, secure feeling you get from being wrapped in your lover's warm, strong arms.  
  
I gradually became more awake and finally I blinked my eyes open. I looked up to find Brady's eyes smiling down on me. His blue eyes twinkled like a happy little boy's.  
  
"Good morning." He said with a light kiss on my lips.  
  
"Good morning." I replied and stretched lazily in his arms. The previous evening's events flashed in my mind and I smiled dreamily - much the way I'm smiling now.  
  
I never imagined our coming together as husband and wife could be so powerful, so amazing, so liberating. Our lovemaking was so moving and so beautiful that tears slipped from my eyes. Brady was worried though, he was so cute.  
  
"Did I hurt you?" he asked with wide eyes as he wiped the tears from my cheeks.  
  
I just smiled though and shook my head. "Happy tears." I whispered, too moved to say anything else.  
  
It was magical; the culmination of a relationship spanning over two years. This was the moment we had been building to. And now that we have reached it I'm amazed to find that it can only get better from here. We truly have our lives before us - however long they may be.  
  
So that was the FIRST time we made love. Since then we've been behaving like a couple of crazed rabbits - going at it every chance we get. I sigh and shake my head. This poor boat's going to need a LOT of cleaning before we return it to Bo and Hope.  
  
Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind, bringing me out of my thoughts. A pair of soft lips begins nibbling my neck.  
  
"Did you enjoy your shower?"  
  
"mmmhmmm" he replies as his dancing lips travel down the contours of my neck. I grab the counter when he finds that one spot in the crook of my neck.oh my.  
  
His busy, busy hands slip under my shirt. He presses up against me and I'm suddenly aware that my husband is not wearing a stitch of clothing.  
  
"What, again?" I murmur deliriously as he pulls me down to the floor. "Your eggs are burning."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
Breakfast, take two.  
  
The eggs are now a blackened heap in the trashcan and the coffee is cold. I pour milk over my bowl of cereal and shoot a side-glance at Brady. He's smiling at me wickedly and I can already feel my body beginning to warm again.  
  
"You stand over there and keep your hands to yourself." I warn him. "At least let me eat something before you attack me."  
  
But now as I stare into his blue eyes smoldering with desire and my eyes wander over his well-toned and still naked body - it is I who wants to attack him. I inhale my choco-puffs as fast as humanly possible and take a flying heap at my husband.  
  
Later, I disentangle myself from Brady and head towards the small bathroom.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower."  
  
"I think I'll join you."  
  
"You just had a shower."  
  
"And your point would be?"  
  
So the day passes much like this with the two of us cavorting around the boat. We wound up back in bed after deciding to take a nap. Of course we haven't done any sleeping yet.  
  
"At this rate, we're not going to get anything done today." I tell my husband who is currently sucking on my earlobe.  
  
"What's to get done? We're on our honeymoon. We're accomplishing the primary objective."  
  
"Yes but we could do other things. Things that involve wearing clothes and getting out of bed. Like, go for a walk, go swimming. Sail around for a little bit."  
  
Now he's biting my neck. "We can do that tomorrow."  
  
I laugh. "What has come over you?"  
  
"Three years of pent up sexual energy finally being released. The dam has burst - there's no going back." He says as he tickles me with his cruel, teasing fingers.  
  
"Wow. Scary."  
  
"You're telling me." He agrees as he nuzzles my chin. "I promise we will go sailing. Later."  
  
So later, I'm standing on the deck looking out at the water before us. Brady is at the "helm" steering and checking a map. I'm amazed we actually managed to get dressed today. Of course it's after four in the afternoon, but we're making some progress.  
  
It's a beautifully clear day and I've never seen the sky this deep, cobalt shade of blue. The water throws golden sunbeams off of its choppy surface and seagulls circle high above us. I inhale deeply and feel peace and contentment wash over me. What is it about water that is so calming? That's why I love the pier so much. Ever since my first turbulent days in Salem I have loved to just sit on the docks and watch the water in its hypnotic dance.  
  
I look down at my left hand. My engagement ring catches the bright sunlight and reflects it back to me in a thousand sparkling rainbows. I stare in disbelief at my wedding band. I seriously cannot believe that I am married. If you had told me two years ago, or even one year ago that today I would be married to Brady Black I would have told you to seek professional help. But here we are, on our honeymoon. We've come a long way in a very short amount of time.  
  
Was it only a few months ago that I was quarantined in the hospital, sick from countless chemotherapy treatments, feeling like my life was over? I remember Isabella's words to me and the effect they have had on my life. She encouraged me to live my life to the fullest, to enjoy every second that I have here on earth. If it wasn't for her, I might still be in that hospital room, sick and alone.  
  
It's amazing how much life you can pack into a few months. I can hear her musical voice clearly in my mind. I lift my face and thoughts to the sky above me.  
  
"Thank you." I whisper a prayer of gratitude to the spirit I know is somewhere watching over me. Gratitude for peace and guidance, gratitude for bringing Brady and I together, and lastly gratitude for a relatively healthy couple of days.  
  
A gradually darkening sky brings me out of my thoughts. I look at the gathering clouds of gray and turn anxious eyes to Brady. A strong breeze whips my hair around my face.  
  
"Brady, did you check the weather report?" I yell over the wind.  
  
"Yeah, supposed to be clear skies. Must be a freak storm. Hold on, maybe it will just blow right by us." He tries to reassure me and then turns on the radio.  
  
The sky grows darker though at an alarming rate. The gray clouds are now streaked with dark blue. There's a soft rumbling in the distance.  
  
I look back at Brady and my heart drops in sudden dread. I can see it in his large blue eyes without him even saying a word. This storm isn't going anywhere and the few boating lessons Brady had as a child aren't going to help us now.  
  
I look up at the threatening clouds that loom directly over us. A cold dread flows over me and I begin to tremble. And then the storm breaks. 


	32. Chapter ThirtyTwo

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Two  
  
A cold, hard rain pelts me, plastering my shirt around my body. Water runs in rivulets down my bare arms. I stand on the bobbing deck shivering from both physical and emotional shock. I wipe the wet hair out of my eyes and look up at the sky.  
  
What happened? The sky was a gorgeous, deep blue with just a smattering of dark clouds off in the distance. But a strong wind and fifteen minutes later, those same clouds are now unleashing their full fury on us.  
  
Funny, the Fancy Face had seemed so strong before, sturdy and safe. But now, as the wind and waves assail her on all sides, I see how frail and vulnerable she really is. A toy boat in the tempest.  
  
I barely hear Brady's voice over the rushing wind and booming thunder. I turn to see him yelling into the two-way radio. I can only make out snippets of his call for help.  
  
"Hello?.Brady Black.Fancy Face.hello?.Hello? Damn it!" He drops the radio receiver and turns to me. "Radio's out!" he yells. "Looks like we're on our own!"  
  
I slowly make my way over to Brady. The boat lurches, throwing me forward. Brady catches me in his strong arms. I shiver despite the heat that radiates from his body. His blue eyes take in my appearance with worry. I imagine I must resemble a drowned rat.  
  
"You shouldn't be out in this." He tells me.  
  
I sneeze violently, as if proving his point. "All right. Inside. Now. You're going to get sick."  
  
I look up at him. "What are you going to do?"  
  
Brady looks up and studies the clouds. He holds up a hand to shield his face from the rain. "It looks as if the storm's heading north, northeast. I'm going to steer south. With any luck, that will bring us out of this storm soon."  
  
I nod my understanding. I gaze into his face and I'm afraid I can't hide my fear. I hate leaving him alone out here in this violent storm, but what can I do? It's best to get inside where it's safe.  
  
I gently caress his wet cheek. "Be careful."  
  
His somber expression vanishes to be replaced by a cocky grin. "Relax, it's me."  
  
The deck dips and bucks beneath me as I make my way to the cabin. Before opening the door I turn for one last look at Brady. My heart wrenches to see him, alone fighting the storm.  
  
He struggles to change the boat's coarse, but the full-blown sails won't budge. (A/N: Did I mention that I know nothing about boats?)  
  
The storm appears to have redoubled its vicious onslaught as we are battered by a whipping wind and a hard rain that steals the breath out of our lungs. I turn my head when a large whap! sound strikes my ear. One of the sails has become untied and now flaps in the wind. Brady runs for the sail's ropes, sliding on the wet deck. I watch him strain to control the sail and it hits me. He can't do it alone.  
  
I run as fast as I can on the violently rocking deck. I grab the thick rope and join Brady in his efforts.  
  
"What are you doing?" he grunts with panting breath. "Get inside where it's safe!"  
  
"No!" I yell back, the wind stealing my words as I utter them. "I won't leave you!" We struggle for balance when a large wave tilts the boat at an impossible angle. "Besides, I won't be any safer inside if the boat capsizes, or sinks!"  
  
I struggle to get a grip on the rope. It's at once slick and rough. It rubs my fingers raw as it slides through them. But together we manage to get the sail under control. I hold the rope steady as Brady ties it back down.  
  
A large wave crashes over the side of the boat. I look down at the icy water covering our ankles.  
  
"The storm's getting worse!" Brady yells. "We have to find a way to change course." He takes hold of the sail's frame. "Maybe I can change it manually." He pushes against the frame, grunting with the extreme exertion. But again, it won't budge.  
  
He points to the helm. "Try to steer while I push."  
  
I run to the helm, which is like a large wooden wheel sticking up out of the deck - just like in the movies I've seen. (A/N: I know you're laughing at me. Remind me to never write about boats again.)  
  
I study the wheel. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I grab onto two of the spokes and pull in the direction Brady was pulling earlier.  
  
"On three!" Brady yells. "One, two, three!"  
  
I pull with every ounce of strength my weakened muscles have. Brady pushes against the large frames, muscles straining and rippling with the effort. For long, agonizing seconds, nothing seems to happen. My arm muscles scream in protest of their poor treatment. But I can't stop.  
  
Finally though, our efforts are rewarded. The wheel begins to give way, slowly at first, but faster every second. I hear Brady's shout of triumph as the sails rotate and the Fancy Face changes course. Brady runs over to me and grabs the wheel to make sure we stay on course.  
  
The boat is slow to move in its new direction. It now has to fight against the strong current and choppy waves. I grab tightly onto Brady's arm as the boat dips into a deep valley. I take another look at the dark sky. The vicious clouds stretch forever, filling the sky. Despite the storm's speed and our course change, it will take us a while to get through it.  
  
Brady presses the accelerator. "Come on, just a little faster." A loud, choking, puttering sound fills the air and I fear things have just gotten worse. I see the "oops" expression that comes over his face and I KNOW things have just gotten worse.  
  
"What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my voice light. I can tell that the boat is no longer moving under it's own power.  
  
"I think I flooded the engine." He tries several times to restart it, filling the air with curses I've never even heard as he does so. "I'm going to have to fix it. Be right back." He runs into the cabin and returns with a tool kit. I follow him to the front of the boat and he gives me a flashlight. He lifts up a panel in the deck revealing the Fancy Face's engines below. I shine the flashlight on the engine as he begins work.  
  
Minutes pass and I have no idea what he's doing. I can't even change a car tire; this is certainly beyond me. He looks up finally and wipes the rain from his eyes.  
  
"Go try the engine."  
  
I run back to the helm and try to start it. Nothing.  
  
"Okay, wait. Now try."  
  
I try it again and the boat roars to life. Yes! I throw my arms up in relief and celebration. Brady is heading toward me when the boat again dips wildly. I clutch the helm for support as the boat tilts insanely. Just as I begin to breathe calmly again I see a giant wave forming. It rises higher and higher, now reaching 10 feet above the deck. It crashes down on the boat with an unbelievable force. The boat shakes under the blow. My heart freezes as I see the solid wall of water heading toward me. The wave knocks the breath out of my lungs as it slams into my body.  
  
No! My fingers are slipping. I've lost hold of the wheel. The water is carrying me away and we're swiftly reaching the edge of the boat. I try to swim, but I'm too weak. A thousand separate currents pull at me, pulling me under. I can just hear Brady's cry as I disappear over the side into the murky depths below.  
  
Come on, Chloe, swim! But I panic in the icy water. Arms and legs flail wildly. My body grows heavier by the second. Water soaks into my clothes, saturates my hair. Hair in my eyes, I can't see. Waves crash upon me. I am tossed about in the wildly churning water. I am rammed into the side of the boat. I gasp suddenly from the impact and water fills my lungs. Coughing, sputtering, my mind spinning, I fade, sinking into watery nothing. 


	33. Chapter ThirtyThree

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Three  
  
"Do you see the woman in the bright red dress? Her name is Carmen and the song she's singing is called an aria." The little girl squirms on her daddy's lap, blue eyes wide as she listens intently, attention riveted to the stage before her. Birth of a dream.  
  
"I'm so sorry, but your parents were in an accident. They're dead." The little girl, older now, nods her understanding; her eyes filled with unshed tears. Death of innocence.  
  
"There's someone I want you to meet. This is Nancy Wesley. She is your mother." The wary teenager stares at the redheaded woman in front of her, eyes unblinking behind her glasses. A second chance.  
  
Visions whirl through my mind, a kaleidoscope of brilliant memory. I remember; the sweetness of my first kiss, dancing with Brady, shopping with Belle, talking with Nancy.  
  
They're coming faster now, so many of them from this last year.  
  
"I have leukemia, Brady. I have cancer."  
  
The blood drains from his face and his tanned skin is now a sickly gray. He stares at me, his blue eyes portraying utter disbelief.  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
I cup his face with my hands. "I have cancer, Brady. It's why I've been so sick."  
  
I hear his rich voice, thick with emotion. "I love you, Chloe."  
  
"I love you too, Brady." No other words are needed as he presses his lips to mine. His kiss is gentle and tender, filled with so much love that I'm astonished when tears slip from my eyes. All other thoughts fly from my brain and there is only this one sublime moment, frozen in eternity when our lips our joined and our hearts beat as one.  
  
Isabella looked at me seriously and I knew she was trying to tell me something very important. "You have a choice to make." She began to fade.  
  
"What choice?" I called out to her retreating form.  
  
"You'll know when it comes." Her voice grew fainter as once again I was enveloped in a white light. Her last words echoed out to me and engraved themselves on my heart. "Some things are more important than life."  
  
Brady sits on the worn leather couch, his broad back to me. His shoulders are hunched and trembling and he cradles his head in his hands. He inhales quivering, jagged breaths and the realization hits me like a wall of ice water. He's crying. Brady is crying.  
  
I watch my soul mate cry silent tears and my soul cries with him. I've never seen him cry. He's always been my rock, my anchor. Tears slide out of my eyes and guilt stabs my heart. I'm doing this to him, causing him this pain. He shudders as a deep sob racks his body and I bite my lips to stifle my answering cry. He clutches something in his hands and from time to time he looks at it causing his weeping to increase.  
  
I don't know how long it is that I stand there, crying with my love. I'm spell bound by his display of grief. Finally I hear a croaked whisper from his lips. A desperate plea from a broken man.  
  
"please God. don't let her die."  
  
His beautifully simple prayer causes a choking sob to erupt from deep within my throat. I can't take it any longer. I run over to him and throw myself into his arms. He crushes me in his arms and holds me tightly to him as he unleashes his pent-up sorrow into my neck. He cries openly now, small strangled moans escaping his lips. He pleads in my ear, reminding me of a lost little boy looking for his mom.  
  
"please don't leave me."  
  
"I won't. I promise I will never leave you."  
  
And I won't. Not while I yet live. And not when I'm gone.  
  
"If we had all the time in the world, I would still want to spend every moment of it with you, by your side, loving you. (sighs) Chloe, I don't know what the future holds. Tomorrow isn't promised to you. Hell, it isn't promised to me. All that is promised us is this one moment, and I don't want to go another moment without showing you how much I love you." Liquid pools in his eyes and he blinks rapidly. He clears his throat and continues, his voice thick with the sadness he feels.  
  
"Chloe, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But, if that's not possible, if.if I can't have that, then.will you let me share the rest of your life with you? Will you let me love you, while there's still time?" He asks and tears run freely down his face. I cup his face in my hands and nod weakly.  
  
"Yes, Brady. I will." I cry tears of joy and pain and we hug each other fiercely, once again releasing our pent-up fears in each other's arms. Minutes pass and then slowly our lips find their way to each other and unite in a powerful kiss unlike any we've ever experienced. It's sad, at first, but then grows in love and joy.  
Brady caresses my cheek and wipes away a stray tear with his thumb. I smile at the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes. "Chloe Michele Lane, I promise to love you, to cherish you, to understand you, to forgive you, to free you, and to remember you for now and all eternity."  
  
"Brady Victor Black, I promise to love you, to cherish you, to understand you, to forgive you, to free you, and to remember you for now and all eternity."  
  
We manage to exchange rings despite our shaking hands and the minister pronounces us Husband and Wife. Brady's lips settle softly on mine amid the cheers (and a few whistles) from the crowd. I feel it now, in this kiss, the joining of our souls.  
  
We are one.  
My heart freezes as I see the solid wall of water heading toward me. The wave knocks the breath out of my lungs as it slams into my body.  
  
The water is carrying me away and we're swiftly reaching the edge of the boat. I try to swim, but I'm too weak. A thousand separate currents pull at me, pulling me under. I can just hear Brady's cry as I disappear over the side into the murky depths below.  
  
I panic in the icy water. Arms and legs flail wildly. My body grows heavier by the second. Water soaks into my clothes, saturates my hair. Hair in my eyes, I can't see. Waves crash upon me. I am tossed about in the wildly churning water. I am rammed into the side of the boat. I gasp suddenly from the impact and water fills my lungs. Coughing, sputtering, my mind spinning, I fade, sinking into watery nothing.  
  
So this is death. My life flashing before my eyes and all that. The visions fade and I find myself floating in a large expanse of water. Just like the night of the Last Blast dance when I passed out, I am transparent, a ghost image.  
  
I look down to see my real body hanging limply in the water. I have no idea how far beneath the surface we are. I guess it doesn't matter.  
  
There seems to be a glowing light in front of me, growing larger and brighter by the second. The light dissolves into an image of a beautiful dark-haired woman.  
  
"Isabella."  
  
The shimmering spirit smiles.  
  
"It's been a while." I remark.  
  
"Yes, it has." Her lilting voice sounds in my ear.  
  
A mirthless laugh spills from my lips. "I'm on my honeymoon. It didn't quite turn out the way I had planned."  
  
Her smile grows sad. "Life rarely does, Chloe."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you'd know about that." I pause. "I'm dying, aren't I?"  
  
"Yes, you are. But you aren't dead yet. There's still something you must do." Isabella begins to fade.  
  
"Wait!" I call out after her, reaching out my hand. "What am I supposed to do?"  
  
The only answer is her voice in my head. "You know, Venice is lovely this time of year."  
  
I'm still pondering her cryptic message when something warm, and solid latches onto my hand.  
  
It's a warm sunny day and the cry of seagulls is in the air. My lover's lips caress mine. Mmm. I suddenly feel the need to cough. My eyes fly open and I sit upright as fluid gushes out of my mouth. Brady pats my back as I cough violently.  
  
"Oh, thank God, Chloe. That's it, get it all out." His relieved voice is shaky with emotion. "I thought I'd lost you."  
  
It takes a couple of minutes to get all the seawater out of my lungs. I collapse into Brady's arms, completely exhausted. He holds me tightly to him and his heart pounds erratically in my ear. He breathes loudly and rapidly, still trying to catch his breath. There are beads of saltwater all over his skin.  
  
"I thought I had lost you." He repeats softly.  
  
"But you found me." I reassure him. "You grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the water."  
  
"No, it was you who grabbed me. I couldn't find you." He begins, and I can hear the pain in his voice. "The storm and the waves made it impossible to swim and the churning water was impossible to see in. I was swimming blind. I don't know how many minutes passed - it felt like forever. I had pushed my lungs beyond their limits and was on my way to the surface when your hand brushed against me. I have never been so relieved. Chloe if I hadn't felt your hand, I might not have ever found you. I almost can't believe you're here, in my arms."  
  
Brady sighs and collapses on the deck. We lie together looking up at the blue sky. Blue sky. Wait a minute.  
  
"The storm! It's gone?!" I sit up and look around at the sky. The dark gray clouds are already well off in the distance.  
  
Brady sits up beside me and we both stare at the retreating clouds.  
  
"Amazing, isn't it? We weathered the storm." 


	34. Chapter ThirtyFour

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Four  
  
"Hey, that one looks like a gondola."  
  
"Looks like a cloud to me," Brady teases.  
  
"Ha ha. Come here, funny guy." I pull him to me for a long, amazing kiss.  
  
We're lying on a small sandy beach in the cove. Since the storm a few days ago, we've hardly left the safety of the cove at all, and then only for a few hours at a time. Neither of us feels like risking another storm.  
  
But even though we're not sailing that much, we're still having a wonderful time. The cove is a beautiful place. We've been hiking through the forest, swimming in the water, and now just lounging on the beach. It's an gorgeous, warm sunny day. The sky is a deep blue with just a few fluffy white clouds floating by. My head rests in the crook of Brady's arm and we just lie together, watching the clouds drift by.  
  
"This has been a pretty nice honeymoon, almost dying not withstanding," Brady says.  
  
I laugh. "Yeah, just think of the story we'll have to tell when we get back home."  
  
"I don't know though, I think most of the people in Salem almost died on their honeymoons. I mean, Dad was kidnapped and held captive on a submarine on his honeymoon with Marlena."  
  
"Hmmm, kinda makes our storm seem like no biggie."  
  
"Well, it's still a biggie to me." Brady says as he tightens his arm around me. "I almost lost you."  
  
Sadness washes over me with his words. If this is how he's reacting now, how will he take it when he does lose me? I may not have died during the storm, but I'm still dying. I almost wish I had died then; he wouldn't have to deal with what's coming.  
  
Brady notices my somber expression. "Hey, cheer up. We're both okay - we made it. I told you I'd get you to the beach."  
  
I look at him. "What?"  
  
"Remember? Your list? You had a list of things you wanted to do and going to the beach was one of them."  
  
"Oh wow, you're right! I had completely forgotten." I pause in thought. "Whatever happened to that list anyway?"  
  
Brady scrambles to his feet. "Be back in a sec." I watch as my husband disappears into the boat. He comes back a few minutes later. "Voila." He says as he hands me a small notebook. He crashes down onto the sand beside me.  
  
"Wow, I'm glad you kept it. I had forgotten it completely."  
  
"Of course I kept it. We got quite a lot of them done."  
  
I scroll through the list, remembering that beautiful day when we created the list. I had just come out of the hospital and Brady took me on a picnic in a secluded forest clearing. He turned to me after we had finished eating. He asked what I wanted to do with my time.  
  
"So what would you like to do? Any dreams you want to fulfill? Goals to accomplish? Anything. I am completely at your disposal. I mean, you don't have school, I don't have work - we need to do something to fill our time." He cracks with a wide smile.  
  
"Hmmm," I ponder. I start by thinking of the things I wanted to do while I was locked up in the hospital. "I know! I want to go bowling again. I want to kick your butt just once." I grin mischievously.  
  
"Everyone should have a dream." He quips back. He pulls out a small note pad and a pen and begins making notes. "# 1 - bowling. Next?"  
  
"Um. I'd like to have another slumber party with Belle."  
  
"Okay, # 2 - slumber party."  
  
"You know, I'd like to complete our 'date' at the movies that Phillip ruined. We never did get to see our movie." I point out.  
  
"Alright - movie date. What else?"  
  
"Oooh!" I exclaim with a gasp. "You know what I've always wanted to do? Roller skating!" I cry excitedly.  
  
He rolls his eyes and groans. "Welcome to the 8th grade." He quips. "Okay, fine. Roller skating." He mutters.  
  
"There's also my 18th birthday, but that's still a few months away. Um, I'd like to go to the beach - I've never been."  
  
"The beach huh? We're smack dab in the middle of the country and you want to go to the beach. You're gonna have to make do with one of the Great Lakes."  
  
We continue on and by the time we're finished we have a pretty sizeable list. I remember one last thing and write at the bottom of the list "Promise." Some things I'll never get to accomplish, like singing at the Met and getting into Julliard, but they are still my dreams and I'm going to keep pushing toward them.  
  
I wonder what to call my list when the words come to me. At the top of the paper I write  
  
Things to do Before I die  
  
"Okay, so we can cross off what we've done. Bowling."  
  
"That was fun."  
  
Brady smiles at me. "Yes it was. You did your slumber party with Belle, we completed our movie date, we went ice skating instead of roller skating."  
  
"That was wonderful - we were the only ones on the rink. We danced and sang - wonderful."  
  
"And now we're at the beach. Hmmm, there are a couple of things we didn't get to. Julliard, singing at the Met, hey, do you still want to have your 'non-morbid pre-death funeral'?" He points to the item on the list: funeral.  
  
I'd forgotten that one. "Uh, no. I don't think that's a good idea now. Besides, it was mainly to be a celebration of my life, and we've done a lot of that lately what with my birthday and our wedding. So, I'm good."  
  
"Good, I didn't even know how we were going to pull that one off."  
  
"We also did a lot of things that weren't on the list, like getting married, our honeymoon, almost dying."  
  
Brady laughs. "Well, when you put it that way, we've accomplished quite a bit. Hey, what's this?" He points to the last item on the list, 'Promise'.  
  
I smile as I remember. "You'll see."  
  
"Okay - so about these other things. We may not get to do them. Are you okay with that?"  
  
I reach up to cup his face. "Brady, right now I'm doing the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life. Being with you, by your side, is the most important thing on my 'to-do' list."  
  
"I'll second that." He says with a sexy grin as he pulls me against him. We lie on the soft sand as he kisses me powerfully. He caresses my cheek and his fingers play in my hair. He deepens the kiss and another wave of sadness washes over me.  
  
My time is running out; I can feel it. I'm not going to be with Brady much longer. I won't get to feel his lips on mine, his fingers in my hair, his sweet sweet caress. What if, what if this is our last time together? I throw my arms around Brady and hold him tightly to me. I'm never going to let go.  
  
He sucks on my neck and I lose myself in this moment. I vow to enjoy our time together, however little that remains.  
  
"Hey, why don't we continue this on the boat?" I ask, my voice a husky whisper. "You know how sand gets in everywhere."  
  
He breaks his kiss, blue eyes glossy with love and passion. "Good point," he rasps.  
  
We stand to our feet and head toward the boat. I haven't taken four steps though when a sharp, hot pain shoots up my legs. I stand unsteadily for a second and my legs tremble. My legs give out beneath me, and with an explosion of pain I collapse onto the sand.  
  
"Brady!" Panic seizes me and it's all I can do to breathe. Oh God, my legs hurt so bad. I've never felt such pain. What's happening to me?  
  
Brady rushes to me, fear evident in his eyes. "Chloe, what's wrong?"  
  
I try to calm myself enough to answer. Tears slip from my eyes. "My legs! Oh God, Brady, I can't move my legs!" I hyperventilate from the intense pain and overwhelming panic. I broke my arm once when I was little. That was nothing compared to the sharp, throbbing pain I feel now.  
  
Brady just stands there, looking at me helplessly as if wondering what to do. But he takes action and gathers me up in his arms. He fairly runs to the boat. "It's okay, Chloe. It's going to be okay." He tries to soothe me, but I can barely hear his words over the pounding of my heart.  
  
"It hurts so much, Brady." I cry, almost pleading with him to make it stop.  
  
He lays me on the bed and examines my sporadically twitching legs. "Is something broken?"  
  
"I.I don't know, maybe. I just suddenly got this pain in my legs and then it was like I couldn't walk anymore. Brady, it hurts so much."  
  
"I know Chloe. Just hang on for me. I'm going to check for bleeding." He examines my legs again. "Good, no bleeding.oh my God, Chloe."  
  
I focus through the pain - it seems to be lessening somewhat. "What is it?"  
  
I look at my legs. They are rapidly turning purple as hundreds of tiny bruises become visible. I look up at Brady's face for answers. The color has fled from his face; he looks gray, like death.  
  
"I'm getting you back home to Salem." He gives me some pain relievers. "Take this and stay here. Don't move your legs."  
  
Hours later Brady is carrying me into the emergency room at Salem University Hospital. Craig meets us followed by a hysterical Nancy.  
  
"Brady, what happened? Chloe, are you okay? Craig, what's wrong?"  
  
Craig however remains calm. Only his warm brown eyes reveal his worry. "In here, Brady." We follow Craig into an examining room.  
  
Time passes and Craig performs tests, followed by X-rays, followed by more tests. Finally he has answers for us.  
  
He hands me two X-rays. "See these lines? They are what's causing the pain in your legs. You have a hairline fracture in both of your legs."  
  
"My legs are broken?"  
  
"Yes. I'm afraid I expected this. The cancer has spread to such a degree that your bones are extremely weak. They can no longer support your body weight. Now the bones have set and are healing normally. You should be able to move your legs again shortly. However, you will need to use a wheelchair from now on. And you will need to be very careful. Your bones aren't as strong as they used to be."  
  
I turn to the others in the room. "Mom, Brady, would you wait outside for a minute?" The two leave the room and I turn to Craig. "The leukemia, it's in the final stages, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"So how much time do I have?"  
  
Craig smiles sadly. "A couple of weeks."  
  
Craig goes to get me a wheelchair and Brady comes back into the room. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.  
  
"It's bad, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, it is." I sigh and gaze up into his brave, sad eyes. "I don't have much time left, Brady."  
  
His voice cracks, betraying the depth of his pain. "Yeah, I kinda figured that."  
  
"Craig wants to keep me here, so he can monitor my condition."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I can't stay here, Brady, waiting to die. I want to make a trip, one last trip."  
  
Brady smiles. "I think I can manage that. Where do you want to go?"  
  
"I hear Venice is lovely this time of year." 


	35. Chapter ThirtyFive

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Five  
  
"Wow - it's.breathtaking." I'm simply blown away by the spectacular view before us.  
  
"It certainly is." Brady agrees as he comes up behind me. He massages my neck and shoulders as we take in the scenery.  
  
"I can't believe your father got us this beautiful suite. The balcony view alone is worth the price of the room. I could stay out here forever."  
  
When Brady and I decided on this trip we had wanted to leave immediately. We didn't want to waste any of the little time we have left. But we couldn't leave without saying goodbye. After all, this would be the last trip I would make. Also arrangements had to be made: where we would stay, how we would get here, how we would pay for everything.  
  
But John took that burden off our shoulders and took care of everything. He flew us over in his jet and he's paying for everything. He even booked us this wonderful room in a small villa outside Venice.  
  
Of all of our family, he was the most understanding of our decision. I guess it's because of his own experience with Isabella.  
  
Isabella. This was the place in my dream, wasn't it? I remember sleeping at Brady's loft and Isabella visited me in a dream. We were standing on a balcony - this balcony - looking over the same incredible view. That's what she had been trying to tell me in the dream. She wanted me to come here. She's been guiding me here all along, but why? I guess so I could have the same magical experience she did. Here Brady and I can be alone and focus on loving each other. Here, we will make memories to last a lifetime, to sustain Brady after I am gone.  
  
Oh but saying goodbye was hard. How do you look in the eyes of someone who's been your best friend, or your mother, or your father and tell them goodbye, knowing that it's the last time you will ever see them? There were many hugs and many tears when we left. God, it hurts just thinking about it.  
  
So I will focus on the present and the incredible view in front of me. I come out of my thoughts and hear Brady's rich voice.  
  
"Well, I'm afraid I can't stay out here forever. A man's gotta eat. Besides, Venice is even more beautiful. So what do you say? Dinner at a nice restaurant, strolling through the streets of Venice, the music, the lights."  
  
"Okay, I'm sold," I say, laughing. "Just let me get changed." I maneuver my power wheelchair into our suite.  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
"I can manage," I reply as I close the door behind me. I have to say, the absolute worst part of this entire illness is being stuck in this stupid wheelchair. I feel like I'm wearing a gigantic neon sign reading "Fragile, handle with care - sick person coming through." I can't stand the pity that appears in people's eyes when they look at me. Many times, people avert their eyes altogether, as if I don't even exist. Come on, I'm not dead yet.  
  
Okay, yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. It's this stupid chair. Yes, it's top of the line and all that, but I still can't quite control it. I swear, if I ram my toes into one more wall, I will scorch the air with my curses.  
  
And the worst offender is Brady. He's being sweet, he really is. He's so helpful; won't let me lift a finger, and HE'S DRIVING ME MAD! I just want it to be like it was before, like on our honeymoon. I want him to be my husband, my lover. Not my nursemaid.  
  
So I have to prove to him, and myself, that I can do the little things like getting dressed without any help. This is proving to be easier said than done. Getting my shirt off was no problem. But it took me a while to wiggle my legs out of my jeans. I should be grateful that I'm not actually paralyzed - I can move my legs, I can even stand on them a little. This would be impossible otherwise.  
  
I've selected a beautiful black dress with spaghetti straps and a lace shawl. The dress slides on with relative ease. I stand a little in the chair and pull the dress down my hips and my legs. I plop back into the chair, breathing heavily from the exertion. Okay, I did it. I'm dressed. I finish the ensemble with a pair of dangly diamond earrings - a gift from my husband.  
  
Darn it. I dropped one of the earrings on the floor. I think I can reach it. I lean over the side and stretch as far as I can. Almost.. I stretch further and the wheelchair begins to shake. Just a little more.. WHOA! The chair tilts and I'm balanced precariously on one wheel.  
  
"Aaaah!" I scream as the wheelchair topples over. I'm now lying face down in plush carpet.  
  
Brady rushes in the room. "Chloe, are you okay?" He helps me up and I can tell by his expression that he's trying valiantly not to laugh.  
  
"Go ahead and laugh. I can tell you want to." I smile sheepishly as he gets me settled back in my chair.  
  
Brady grins and takes a chair beside me. "I'm not going to laugh. Nor will I say 'I told you so.'" His face grows serious. "You know, Chloe, it's okay to need help. When I was in my wheelchair."  
  
"You didn't want help either." I remind him. "In fact you yelled at anyone who tried to help you."  
  
"Well, yes, but I was an ass then. I've learned since then that needing help doesn't make you weak. If anything Chloe, you appear even stronger to me now than you ever have before. Let me help you. I want to."  
  
"I know. I'm just afraid that you won't.desire me anymore. That after dressing me, and bathing me and all that you won't want to make love to me."  
  
"That could never happen."  
  
"Okay, but I don't you to be afraid of hurting me. I'm a little weaker now, but I'm not that weak. I can still. do things." I say with a suggestive smile.  
  
Brady's eyes smolder and he fairly growls as he kisses my lips. "Well we'll just see what you can do.when we get back."  
  
"That has got to be the best meal I have ever had."  
  
Brady nods. "Definitely yummy."  
  
We're strolling along the streets of Venice. Well, Brady's strolling, I'm rolling, he he. The stars shine brightly and there's a warm breeze. I'm amazed to find so few people around. It's a beautiful night. The air is so fresh and I can smell flowers. It's the kind of moment where you just want to close your eyes and breathe it all in. As if you can breathe in peace, and tranquility and make them a part of you. A moment where you feel bigger than you are, a part of something more.  
  
Brady's fingers brush my hand. My fingers instinctively wrap around his and we hold hands as we wordlessly travel down the street. No words are needed right now. We're both too busy just living in the moment. Brady's thumb caresses the back of my hand as we walk. It's quiet, but yet it's not. Night birds sing and crickets can just be heard over the hum of my wheelchair. Mating calls. Nature's last song before closing for the winter.  
  
Brady breaks the silence, his voice sounds unnaturally loud after the quiet. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" His voice sounds strange. His common question lacks the lightheartedness it usually has.  
  
"Not since leaving the restaurant." I reply in a like manner.  
  
"I do love you," he says, keeping his face turned away. His voice, while clear, has gravelly edges.  
  
I squeeze his hand. "I know."  
  
We continue in silence for who knows how long. Time has no meaning right now. I look at the man beside me and I can't tell you how long we've been in love. How long we've known each other. It feels like forever and yet, like we've only just met. I shake my head in wonder at the events that have transpired to bring us together. Me, finding my birth mother after fifteen years and being brought to Salem, where I would become best friends with Brady's sister, and where I would date Brady's uncle.  
  
Brady and I, we were so alike then, when we first met. But we didn't know it, or at least, we wouldn't acknowledge it. We were both wounded and angry, trying to hide our true selves. Brady hid behind his anger that attacked any who tried to get close to him. I hid behind my "love" for Phillip, that blinded me to the true love that was right in front of me.  
  
It's funny. We hated each other then, couldn't stand each other. We fought every time we came within 15 feet of each other. Yet we couldn't stop spending time together. Like moths drawn to a flame. We knew it was dangerous; we couldn't hide around the other. But we couldn't stay away from each other. I guess we were tired of hiding.  
  
I can't believe so much has happened in such a short amount of time. It's like, once we finally admitted our love to each other, our lives just fell in place. It's been such a natural progression to this point, where we walk the streets of Venice; wedding bands on our clasped fingers.  
  
Yes, my illness played a role. But I still believe that we would have eventually wound up here; it just wouldn't have been so soon. I look up at my husband's face in amazement. It's like I can actually feel his presence beside me. I am suddenly aware of a simple truth. Simple but blindingly obvious. Brady and I were meant to be. We are meant to be. So much has conspired to bring us together to this point; I can't believe that it will end soon.  
  
Well, maybe I am being too hopeful, too optimistic. If so, then it's a nice feeling. I haven't felt this way in a long time. Brady and I were brought together, to this place for a reason. Maybe it is so just so that Brady and I will know love before I die. But I still feel better about it now. Knowing that we're here for a reason. We were brought together for a reason.  
  
We suddenly find ourselves in front of a large, classically styled building. I've seen pictures of it before. It's.  
  
"The Venice Opera House," I murmur in amazement. I've always dreamed of being here one day, singing to a sold out crowd of thousands.  
  
We go up to the entrance. Unfortunately, there are no performances scheduled for several weeks. The building looks closed. My eyes are drawn to a large poster and I gasp in amazement.  
  
"Oh, look, it's Nadia Bjorlin. She's coming here?! I can't believe it! When are the performance dates? Oh." Her concert won't be for another month. I stare up at the larger than life portrait. I probably won't be here then.  
  
"Nadia Bjorlin. Refresh my memory; she is.?"  
  
"You know. She's the rising opera/movie star that I'm constantly raving about. I just bought her CD. She's the daughter of Ulf Bjorlin."  
  
"Oh, right, the composer. Wow, she's beautiful." He catches my narrowed eyes. "But not as beautiful as you," he amends.  
  
"Good save." I continue staring at her picture as feelings of admiration of envy battle inside me. We're so alike, but she's making her dreams come true. I'm not going to get that chance. I don't even notice when Brady slips away. I'm just wondering where he went when he comes back, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Okay, let's go," he says as he begins leading me to the entrance.  
  
My mouth falls open when he opens the door. "Brady, we can't go in there!" I whisper out of fear of being caught.  
  
"Don't worry; everything's taken care of. Come on."  
  
I reluctantly follow him into the building and down the aisles as we make our way toward the stage.  
  
"Okay, now what? What are we doing here, Brady?" I ask as we stand on the softly lit stage.  
  
"Remember your list? Well, it's not the Met, but I think it will do."  
  
"You want me to sing? Here? Now?"  
  
"Can you think of a better time or place? Come on, Chloe, this is about fulfilling your dreams, your goals. Besides, I paid the janitor twenty bucks to let us in, so you have to sing."  
  
"Yeah, I guess I do. I have a promise to keep. Do you remember, Brady, that night you saved me from the two guys who attacked me on the street?"  
  
Brady shudders with the memory. "Yeah," he answers simply.  
  
"You had taken me to a park, so we could both calm our nerves. We talked about singing, and other things, and I made you a promise. I promised that to pay you back for rescuing me, I would sing for you, with the same openness and passion that you sang for me."  
  
Brady smiles, his eyes faraway and distant. "So that's the 'promise' that was on your list."  
  
"Yes. So it looks like I'll be able to take care of both things at once."  
  
"So what are you going to sing for me?"  
  
I rack my mind for a suitable song, but only one comes to mind. It's perfect. I look into my husband's big beautiful eyes and smile sadly.  
  
"I don't have much time, Brady. Sometimes I wonder if you really get that. You have this look in your eyes, like you're still expecting a miracle. I don't know that we'll get that miracle. I don't know what the future holds, Brady. I might leave you. And I need to know that you'll be okay, when I'm gone. That you'll go on with your life. That you'll live again, be happy again, love again." My eyes fill with tears and he takes my hands in his.  
  
I continue as I gaze up into his face. "I'm keeping my promise. Now I want you to make one too. Promise me that your life won't end with mine. That's all I ask. And that, once in a while, you'll think of me."  
  
I inhale a deep, calming breath and sing from the heart. My voice rises and fills the air. It's beautiful; there has never been such pure emotion in my song before. I can see it in his face when I sing. This is what he has been talking about, what had been missing from my singing. I did it. I broke through my walls and I'm finally expressing myself, completely to Brady.  
  
My eyes shine with joy for the beauty of this sublime moment. My words pour from my mouth and I know I'm speaking directly to his soul. I know he understands.  
  
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye  
  
Remember me once in a while  
  
Please promise me you'll try  
  
When you find that, once again, you long to take your heart back and be free If you ever find a moment spare a thought for me  
  
We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea But if you can still remember stop and think of me  
  
Think of all the things we've shared and seen Don't think about the things which might have been  
  
Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind  
  
Recall those days, look back on all those times Think of the things we'll never do There will never be a day when I won't think of you  
  
We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea But please promise me that sometimes you will think of me"  
  
My final notes hang suspended in the air, and then there is silence. A moment passes and then two, as we struggle to come back to the present. Brady comes forward and wrapping his arms around me, lifts me out of the chair. He spins me around the room and I can feel the pride and happiness radiating from him.  
  
"You did it! Chloe, that was amazing, unbelievable! You actually did it. You connected your voice to your emotions. That was music, Chloe. It was magic."  
  
I smile, wrapped up in his warm embrace. "You were right Brady. Remember? You said that singing like that was the closest you could think of to making love." I can feel the blush on my cheeks as I look at him coyly. "You were right."  
  
He kisses me suddenly and my head reels. Strong emotions whirl through me. I feel so free right now, so alive. We kiss and I am consumed with passion. I have truly broken down all the walls that were inside of me.  
  
"I love you, Brady," I moan as I pull him closer to me.  
  
"How fast can we get back to the hotel?" is his muffled reply. 


	36. Chapter ThirtySix

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Six  
  
"We really need to decide on a name. These cute little terms of endearment we've been using aren't going to cut it when she's older." My husband reminds me.  
  
I gaze upon the beautiful, wriggling baby in my arms. She stares back at me with her blue eyes wide open. I caress the soft cap of black hair on her head. How is it possible that something that came from me, from my body can be this beautiful? I kiss her tiny little fingers and her face lights up with joy.  
  
"How about. Victoria Isabella?" I ask, my eyes never leaving my daughter's face.  
  
Brady considers it. "I like it. It's a mouthful though. A bit much for everyday use. Vicki for short?"  
  
Ugh. Brady laughs at my expression of disgust. "Okay, fine. What about.Tori?"  
  
"Tori Black. I like it." I smile as he leans down to kiss me.  
  
My dream switches to another scene. I exit a building to find a throng of people waiting for me. Cries of 'Miss Lane! I love you, Lane!' greet my ears. Cameras flash rapidly, almost blinding me, but I'm used to it. I flash a dazzling smile to the crowd of admirers and pose for pictures. I sign a couple of cds for the closest fans and wave to the crowd as my bodyguard leads me to the waiting limo.  
  
I exhale a relieved breath once inside the sanctity of my limo. My bodyguard/manager/accountant smiles at me as he pulls out a notebook.  
  
"So what's next on the agenda?" I ask with a wry smile. My day has already been so busy, and I'm not even halfway through.  
  
"Well, next is the sound check. Then at four you have your interview. After that, a photo shoot and autograph session. And then the concert this evening and have I told you today how beautiful you are?"  
  
I smile deviously. "Why no, Mr. Black, I don't believe you have."  
  
Brady pulls me into his arms. "Really? Well, Miss Lane, allow me to rectify my little.oversight." He kisses me passionately and all the nervous tension just melts off my body.  
  
He nibbles on my neck and I sigh. "You know I hate it when you use my professional name," I remind him.  
  
He grins wickedly at me. "My apologies, Mrs. Black," he says as his lips again make their way to mine.  
  
I see the chauffeur in the rearview mirror as he shakes his head as if to say "here they go again." He presses a button and disappears from view as the dividing wall rolls up.  
  
"So, when's my next appointment?"  
  
I flutter my eyes open and yawn as I become more awake. Pale sunlight pours in through the window and I can hear birds chirping outside. I stretch lazily in the bed, careful not to wake Brady.  
  
I watch him sleep. It's funny; when he's asleep the years fade from his face and he looks like a little boy. His blond eyelashes flutter with dreams but his eyes remain closed. His breathing is slow and measured, calm and peaceful.  
  
I could live in this moment forever. Just the two of us, in this bed. The world could crumble around us and I wouldn't notice, wouldn't care. This moment is all I need.  
  
We've barely left the bed in the days we've been here. A great deal of time is spent making love, but an equal amount is spent talking, cuddling, just loving each other. Ironic. We flew halfway around the world to lock ourselves up in a hotel room. But as I gaze at Brady's sweet face, I know there's no place I'd rather be.  
  
My fingers caress the hair at his temple. He smiles, but continues his deep sleeping. Poor thing. He's really tired. Knives of guilt stab my heart. I'm doing this to him. Even now, with his face bathed in sunlight, I can see the dark circles under his eyes. He's running himself ragged trying to care for me.  
  
A dark red spot appears on my pillow. Great. I reach over the bed and grab a tissue from the nightstand. Nosebleed. Just one of many wonderful symptoms now occurring with regularity.  
  
I hold the tissue to my nose and wiggle out of bed into my wheelchair. I manage to get dressed and scribble a note to Brady - Gone for a walk.  
  
I exit through the hotel's vast gardens. I make my way down the cobbled streets of the villa and I'm amazed at the bustling activity. The streets are filled with people, tourists and natives alike, all enjoying a beautiful fall day. I pass by vendors selling their wares; fresh fruit and flowers. It's a wonderful day; I feel like anything can happen.  
  
I stop beside an iron bench and watch the people pass by. An elderly woman with a kind face throws breadcrumbs at nearby birds. She coos to them, singing softly in Italian. A sudden gust of wind knocks the straw hat off her head. It floats on the breeze and settles lightly on my lap.  
  
She smiles apologetically and comes over to me. I hand her the hat. "Here you are," I say in halting Italian.  
  
But she doesn't take the hat. Instead she stares at me, her eyes reflecting shock. Her mouth falls open and she covers it with a wrinkled hand. I'm about to ask her if she's okay, when she crosses herself and reaches out for me. Her hand cups my cheek and she jumps back at the physical contact.  
  
She crosses herself again and begins rambling in a very fast Italian. I can't understand what she's saying. The only word I understand is Maria, over and over. Maria. I honestly don't know if she's praying or talking to me. Tears stream from her eyes and I don't know if they're tears of joy or tears of pain.  
  
"Is something wrong?" I ask. "Can I help you?"  
  
Minutes seem to pass and she is attracting stares from curious onlookers. Finally though, she seems to calm down. She sticks her face in mine and stares at me, like she's studying my features. She stares at my eyes and murmurs inaudibly. She grabs a strand of my hair and runs it between her thumb and forefinger. I'm feeling seriously freaked out now. I'm about to call for help when finally she steps back. She sighs and shakes her head sadly.  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologizes in a lilting Italian. "I thought you were my Maria, come back from the grave. You are.so much like her." She fishes in her bag and pulls out a small picture. "Here," she shoves the photograph in my hands.  
  
I stare at the picture in amazement. My face is staring back at me; only it's not really my face. "This is Maria?" I ask, my eyes riveted to the girl's face.  
  
Her face is so like mine, only older. Her hair and skin is a little darker, and her eyes are brown. But everything else; her features, her bright smile, just like mine. I look up at the old woman. "I don't know what to say."  
  
She smiles at me and her eyes flit over my face. She still has a look of wonder on her face. Like she can't believe the resemblance. "I have more pictures at home. Will you come?"  
  
I follow her to her house. I don't know why. I know the girl isn't me, and I certainly can't take her place in the woman's life. But I somehow feel connected to the woman. I feel as if I've known her all my life. Strange, isn't it?  
  
The woman fixes us some tea and we take a seat around her coffee table. She leaves the room and comes back carrying a large photo album. She smiles at me nervously as she sits down.  
  
"I am so sorry, miss. How I must have frightened you with my behavior." She holds out her hand. "My name is Sophia." She opens the album and turns it toward me. "Maria was my granddaughter."  
  
I turn page after page filled with pictures of this bright, vibrant young woman. I have seen countless pictures of her now, and I am still amazed at the resemblance.  
  
"Tell me about her."  
  
"Oh my Maria; she was so precious to me. You see for yourself how beautiful she was? When she smiled, the darkest room would glow with light. Men adored her. In fact, her teenage years were very difficult for her father; she had so many suitors. But she made the right choice, a wonderful, smart young man. Here's a picture of their daughter, Carlotta. She's such a joy, already so much like her mother at that age."  
  
I smile at the pictures of the little girl. They are reminiscent of me at that age, but there is much of her father in her as well.  
  
Sophia is staring at the pictures with sad eyes. "What happened to Maria?" I ask.  
  
Sophia smiles tearfully. "She died in a car accident," she says simply.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Sophia pats my hand. "She's in a good place." She turns back to the album and I see her staring at a man's face. The man has appeared several times in the album. She traces his face with a crooked finger. "My son, my son," she moans.  
  
I wait patiently for her to continue. "My son, he did not take her death so well. His wife had died many years earlier, when Maria was still a child. Maria was all that he had left of her. When she died, he had nothing left. He soon followed after her."  
  
I reach out for Sophia's hand. "I'm so sorry." This woman has known so much sadness, and tragedy. I stare at his picture. He was very good looking for his age; dark, curling glossy hair. He had mesmerizing eyes; a brown so dark they were almost black. Weird. I can't take my eyes off of his picture. I feel so.strange right now. Detached. Like reality has faded away and it's just me, sitting in this room, looking at this picture.  
  
"My poor Antonio," she murmurs.  
  
Suddenly my mind flashes. I am back in the hospital in Salem. Nancy is telling me about my father.  
  
All she knew about him was his name, Antonio. He had a thick accent, probably Italian, and Mediterranean good looks. Over the course of the evening, they shared quite a few drinks. Nancy soon discovered that her friends had disappeared. She was quite inebriated, so Antonio offered her a ride home. Only, he didn't take her home, he took her to a cheap hotel. She had been out of sorts at first, but when she realized that he was making sexual advances, she immediately refused and tried to escape. But he easily overpowered her and forced her onto the bed.  
  
What are you thinking, Chloe? This can't be right. The father of a dead girl who looks exactly like me, just happens to have the same name and description of the man who raped my mother?  
  
Another flash. I'm opening up a fortune cookie with a cryptic message inside. "You will find family where you least expect it."  
  
Don't forget all of Isabella's strange visits, guiding me here, to Venice, so I could meet.my grandmother?  
  
I back away from the table. I can feel the blood fleeing my face. I imagine I must look rather ghostly at the moment. I must be imagining things, or this is some weird coincidence. I mean, he can't be my father, can he?  
  
I turn to Sophia with unfocused eyes. "Sophia, has Antonio ever been to America?" My voice sounds strange, faraway.  
  
Sophia nods, her eyes shining with concern for me. "When his wife died, he was devastated. He couldn't handle the burden of raising Maria, so he left her in my care. He went on a long journey and stayed in America for several months."  
  
"When was this?"  
  
"Well, let me see. Maria had just turned ten, and she would be twenty-nine this year, so it would have been.nineteen years ago."  
  
Nineteen years. That would be about right. Oh God, my heart is beating so fast.  
  
"Do you mind if I borrow this picture?"  
  
Come on, Nancy, answer the phone. I am so relieved when she picks up after the fifth ring.  
  
"Hello, Wesley residence,"  
  
I smile; it is so good to hear her voice. I almost forget the reason for the call, but then it comes rushing back.  
  
"Mom, it's me."  
  
"Chloe, sweetie, how are you? Are you having a good."  
  
"Sorry to interrupt Mom, but I just sent you a fax. Did you get it?"  
  
"Hold on a minute while I check." I impatiently drum my fingers on the phone as I await her return. My heart is racing. I'm afraid to think of what this could mean. Don't get your hopes up, Chloe. It's probably just some coincidence.  
  
"Okay, I'm back. Chloe, what am I looking at?"  
  
I take a deep breath. "Mom, I need you to look at that picture very carefully. Is that my father?"  
  
"What, Chloe, why are you ask."  
  
"Just tell me. Is that my father?"  
  
There is an agonizing, long pause. I'm holding my breath for her answer.  
  
"Yes. He's your father."  
  
My breath rushes out of me. My knees shake and I'm glad that I'm sitting down.  
  
"How quickly can you get here?" 


	37. Chapter ThirtySeven

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Seven  
  
"He's going to be a wonderful father."  
  
I watch Brady play with Carlotta. My niece squeals with delight as my husband dangles her upside down in the air. The blood rushes to her face, turning her scarlet, but still she wants more. Brady rights her though and lifts her high in the air.  
  
"Airplane!" he cries and begins making zoomy flying noises.  
  
"Faster! Higher!" is her imperial demand.  
  
I turn to my grandmother who sits beside me. "Yes, he will. I just hope that I'll get the chance to make him one."  
  
Sophia pats my hand. "You will. I have a good feeling about you two."  
  
I turn back to Brady who is now tickling Carlotta breathless. He looks up at me and he's got this big, goofy grin on his face and I know he can't wait to have children of his own.  
  
Three days ago I wouldn't have even considered having children a possibility. As far as I was concerned my future was written in stone, my fate sealed. But that all changed with one miraculous discovery.  
  
It's funny; after I got off the phone with Mom I rushed back to Sophia's. I told her the news, that her son was my father, and she didn't even bat an eye. Didn't even show any surprise, nothing. I repeated what I had said, thinking maybe my Italian was off. She just smiled though.  
  
"No my dear, I understood you."  
  
"You don't seem too surprised. Does this happen a lot? A strange girl shows up at your door claiming to be your granddaughter?"  
  
She laughed then. I love her laugh. It's been a long time since I had a grandmother. I had forgotten what it was like.  
  
"No, you're the first. I just knew. Do you feel the connection between us, the instant bond? You are of my blood, Chloe. We are family. I knew that the moment we met."  
  
"Yeah, I did too. I mean, I didn't KNOW know; I just. knew."  
  
Sophia hugged me then and it was just like when I was six and my adopted grandmother would hug me in that special way that made me feel like the most important person in her world. I sighed then and small tears slipped from my eyes. It had been so long since I last felt that way. We broke our hug and I wiped my eyes.  
  
"So tell me dear, how did it happen?" she asked.  
  
"How did what happen?"  
  
"You. How did Antonio and your mother meet?"  
  
My face fell then. I didn't know what to say. How do you tell someone that their son cruelly raped someone? I finally managed to get the words out. Again, she didn't seem surprised. Sad, but not surprised.  
  
Her bony fingers clasped onto mine. "When his wife died, he became mad with grief. He was a completely different person. That's why he went to America - to heal and regain control. I am deeply sorry for your mother's pain. I just wanted you to know that your father wasn't all bad. He made you after all. I just wish."  
  
"What?"  
  
She smiled sadly. "I wish Antonio could have known you. It would have done his heart good to know that you existed."  
  
"You know, ever since my mom found me, I've wondered about my Dad. Who was he, what kind of man was he. I guess, I was really looking for myself. You know, my roots, family. I would lie on my bed and wonder how much of me came from my father. Did I look like him, did I act like him. Did I get my love of music from him - things like that.  
  
But when I learned I was the product of a rape, I was devastated. It still hurts actually. I exist because of an act of violence - because of something that never should have happened. And then the old questions come back. How much of me comes from the man who raped my mother? I don't know that I could handle meeting him, Sophia. To look into his eyes and know that he hurt my mother in the cruelest way."  
  
Sophia hugged me then, her arms pulling me closely to her chest. She whispered soothing words in my ear. "Your father was a good man; loving, generous and kind. He once did a horrible thing but it doesn't change the man he was. And it doesn't change who you are. You are a good person, Chloe. I knew it when I met you."  
  
I wanted to stay with her longer and get to know her, but then I remembered Brady. He didn't know where I was and was probably worried.  
  
"There you are," he said when I came back to the hotel. "I was getting ready to send out a search party," he joked. He must have seen the excited flush to my cheeks; he became serious at once. "Chloe, is anything wrong?"  
  
I couldn't keep the tears from shining in my eyes. This was such a big moment. We finally had a reason to hope. I hadn't really processed until that moment what the discovery meant. I had a family now; people who might be donor matches.  
  
"Nothing's wrong, Brady. But something's very right."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Brady, during my walk this morning, I met the most amazing woman. She's beautiful and kind and.she's my grandmother."  
  
"Oh, that's nice.wait, did you just say.she's your grandmother?!" His voice rose in pitch.  
  
I nodded as a large smile crept up on my face. "Yes. She's my father's mother."  
  
"Your father? You found his family? I thought your mom didn't know who he was."  
  
"She didn't. All she had was a name. But she identified him from the picture I faxed."  
  
"Picture - okay wait, start from the beginning."  
  
So I told him everything. I even showed him a picture of my sister Maria. He stared at the picture. "This is.this is incredible - Oh my God Chloe, do you know what this means?"  
  
I nodded. "Nancy and Craig are on their way as we speak. Brady, I could get my transplant!"  
  
Which brings us to where we are now. Nancy and Craig arrived and we visited Sophia. I could tell it was hard on Mom being around the mother of the man who raped her. Pictures of him were all around the house. But Sophia was warm and understanding, which helped a great deal.  
  
We sat down with Sophia and Craig explained my situation. It took a while because Craig's Italian was very rusty and Sophia spoke little English. I tried my best to translate some of the medical talk. It took several repetitions for her to understand.  
  
"You're dying?"  
  
I nodded. Sophia immediately agreed to be tested. However, she wasn't a match. We tested my niece Carlotta and now we are in the hospital waiting room anxiously awaiting the results.  
  
An exhausted Brady plops down beside me with Carlotta in his arms. She scrambles onto my lap. Her chubby arms latch onto my neck and she plants a wet kiss on my cheek.  
  
"Unca Brady took me flying!"  
  
"He did?"  
  
"Uh huh. But then we had to stop because the plane ran out of gas."  
  
"Oh it did?" I look over at my heavily breathing husband. "That's because the plane is getting old."  
  
"Hey, I'm only 21!" Brady states indignantly, causing Carlotta to giggle.  
  
It's amazing how quickly Carlotta has latched onto me. She simply adores Brady and me. We didn't really have to explain that I was her aunt - she just knew. Of course the fact that I'm a dead ringer for her mother probably has something to do with it.  
  
Finally the lab door opens and Craig enters the waiting room. My free hand grabs Brady's and our fingers lace. The waiting room becomes deathly still and I search Craig's face for some kind of clue. But as usual his face is like rock. He glances at the papers in his hand.  
  
"We have the test results." He takes an agonizingly long pause and then he looks up - his eyes gazing into mine.  
  
I can see the threat of tears in his eyes. Come on Craig, just give it to me. Brady squeezes my hand and I steel myself for bad news.  
  
Craig inhales deeply. When he speaks, his voice is soft and shaky. "The test.was positive. Carlotta is a perfect match."  
  
Oh my God. My hand clamps over my mouth. Oh my God. She's a match. We found a donor, after all this time. Tears slip from my eyes. I'm not going to die. Oh God, I can't describe how I feel right now. I've been without hope for so long, and now.  
  
The waiting room erupts in joyous celebration. Brady throws his arms around me.  
  
"Oh my God, Chloe," he rambles breathlessly in my ear. "I.I.Chloe.Aaaah! I'm speechless!"  
  
"I know - me too!"  
  
My families, new and old, join in the celebration. Even Brady's family is here, which surprises me.  
  
"Of course we came, Chloe," John explains. "You're family now. Of course we'd be here for this."  
  
Belle crushes me in a bear hug. "I knew it!" she cries. "I knew you'd get your miracle. I knew I wouldn't lose my best friend and sister."  
  
I'm a little overwhelmed by the good news and everyone's enthusiastic reactions. Craig manages to calm everyone down.  
  
"So what's the next step?" I ask.  
  
"Well, before we can begin the transplant, we have to kill the existing cancer. So, it's back to isolation and chemotherapy for you."  
  
So I'm back in isolation now. All by myself in a lonely hospital room. But I'm not alone. On the other side of the door are all my friends and family, watching over me. So much has changed since I was last in isolation. I have hope now, and a future.  
  
The funny thing is, if I had done what everyone wanted me to do months ago and stayed in the hospital, I never would have found my family. I would probably still be in that hospital room, waiting to die. Now, in hindsight I can see so perfectly the path I was walking. These last few months I thought I was doing what I wanted to do. Instead, I see now that my footsteps were ordered. I was being guided along the entire way. Every step I took led me here, to Venice, to find my family. Even my decision to go for a walk to other day wasn't really mine, but just something I had to do.  
  
I smile when I feel that familiar presence. Her glowing form appears before me. "Isabella. You did this. You led me here."  
  
She shrugs. "Guilty as charged."  
  
"Okay, so I know now that you've been guiding me here, but why did you let me go through all the other stuff first? I've wasted months. Why didn't you tell me to go to Venice then?"  
  
"Everything was done to bring you here, to the right place, at the right time. Sophia spends much of the year visiting her other children. If you had come months ago, you would have missed her, and you would have gone home never even knowing she existed.  
  
Besides, Chloe, I hardly call the last few months a waste. A great deal has happened. You and Brady have come so close. The two of you are married, and so much in love. All this happened because you thought you were dying. Can you honestly say that given your and my son's stubborn qualities, the two of you would be where you are today if you hadn't been ill?"  
  
Wow. She's right. There's something about facing death that gives you a new appreciation for life. It gives you clarity of mind and new priorities. Brady and I came together because I suddenly knew what was important to me and I was able to cast off everything else. Like Phillip.  
  
Oh my goodness. If it wasn't for my illness, I might still be stuck in the limbo land that was our relationship. It was my leukemia that opened my eyes and made me become honest with myself and my feelings.  
  
"Wait, are you saying that my illness happened to bring Brady and me together?"  
  
"I won't say that. But I will say that everything happens for a reason."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You'll have to ask my employer," she says with a small smile. "I am told He works in mysterious ways." She fades then and I can just make out two beautiful wings on her back.  
  
Wow. So I still don't know why God would go to so much effort to bring Brady and me together. But now, thanks to Him, I have the rest of my life to find out. 


	38. Chapter ThirtyEight

Things to do in Salem When You're Dead  
  
Chapter Thirty-Eight  
  
"So, what's the verdict, Doc?" I ask Craig who is shuffling through my papers and test results.  
  
I hope everything is okay because I am sooooo ready to get out of here. I have been in the hospital for far too long. First, I had to endure the chemotherapy treatments and the endless isolation. Then, once the cancer was gone, there was the transplant. I am so proud of my little niece. She didn't even cry during the harvesting process. Brave little trooper. After that there were the weeks of waiting to see if the transplant took.  
  
It has been a long, hard road to recovery but I am almost as healthy now as I was a year ago. I've been undergoing physical therapy to get my legs back in working order. I've also regained a lot of weight. Actually, I'm surprised I'm not huge; I've been eating like there's no tomorrow (Sophia smuggles food in to me; I'm not touching this hospital crap.)  
  
There's color in my cheeks, and my hair, which had fallen out during the last round of chemo, is now as thick and shiny as ever. It's also really short. The ends don't even reach my ears. It's such a weird feeling, but I know it will grow.  
  
So now I've just been waiting to get the final word on whether the transplant worked. Which Craig is going to give me. Any minute now.  
  
"Um, Craig? Waiting."  
  
Craig looks up from his papers. "What? Oh, sorry. I've just been thinking about this past year. How hopeless everything seemed. Despite my 'unwavering optimism' I was so afraid I was going to lose you. And now."  
  
"Yes?" Hope rings in my voice.  
  
He smiles and cups my cheek. "The transplant was a complete success, Chloe. There is no sign of the cancer and healthy new cells are forming at a good rate. Your progress has been amazing. In fact, I'm going to recommend that you be released today."  
  
"Today? You mean I can leave? I can get out of here? I don't have to look at these nasty beige walls and sickly green lights anymore?"  
  
"Um, yeah. You get dressed and I'll get your release papers together."  
  
"Is Brady out there?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll send him in." Craig stands for a moment, just looking at me. His brown eyes twinkle. "I can't tell you how happy I am right now." He gives me a quick hug and a kiss on my temple. "I'll be right back."  
  
He leaves and Brady enters. "Hey beautiful," he says and his warm arms wrap around me. He pulls me close to him as his lips descend on mine. We kiss sweetly, wondrously, breathlessly. Oh, how I've missed him.  
  
We break our kiss with an audible Pop! Brady smiles at me and his face is lit up with joy.  
  
"I take it you've heard the news."  
  
"Yeah, you finally get to go home. That's the best news I've heard in a long time."  
  
"Yeah, it is."  
  
"Of course I'll have to send my other girlfriends packing."  
  
"Funny."  
  
Brady smiles as he continues holding me. "So, Mrs. Black, now that you have your entire life in front of you, what do you want to do now?"  
  
"I'm not sure, Mr. Black. But I'm pretty sure it involves the words naked and bed"  
  
His cobalt eyes darken with desire. "Oooh, I like that plan."  
  
"I thought you would. It's been a while, hasn't it?"  
  
"Only 46 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes. Not that I've been keeping track or anything."  
  
I laugh. "Poor baby. You really missed me, didn't you?"  
  
"Hello? Sexual energy, dam. We discussed this." (chp. 31)  
  
"So I guess we better get you home before you explode."  
  
Later.  
  
"So, what do you want to do now?" Brady asks as he holds me in his arms.  
  
I stare at him incredulously. "We just finished."  
  
"I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking big picture what do you want to do with your life now that you're going to have one?"  
  
My fingers wander aimlessly over his bare chest. "I really just want to stay here in Venice for a while. I haven't gotten to spend much time with my family. I just met them and I had to go into the hospital. I want to get to know them."  
  
I pause for a moment as the wonder of it all sinks in. "I have a family, Brady. Do you know how amazing that is? I feel connected now - a part of something. Yes I had my mother before, but this is different. It's a different part of myself that I've been seeking so long and now I finally have it. Family, Brady. I have aunts and uncles, cousins, and the best grandmother anyone could ask for. I'm just not ready to leave them yet."  
  
Brady gently strokes my hair. "That sounds great. We could stay through Christmas, or longer if you like."  
  
"Wow, Christmas already?"  
  
"Well, it's still a few weeks away yet. Mmmm, Christmas dinner at Grandma Sophia's. Can't wait. That woman can cook."  
  
Brady wasn't kidding. I've never seen such a spread as the one she laid out for us Christmas Day. There were so many people there. She even opened her house to Nancy and Craig so they could spend Christmas with me. It was so great, being around so many people and knowing that they are my family.  
  
But as great as that was, I can't wait to begin my life with Brady, building a family of our own. Don't get me wrong; we aren't planning on having children just yet. But we're still a family, just the two of us.  
  
"Can I take the blindfold off yet?" The exasperation is thick in my voice. I slide a finger under the dark fabric to scratch my nose.  
  
"We're almost there," Brady's voice assures me.  
  
"I can't believe you're doing this to me. So unfair."  
  
"Excuse me? You had me blindfolded, on the day of our wedding so I wouldn't know where I was. This is payback."  
  
I hear the jingling of keys and the clicking of a lock. He leads me inside the building and takes the blindfold off. "Okay, open your eyes."  
  
I gaze around me in wonder.  
  
"Isn't it great?" he says excitedly. We're standing in a beautiful, large, loft styled apartment. The building is old but has recently been renovated.  
  
I crane my neck. "Look at those high ceilings! And exposed beams!"  
  
"I know! Of course, changing the light bulbs will be a bitch."  
  
I walk down the shiny hardwood floors and check out the spacious kitchen. "Brushed stainless steel appliances!" I cry out. "I don't know how to use them but aren't they pretty?!"  
  
"Wait till you see the bathroom."  
  
I run to the large bathroom. "Claw foot tub!" I jump and down. "And look how big it is!"  
  
"Yeah, room enough for two. But you haven't seen the best part."  
  
I follow him into the living room where he draws back the shades covering a large window. Oh. My. God. What an incredible view! We're looking down on the SoHo Arts District and the beautiful skyscrapers of NY stand in the distance. "AAAAAAH! I love this place!"  
  
Brady smiles. "And it's only a few minutes from Julliard."  
  
I turn to my husband with devilish eyes. "What about the bedroom?"  
  
"I'll show you." I follow him up the curving metal staircase to the loft. The room is large and airy with yet another spectacular view from the windows.  
  
We stand side by side looking out the window and it's like we're looking into our future. Brady goes back to work and heads the NY branch of Basic Black. Belle, who has also moved to NY, helps him out while attending Columbia. She and Shawn share an apartment and Shawn is top of his class at the police academy here. I enjoy Julliard greatly. I learn more about music and opera than I ever thought I could.  
  
Of course I go on to become a great opera and recording star. I use the word "star" because that's what others call me. Fact is, no matter how "famous" I become, I'm still the same inside. I'm still just Chloe Lane, a small town girl with big dreams. Brady manages the business end of my career and we have two beautiful children: Victoria Isabella and Wesley. They are both precocious and stubborn. I don't know where they get it from; I blame their father.  
  
It's a busy life, juggling the duties of wife, mother, and career. People ask me all the time how I do it. "How do you do so much and not lose yourself in the process?"  
  
My answer is always the same. I had to "die" to learn how to live. There's something about death that gives you an appreciation for life. I think back on those months when I was dying. I lived more in those months than many do in their entire lives. I learned what was really important. Love, happiness, family. Everything else: careers, money, possessions, it's all just window dressing.  
  
This is the lesson I've learned. And every night I kiss my sleeping children's heads and crawl into bed beside my loving husband. I say a prayer of thanks and this truth echoes in my mind.  
  
Some things are more important than life.  
  
The End 


End file.
